I Hate How Much I Want You

Elias's POV

I knew I was going to lose the second the last lap started.

My car was fast, but Adrian Vale’s car was faster. I pushed the engine as hard as it could go. The tires screamed. My hands hurt from gripping the wheel. Up ahead I watched his car pull away. The checkered flag waved. He crossed the finish line in first place.

I finished in second position.

Again.

I climbed out of the car and ripped my helmet off. Dark hair stuck to my face. I could already see him. Adrian stood next to his car, golden-blonde hair messy from the helmet, blue eyes bright, smiling like winning was the easiest thing in the world.

Tall. Good-looking. Everyone already watching him.

He saw me and that smile got wider.

“First place again,” he called. “You’re really getting used to second, huh?”

“You got lucky,” I said.

“I got better.” He walked closer, still smiling that playful way he always did. “You try way too hard, Kane. I just have fun and still finish ahead of you.”

I shoved him in the chest. “Shut up.”

He shoved me back and laughed. “There it is. I love when you get mad. Makes beating you feel even better.”

People from both teams pulled us apart before I could hit him. Cameras pointed at us. Adrian just kept smiling and walked off with his crew like nothing happened.

That was Adrian Vale. His family had so much money from oil that he never had to worry about anything. Racing was just a hobby for him. Girls were a hobby too. He slept with someone new all the time and never cared. People still loved him. He was loud and bright and everything came easy.

My life was the opposite. My parents were divorced. There was never enough money. I worked every extra hour I could just to stay in college and keep racing. Racing was the only good thing I had. It was the only way I could see a future that wasn’t just survival. Every time Adrian beat me and smiled about it, I hated him more.

I went home for a short break before my shift. Our small apartment was quiet. Mom was on the couch with a blanket over her legs. She looked tired but she smiled when she saw me.

“You’re back early,” she said. “How did the race go?”

“Second,” I told her. I didn’t say anything about Adrian.

She reached out and squeezed my hand. “I’m proud of you anyway. You work so hard.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I gave her a quick hug. “I have to leave for the bar soon. There’s food in the fridge. Don’t wait up.”

“Be careful,” she said softly. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

I changed clothes and left again.

That night I was back behind the bar. I wiped the same spot on the counter over and over. The neon lights buzzed. Loud college kids shouted over the music. My feet already hurt and I still had two hours left.

The door opened and a whole group came in laughing.

Adrian was in the middle of them. Three girls held onto his arms. A couple of guys followed behind, laughing at every dumb thing he said. His blonde hair caught the light. Those blue eyes found me right away.

“Hey, look who it is,” he said loud enough for half the bar to hear. “My favorite second-place guy.”

I didn’t look up. “What do you want?”

He sat on a stool. The girls stayed close like they were glued to him. “Gin and tonic. Make it strong. Get them whatever they want too.” He watched me pour the drinks. “You look tired. Still thinking about how I passed you at the end of the race?”

“You talk too much.”

“And you always listen,” he said with that same grin. “Come on. You think about me more than you want to admit.”

One of the girls kissed his cheek. He didn’t even look at her. He kept watching me.

“You’re quiet tonight,” he said. “Normally you at least call me names or say I only win because of my family’s money.”

I set the glasses down harder than I needed to. “Just drink and leave me alone.”

He didn’t leave. He ordered more drinks. After a while someone I didn’t know passed around a tray of bright shots. Adrian took one without looking and kept talking in that same teasing voice, making sure his friends heard every word.

I grabbed a box of empty bottles and carried them to the quiet back room where we stored everything. I started arranging the bottles on the shelves, trying to ignore the noise from the main bar.

Footsteps followed me in.

““You running away again?” Adrian asked.

I turned around. He stood in the doorway, a little unsteady. His eyes looked darker than usual. “You’re drunk. Go back to your friends.”

“Maybe.” He stepped closer. He smelled like alcohol and something sweet I didn’t recognize. “Or maybe I’m just tired of you acting like you don’t watch me every time I get out of the car.”

“I don’t watch you.”

“Liar.” Adrian’s voice was lower now, almost soft. “You watch me on the track. You watch me in the paddock. You watch me when you think I won’t notice. I’ve seen it.”

I clenched my fists. “You’re imagining things.”

“Am I?” He took another step. “You know I do guys too, right? Not just girls. I’ve never been picky. And the way you look at me sometimes… I’m starting to think you’re not as straight as you pretend.”

Heat rushed up my neck. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Why? Hitting a nerve?” He smiled that same playful smile, only slower. “It’s okay, Kane. You can admit it. You’ve thought about it.”

“You’re a fucking faggot,” I snapped. “A rich, spoiled faggot who thinks everyone wants him. I don’t. I never will. You’re disgusting.”

Adrian’s blue eyes flashed, but the smile didn’t disappear. “Keep insulting me. It only makes this more interesting.”

“Get away from me.”

“No.”

“I mean it, Vale. Stay the hell away from me. I hate you. I’ve always hated you. You’re nothing but a privileged asshole who takes everything for granted.”

I turned my back on him and started walking toward the door. I didn’t expect anything else. I thought he would just stand there and keep talking.

Instead his hand suddenly locked around my wrist and yanked me back hard. I stumbled. Before I could catch my balance he spun me around, shoved me against the wall, and his mouth was on mine, kissing me hard like he wanted to ruin me.