Chapter 8: Confession

Drake looked truly stunned and Rori had to turn away to conceal her cheerful smile. And when she turned back again their eyes met briefly. It was a short moment.

Pure!

There was a hidden caress there in Rori's eyes for Drake, not that he would never had known if he decided to take a peek. But there was absolutely no need for that because Rori was not in a position or state of denial. She cared about Drake. It was what mattered to her the most. His state of well-being was the only reason she considered visiting him in the night without thinking about it twice.

"Thank you," Drake said as he sat down and placed a soft pillow close to his belly.

"What are you thanking me for?" Rori asked. She was trying to conceal the smile on her face.

"You came to see me, didn't you?"

Rori nodded in approval.

"It shows you care about me," Drake continued, "because if you didn't, you wouldn't have come here."

"True!" Rori affirmed. "I was a bit worried about your state of health since the last time we met. I know the road is a bit tough for you."

"Tougher!" Drake corrected.

Rori eyed him playfully and continued. "So, I want to be a good friend for you. I want to be here whenever you need me. I don't want to be unreachable or unreliable."

"Thank you, Rori!" Drake said, shifting the pillow away from his belly. "I hope you understand how grief works. It is not just something I can stop. It just flows and flows. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Rosetta was my queen, Rori. She knew me in a way that no one knew me. I also knew her in a way that no one did. We had a special kind of connection that I can't use words to describe because it is undescribable."

"I know how difficult it is," Rori exhaled, slowly.

"You say that a lot of times. Sometimes, I wonder if you actually do."

"I do, honestly!" Rori said. "I have felt a bit of pain in my life too even though I don't tell people about it because it makes me feel like a terrible human being which I know I am."

Drake moved closer to her and placed his hand around her shoulder. "You are not a terrible human. You are facing a difficult time as I am. I think we just need to be positive about everything that is going on around us."

"That is true," Rori moved her lips gently. "I wish I could find the courage to explain to you what I have done. It is terrible."

"You can try. Even a start as good as saying, 'hello' is still a start. You just have to pick a base point and let your spirit flow. It doesn't have to be a wonderful start. It just has to be a special start."

"That is true! I will try!" Rori said, standing up. Her lips were pressed together, almost in a manner that made her feel far away from herself. She didn't know how to tell Drake what she had done with her sister's husband, Mark because she didn't want him to see her as a terrible person.

"I am waiting for you," Drake urged, standing up too. "Like I said, you don't have to pick a perfect start. You just have to pick a base point. From your base point, we can take a walk from there. It might be a gentle walk, but it is still a walk after all."

"I heard you," Rori said gently. "I am trying to figure out a way to start this giant step. You have to give me a bit of time."

Drake agreed by placing his hands on his hips and shaking his head slowly. He walked towards the refrigerator in his apartment and brought two cans of Coke. He took one and dropped the other on the table, hoping that Rori would take it and probably use it to ease the tension that was increasing in her mind. Rori did as he had expected. She took the Coke on the table, opened it quickly and started drinking.

"Take it easy," Drake said, trying to prevent himself from laughing. "You are acting like you haven't tasted Coke in your life."

Rori faked a smile and dropped the almost empty can of Coke back on the table. She was trying to concentrate, stay stable and focus on what she was about to tell Drake but it was getting a bit difficult for her. Even though she adjusted her dress more than once, as if something was wrong with it when nothing was wrong with it, she still couldn't find the courage to tell Drake what she had done with Mark. The memories of the night with Mark was still fresh in her head as it was fresh in her head the day her sister, Sandra came to visit her. She could still feel his heavy thrust pushing every bit of muscle in her vagina and making way for his grand entrance inside her. She could still feel his hard wolf-like arms rubbing against her body as if the desire he felt was love when it wasn't. Rori closed her eyes as she tried to look for a point she could use to start, make an entrance that wouldn't terrify Drake. She still couldn't find her starting point, and this bothered Drake a lot who was just staring at her, Coke in his hand, lips slightly parted away and eyebrows raised to a certain frightening curious height. He was waiting for her. While waiting, he was wondering what was going on in her mind. And Rori knew that he was curious, but she didn't know how to begin. She had found herself in a situation she had been during the night Mark had had her in his room with Sandra sleeping somewhere else. Rori tried to push the thoughts of Mark away from her mind. There was silence. She turned. Her eyes met Drake. She turned again.

Drake sighed and touched her gently. "You are afraid," he said, gently. "What did you do that is making you to be so afraid? Did you let someone down?"

"I did more than that," Rori confessed.

"Who did you let down that bothers you so much?" Drake pressed.

"Someone who I am supposed to value."

"So, there is a problem with the person because you are meant to value the person but it appears you didn't or you aren't because of some of things that has happened between both of you?"

"You are close," Rori smiled. "It is a bit difficult to explain."

Drake sighed again. "You need to free yourself from whatever that is bothering you, Rori. You need to be strong and truthful as I have always been. Look at all the pretty gifts you got in your pretty little face! Be grateful and proud of the woman you have become, don't complain, don't be shy to express yourself. I am your friend. I will always be here for you as you have been doing for me since the death of Rosetta."

"Thank you for those kind words coming from your gentle lips," Rori said. She smiled. Drake acted more like a brother to her than a friend. For the past few days, he acted more like a sibling to her than her older sister, Sandra had done in the past two decades. He was ready to give her his undivided attention for as long as she wanted, to a far greater extent than she would ever had gotten from her sister. Rori didn't know how to start her experience. It was her major problem with everything that was going on. Accepting to tell wasn't the issue, telling was!

"I am still waiting to hear what you have to say," Drake's hands were folded around his chest.

Rori sat down. Drake sat down too. She placed her right hand on top of his right thumb. She squeezed gently.

"It is hard sometimes," she said.

"To confess? Yes, it is! Confessing is always hard even for the strongest of minds. If it would give you any form of comfort, I suggest we just drop this and figure out where you are going to sleep this night."

"No!" Rori refused. "I feel comfortable sharing my awful experience with you. I just don't know where to start."

"You can start from somewhere. In fact, anywhere!"

Rori smiled. She was feeling a bit better. She closed her eyes and rubbed her palms together. The feeling of guilt rushed through her spine. She broke free from it for a while and opened her eyes. Drake's eyes were staring back at her in a way that made her feel comfortable, in a way that made her feel loved.

"Are you ready?" Drake asked, tugging her gently.

"I think I am," Rori smiled again.

"Alright! Tell me what happened! Tell me everything!"

*

Rori felt a nervous flutter in her stomach as she watched herself spaced out in the bed that Drake and Rosetta were meant to share. Drake was lying on the floor. And she could feel his body fully stretched on the floor as if he was about to grasp a powerful object and save a planet from an imaginary reality. For a moment, she felt comfortable that she had finally let out her secret to someone she could trust - the secret she shared with Mark. She tried to close her eyes and think of swimming in a well-litted swimming pool, close to the sun. Then, suddenly, she felt a rise in doubts inside her head. What if she wasn't doing the right thing? What if telling Drake about her sexual experience with Mark wasn't the right thing to do? Then, slowly, she reconsidered the questions going on in her mind. Had she not pushed him into forcing her in a gentle manner to tell him about everything she wouldn't have talked in the first place? And what did that matter? She wouldn't have felt the peace she felt by keeping everything to herself, but her mind was still unsettled. She couldn't explain why.

Drake turned to her on the floor with a dazzling smile, and for an instant, she thought he was looking at her with his wide eyes. But he wasn't. She could imagine him telling her that she worried too much, and that the happiest moments in life were moments when she thought less of herself. Could she?

Rori sat up and turned on the light switch close to her. For a moment, she felt their eyes met and held each other but they didn't. Drake was fast asleep, probably feeling bad she had to go through a lot. Yet, she just couldn't get the thoughts of him seeing her as a whore or a promiscuous woman who derived pleasure in opening her world to a man who her sister had devoted her entire life to love away from her head. But was it her fault? What could she have done?

Rori moved away from the bed and lay down close to Drake. She could feel his breath. It was warm. She carefully placed his left hand on top of her shoulder and drew closer. They were close enough. She shut her eyes tightly as she let his kind presence overshadow her experience with Mark. An hour later, Drake's two hands were all over her.