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So Sorry this s chapter 11... Getting Worse is chapter 12

Bonnie

The same dining room that I had spent most of my childhood in has never felt so small.

I took my seat across from him. Well....a tactical choice or more like the distance itself was a really weak armor; while my mother busied herself with pouring wine while talking animatedly with Marcellus whose eyes were fixed on me and his hands resting on the tablecloth with an ease that made my stomach churn badly.

"Red or white, sweetheart?" My mother asked me holding up the two bottles.

I needed something to dull the sharpness in my chest , something that would take me off the edge.

"Red"

"Then Red it is" she poured generously and reached out to fill Marcellus glass too. She touched his shoulder as she did it, a sweet and affectionate gesture that made me want to scream.

"You've clearly outdone yourself, honey" He said as he lifted the glass slowly to his lips and I could have sworn that his eyes flicked to mine over the rim.

Bastard!!!

"Bonnie helped me with the marinade this morning," My mother said grinning from ear to ear. She was so happy, so at peace, just the way I want her to be. But definitely not with this man. The same man that ruins me, breaks me and puts me back together to match his wants. "She's getting so domestic. I keep telling her some man is going to snatch her up any day now"

The fork dropped from my hand and landed harshly against the China ware.

"I'm not looking to get snatched, Mum"

"Every girl says that until the right one comes along" she waved her hands dismissively as she reached for the gravy boat.

I looked up from my plate to meet his eyes on me and that made me blush. It wasn't meant too. He would soon be my stepfather and I should definitely not let the boundaries over pass. It'll hurt my mum so bad.

I stared at the lamb on my plate. The meat looked raw even when I know it wasn't. Everything looked raw to me.

My mum was chattering about seating arrangements for the engagement party,about colour schemes,about whether they should do a spring wedding or wait until summer. Her voice washed over me like static but I was still conscious enough to nod at the right places and smiled when I was supposed to as I played with my food.

But then my mind kept slipping.

Maybe it had something to do with the way Marcellus cut his meat. With so much control and precision. The same way he owned my body and I couldn't say no to being handled to well. So good by my professor and the absolute love of my mother's life.

No. Stop.

But the memory came flooding in anyways making me ache all over again for his touch.

I saw the headboard hitting the wall, his hand on my throat not hard enough to choke me but hard enough to remind me who was in control. The weight of him pressing me into the mattress.

His voice in my ear, telling me I was so beautiful, that I was so perfect, telling me to take it, just take it, you can take it can't you Bonnie?

I remembered every stretch and burn. The way he filled me so complete that I couldn't breathe nor think rationally. Couldn't do anything but lie do while he buried himself deeper and deeper and deep.....

Stopstopstop

"What do you think, Bonnie?" My mother's voice pulled my out of that traumatic experience arghhhhhh yet I wished it didn't stop.

"Sorry. What?"

"The engagement party" she was looking at me with something just between hope and impatience. "I was thinking we could just have it here right in the garden. But Marcellus thinks we should rent a venue...."

"Or buy an entire hotel for it" he cut in quickly making my mum blush as he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"What do you think bon bon?" She finally asked and I looked at Marcellus. He was watching me with an Express of polite interest, like a guru waiting for a business associate's opinion on quarterly projections. Fuck him and acting like I didn't exist.

"I think the garden is beautiful in September" I finally muttered and looked away.

"See?" My mother turned to him triumphantly."Bonnie agrees with me."

"Bonnie is very smart," Marcellus said. "I'm learning not to argue with her."

That meant and implied so many things that I didn't even want to think about. All in all, he should go fuck himself.

I reached for my wine and drank half the glass in one swift motion.

"Slow down, bon bon" worry laced my mother's voice as she spoke. "You'll give yourself a headache"

"I'm fine."

"You've been so tense lately." She reached over and squeezed my hand with so much affection that it only made my heart ache more from guilt.

"Maybe one the engagement is settled, you can take a weekend and relax. You deserve it."

I smiled and pulled my hand back gently and picked up my fork. "Maybe."

Marcellus cleared his throat and I felt a strong bad foreboding.

"Speaking of the engagement being settled," he said as he set down his utensils, "I was thinking I should stay over tonight just to get an early start on some of the planning tomorrow"

No no no no

The fork stopped halfway to my mouth.

"That's a wonderful idea!" My mother beamed and clapped her hands together. "I was about to suggest that. The guest room is already made up or...you could come over to mine"

Yuck. Look at them throwing sexual innuendos all around the place.

"Actually," I heard myself say before I could even stop, "maybe that's not..."

"Oh, hush." My mother waved a hand at me. "He's practically family now. And with the engagement party coming up there's just so much to organize. It all makes perfect sense."

"Mum-"

"Bonnie." Her voice was sharp now. "I know change is hard for you. But Marcellus is going to be living here eventually. He might as well get comfortable now."

Fuck that's true.

I could see the triumph hiding behind his eyes.

Snug motherfucker.

"I promise I'll stay out of your way, Bonnie," he said as he reached for his wine. "I know how important your space is"

Bullshit. Fucking bullshit. And yet he looks forward to evading it all the time. I don't even know why I was irked up tonight. Arghhhh

My mother was literally smiling like a mannequin at both of us. As if we were already one big happy family.

"I need some air," I said as I pushed back from the table.

"Sit down bon bon. You haven't finished your dinner."

"I'm not hungry."

"Please." My mother's voice was teetering over the edge now. "One meal. Just one meal where we don't have to walk on eggshells around you."

I froze there, between the door and my seat the whipped my head around. "So now I'm the fucking problem?"

My mother was taken aback and stayed stuttering as she started looking for a suitable explanation, "I didn't mean that bon bon"

"Then??"

"Please" she begged and I stared at her and finally sat down.

"That's my girl," my mother said as she patted my hand.

Across the table , I watched Marcellus lift his glass to me. A toast I didn't ask for.

"To family," he said and I stared at the red wine left in my glass. It looked just like blood.

"To family," I whispered back.

And for the second time in just one night, I swallowed something that made me want to die.