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153. Welcome to Nekromel
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2021-09-13 17:13:34
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How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 154. Saviour of the Universe
I live in London, or at least I used to. Sometimes Iโd go into the city, usually by bus, to where all the famous buildings are. Big Ben, Trafalgar Square, Buckingham Palace โ these iconic landmarks steeped in history, full of endeavour and accomplishment.And Iโd feel nothing.Iโd seen them so many times, in photographs, in movies, exploding, aeroplanes crashing into them, people crawling up their sides and running across their roofs, they didnโt even look real. I barely noticed them, usually.They were just things surrounding me, no different to the Starbucks on the corner or an anonymous office block.People talk about culture and tradition as though their importance is self-explanatory. It isnโt to me. Patriotism? Why? Other than pure self-interest, why is the place where I live any more important than anywhere else?Even when Iโve been in a crowd of people thoroughly enjoying themselves, maybe a concert or a festival, Iโve never felt part of somet
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 155. Walls Have Ears
โWhatโs wrong?โ asked Jenny.Everyone else followed 288 towards the palace while I stopped to consider what to do about our possible infiltrator.โI think 288 might be a spy. If he knows we can stop time, heโs probably going to tell his Masters about it. I mean, his real Masters. The big ones who eat people.โJenny thought it over. The consequences of our secret getting out would be disastrous. โAre you going to kill him?โIt was certainly one option, although not particularly easy to pull off. โWe donโt have any weapons.โ We did have some weapons in the stable, but when Phil stopped time we couldnโt move them so they were still in there.โYou could choke him. You must have quite a lot of experience with that sort of thing.โIt took me a moment to realise she was referring to 288โs previous occupation. โI donโt think thatโs a good idea. Itโd be very messy and probably just make him sleepy. And the only way to stop them reforming is to cut them
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 156. Treasured
โWhat happened?โ asked Phil. โHave you been like this the whole time?โโI donโt... know,โ wheezed Bao in a voice brittle as dry leaves. โIt wonโt work anymore. Why wonโt it work?โ There was a sadness to his question, and an infinite weariness.It was amazing he could speak at all considering the lack of water. Youโd think his throat would have seized up, but the regeneration effect that kept him alive also kept him hydrated, it seemed. His face and his hands, which were all that showed, looked almost healthy. If they hadnโt been sticking out of a wall, that is.โDonโt worry, weโll get you out.โ Phil sounded desperate. He turned to look at us for help but no one knew what to do. Even David hung back.Bao opened his mouth like he was going to say something else but only let out a long breath which ended in a shuddering choke. His eyes closed and he stopped moving.โBao? Bao?โ Phil touched Baoโs face but there was no response. Bao was dead.I put
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 157. Block Rocking Beats
The Jester, all glowing twisted tentacles and bugged-out eyeballs, smiled and the endless depths of space glimmered from between her lips. Something dark flashed across them. Her tongue?โAnd whoโs this?โ The voice was like an abyssal echo. โA tasty morsel for me to snack on?โIโd like to say having encountered the Jester in this place a number of times I was now used to it. I could shake off the pain and torment I was no doubt about to undergo as no big deal. Once youโve been tortured and driven to the extremes of suffering, the whole thing becomes old hat, like eating a hot curry. The first time you might shit fire and pebbledash your whole bathroom, but the hundredth time, you can handle it. Hell, you might want to splash some Tabasco on that balti to give it some kick.Iโd like to say that, but I couldnโt. Pain at the top end is the same as great heights of pleasure; more doesnโt make you lose interest. If anything, it sharpens your focus.Having said th
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 158. A Bad Feeling
โโโโโโโโWe hurried back up the shaft and through the palace. I say hurried, although there was the expected amount of faffing as we all tried to scramble up the handholds. Itโs a lot easier going down than up, let me tell you.Cheng flew up with Mandy and left us to it. I took the opportunity to tell the others about the encounter with the Jester, although I left out most of the details of the fighting. Not because I didnโt want Jenny to get her due, but because I didnโt think David would appreciate her mutilation of the girl he clearly had very deep affection for.The main thing I impressed on David and the others was that Yuqi was willing to wait for her freedom. David seemed to accept this as the best way forward and left the dust laden semi-corpse behind.I had no idea how we would bring her back to life or if it was even possible, but we could deal with that after we had defeated the Masters, crowned Cheng โKing of the Demonsโ and found a way to leave
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 159. Square Peg
The Masters who emerged from the palace strode into the arena three abreast. No armour, no weapons.Maurice, sitting on the terrace below me, had his notebook out and was comparing his sketches to the combatants as they entered the arena. They walked in through an archway which was barely high enough to allow them in and the crowd let out a collective nervous murmur.Each of them was a colossus, twice the size of a regular person. Each had two arms and two legs, but other than that, they were as different from each other as was possible.The tallest of the three was a shaggy-haired sasquatch-type creature with spikes for hands. It must have made wiping his arse very tricky, assuming he needed to perform those sorts of bodily functions. According to Mauriceโs notes, he was called Comfort.Beside him was Unscathed, a robotic, block-shaped creature but with smooth, hairless skin rather than metal. He had a squat, powerful body and large, heavy hands with three
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 160. Sweep the Leg
Comfort rose from the ground in a jerking motion. The pounding he received had staved in the back of his head so it was dented and flattened to give him an unsettling appearance. It probably wouldโve looked even stranger if his long fur wasnโt covering it.He was unsteady on his feet but he managed to stagger forward, one of his spikes raised towards Chengโs face.Jenny had her dagger half-drawn. I put my hand on hers and pushed it back down.โHe hasnโt lost yet.โ I didnโt mind that she was willing to do what was necessary to send me back in time โ it was probably the only way it would get done โ but would it be so hard for her to be a little hesitant? You know, just for show.Unscathed had Cheng immobilised. He was clearly stronger and there was no way for Cheng to slip out of the hold. From the looks of it, there was no way for him to even breathe.There was an intake of breath around the amphitheatre as Comfort drove his spike towards Chengโs face.
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 161. Dad Talk
I looked upwards, eyes searching the skies. Somewhere up there, giant fish swam through the clouds. If I could tempt them down, maybe they would fight my enemies. Who was I kidding? The first thing theyโd do was eat me.The Kraken were a better bet with regards to being helpful (especially if we introduced them to Motown classics) but they had the slight disadvantage of not being able to walk on land. Or maybe they could, very slowly. Either way, as Socrates once said, you donโt bring a lobster to a shark fight. I think it was him. Might have been Plato.Cheng landed in the middle of the arena, both his opponents out cold. He lifted Comfort out of the pool of blue liquid he was lying in and tried to carry him. The difference in size was too great, and Cheng too exhausted, so he had to drag the body out of the arena, back to the palace. A trail of blue trickled behind them.Unscathed rose to his knees, collapsed, and tried again. After a couple more aborted attempts
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๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2021-09-13
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How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 244. Donโt Forget to Breathe
Claire stabbed me. She didnโt know I was in here, but would that have made a difference?The moment the blade entered my chest, I felt a rush of cold go through me like smoke through a keyhole. Everything began shaking. I was falling apart.โWhat are yoโ doing?โ screamed Flossie.โItโs not him,โ said Maurice. โColinโs safe. This is just his body. We have to stop them now, or weโll never get another chance.โIt had never been a great body, but โjust his bodyโ seemed a little harsh.Was this part of some big plan? Maurice had always been good at seeing patterns and drawing conclusions. He wasnโt always right, but he was starting to have faith in himself. They all were. Dangerous times.If you joined up the dots and they formed a picture, it would make sense to assume thatโs the picture you were meant to find. Maurice had decided this was the picture he had seen. Kill Peter, kill Wesley. Leave no one powerful enough to threaten the rest of us.
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 243. The Older Woman
By this point, I considered darkness to be an old friend. Considering how my friends had been treating me of late, my buddy darkness was probably hiding monsters that would eat my face.The voice Iโd heard had sounded feminine, although I wasnโt about to assume gender. These days, that sort of thinking can get you in all sorts of trouble. If it was a woman, my track record with females in dark places wasnโt good, but I wasnโt about to generalise about that either.Yes, women had treated me poorly, often trying to kill me, torture me and nag me to death. I didnโt hold a grudge. Women arenโt all the same. I never think, Oh, yes, sheโs just like all the others. Theyโre all individuals. They each have their own preferred method for ruining your life. Some of them even do it by ignoring you. Theyโre my favourite.I listened for any follow-up threats. There were always follow-up threats. Everyone had too much fun arranging my demise to not announce their plans.No
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 242. Further Beyond
It wasnโt like Claire suddenly transforming was a bad thing. When the Fire Nation attacks, you want someone to change into their Avatar state. She was more Korra than Aang, but who knew what she was capable of now?I suddenly felt a sense of loss at not having Maurice around to swap pop culture analogies with. Itโs all very well having people standing beside you in times of trouble, but it leaves an unsatisfactory feeling when they donโt understand your references.We had a giant Elf with a handful of twats coming at us, so Claire going blue-eyes white dragon was a good thing, even if she had no idea what a blue-eyes white dragon was. Whatever had been behind the wall in the crypt, it had presumably exited via Claire and taken up residence.Normally, that would be a cause for concern. How often has the thing bricked up inside a church been a chill dude who got trapped by accident? No, it was always some abused child whose vengeful spirit was now going to wreak havo
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 241. Sister of No Mercy
โBut why?โ asked Claire, her hands shaking by her side.Maurice had a ferocious grin on his face, the kind only severe embarrassment can produce. Despite any reasons and justifications he might have, when you get caught doing something you know you shouldnโt do โ because all the Pixar movies youโve ever seen have clearly identified it for you โ thereโs no way to stop your body from producing all the โoh fuckโ hormones it contains, and sending them to your face.โYou went inside my mind and took my memories from me.โ This was what Claire was really upset about. Not that Maurice had betrayed us and aligned himself with the enemy, but that he had crossed her personal boundaries.โIt wasnโt like that,โ whispered Maurice. He was keeping his words quiet as though they would hurt less that way, but they filled the silent crypt we were standing in. โI did what I thought was best.โโBest?! You thought lying to me was best?โ The surprise of it was wearing off now, and
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 240. Cockblocula
It might have seemed a bit risky to call out Joshaya. He was the person Iโd been trying to avoid, after all. If him catching up with me unravelled Mauriceโs power, meeting him could kill me. But that was also why it was safe to do so.If this version of Arthur was really Joshaya, then Iโd already been in his presence, even told him I was dead, and was still alive.If I was wrong, it wouldnโt change anything, and if I was right, I should already be dead. Unless there was more to this whole being dead business than first appeared.I didnโt need to understand exactly how all this mumbo jumbo worked to realise whoever was holding death over my head as a threat, was also making sure I didnโt die.Not to blow my own horn (every boyโs dream), but I was important enough to keep alive. They needed me. Which gave me some leverage. Until I became so irritating that they gave up on their plans and killed me anyway.Joshaya rose to a vertical position like some un
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 239. Planning for the Future
We headed out of the temple with two of our members in wheelbarrows. Normally this would require some explaining. People donโt just push around unconscious bodies in gardening equipment, unless itโs a stag do thatโs going very well.In this case, however, we were aided by the presence of druids, the local religious weirdos who everyone did their best to ignore.Coupled with the fact we were coming out of the temple everyone believed could do no wrong (never fails to amaze me how ready the faithful are to confuse turn the other cheek with turn a blind eye) and they assumed we must have had a good reason to use this particular form of public transportation.The crowds in the square simply parted for us as they went about their business. My own thoughts were preoccupied with the strong suspicion that Arthur, the one in the crypt, was another manifestation of Joshaya. The roleplaying was of a very high standard, and the cosmetic touches were really well done, but there
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 238. Lead Me Not into Temptation
โDestroy? You mean as in kill? You want to kill Peter.โ The voice, for all its unsettling menace โ hard to come across as anything else when youโre emanating from a stone coffin โ had a tinge of genuine shock to it. He was horrified by the prospect of what Iโd suggested. โOh, I couldnโt do that. Absolutely not.โDisappointing.โYou donโt control dead people, then? You arenโt a necromancer?โโI told you, Iโm a vivimancer.โโIโm sorry, Iโve never heard of that before. What does it mean?โโIt means I can heal, I can prolong life. Other peopleโs and my own. Itโs the reason Iโm in here. My body was starved of food and air, but my life force abides.โโYou arenโt dead?โโI am and I am not.โโAnd Peter put you here, but you still donโt want to get him back?โโNot by robbing him of life. I mean, I wouldnโt like it if someone did that to me, so why would I do it to someone else?โSomeone had done it to him. I didnโt point this
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 237. Hold the Moan
There were four lights in all. Three smaller one, and the big one that seemed to do all the talking. The red balls hanging in the air suggested eyes, but not in a Sauron โI see everythingโ kind of way, more a HAL โHello, Daveโ kind of way. A harmonised version of Daisy, Daisy could break out at any moment.Thereโs a rumour, strongly denied, that HAL, in the movie 2001, was meant to represent the firm IBM. If you take a letter away from each of the letters in I-B-M you get H-A-L.But it was never the hardware that was going to be the problem for the future of mankind. If you made the same kind of movie today, the insane AI watching your every move would be something more like Facebook, but youโd face the same problem. You couldnโt use the name without getting sued. Youโd have to take a letter away from each of its initials to make up a completely fictitious evil company. FB would become... Oh, wait.โYou have returned to set us free,โ said the big light. There was a
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis ย ย ย 236. Freedom for All
Jenny was not happy. She was the sort of person who prided herself on not being a nag. She presented herself as a supportive partner willing to back me up in whatever retarded idea I came up with. Sheโd tell me it was retarded, but that wouldnโt stop her having my back.Which is cool. People should only tell you not to do something if they have a better option. One they know works due to experience and wisdom, not because they think it will help them whore karma on Reddit.Under those conditions, hardly anyone would get to tell anyone else what to do. People would make mistakes, of course, but they would be valuable mistakes that would help the person grow and improve.This time, however, Jenny was not in the mood to stand by and allow me to go skipping off into the jaws of danger. Not without her mooring line firmly attached.โIf he disconnects himself from me,โ said Jenny, โwonโt he die? I thought I was the only thing keeping him alive.โโYes. Techn
