Chapter 3

Even though I no longer had a heartbeat, it still hurt and made me want to curl up. So this was what my family thought of me—even when I was dead, I was still just throwing a tantrum for no reason.

The dining table was filled with leftovers from the wedding reception. I saw pork ribs, chicken wings, shrimp, and even half of the two-tier wedding cake.

It all smelled so good.

For the past three years, I'd been on a strict diet to prevent adverse reactions to my medication. All I could eat was soups and bland food, with barely any salt or fat.

I'd almost forgotten what meat tasted like. Hovering over the dining table, I greedily breathed in the aroma of the pork ribs.

"I'll fix a plate of food for Jon. He hasn't eaten all day." Ian couldn't bring himself to be so heartless.

He picked up a clean plate, put some pork ribs on it, and cut a slice of cake as well.

"Ian!"

Mom abruptly marched over and snatched the plate from his hands. With a loud clatter, everything—the plate and the food—went straight into the nearby trash can.

"Don't give him anything to eat!" Mom shouted furiously, her chest heaving. "I'm making this clear right here, right now! Nobody's allowed to bring him any food! Let him starve for three days and see how much energy he has left to pull this crap!"

Ian was startled. Standing there helplessly, he exclaimed, "Mom, what are you doing…"

"I'm doing this for his own good!" Mom pointed toward my bedroom door and shouted. "If we don't teach him a lesson, he'll never understand how much this family has sacrificed for him!

"He's just spoiled rotten! He thinks the whole world owes him something! So what if he's sick? So what if he has depression? Does he think everyone else has an easy life?"

I crouched beside the trash can and looked at the smashed-up piece of cake. I reached out for it, but all I grasped was empty air. I couldn't even eat trash anymore.

I wrapped my arms around my transparent knees and buried my face in them.

"It's okay. I… can't feel hunger anymore anyway. It's fine… really."

…

Late at night, the faint stench of blood wafted through the air.

Mom sat on the couch with Ian, still talking endlessly.

"Ian, I promise I'm not a bad person. I really am just… at the end of my rope. You don't know what these past few years have been like for me.

"I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages. Even when I'm in the bathroom, I have to keep my ears out for any unusual sounds. One minute he's threatening to jump out the window, and the next he's claiming he'll bash his head against the wall! My nerves have been stretched so thin that it feels like I'm going to snap at any given moment."

Ian listened in silence before pouring Mom a glass of water. "I get it, Mom. It's not easy to look after someone with a condition. But… I saw the look in Jon's eyes today. It felt like genuine despair. It didn't look like someone who's just putting on a show for attention."

For a moment, Mom went stiff. Cradling the glass in her hands, she gave a bitter smile.

"Despair, huh? When is Jon ever not in despair? Ever since he got sick, it's like he became a completely different person. He used to be such a good boy. He was smart and handsome. If he hadn't gotten sick, he'd probably be getting married, too…

"All our neighbors used to envy me for having such a wonderful son, but now? Everyone's constantly gossiping about us behind our backs. I just… have been suffering so much because of him."

I hid in the corner, watching Mom cry.

I wanted to tell her, "I'm sorry, Mom. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have gotten sick. I shouldn't have gone from being your wonderful son to a useless burden who caused nothing but trouble for the family."

I kept apologizing to her in all earnestness, even though no sound came out.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry, Jess. You guys won't have to suffer anymore. That useless son and burden on your lives has left. He's left for good now."

Ian spent a few more minutes consoling Mom before returning to the bedroom to get some sleep.

Mom was alone in the living room. She turned off the television, gathered up the trash, and headed back to the bedroom.

When she passed my bedroom door, she stopped and stood there for a long time before suddenly speaking.

"Jon, I… spoke a little harshly just now. My anger just got the better of me. You know what day it is. It was Jess' wedding reception, and we had all those guests around, yet you insisted on causing a scene. How else was I supposed to save myself from further embarrassment?

"Don't blame me for being harsh on you, Jon. I only made you go hungry so that you'll learn your lesson. I'll… I'll take you shopping for new clothes tomorrow, okay? I saw a white shirt at the mall the other day. I'm sure you'll look handsome in it."