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I Paid Them Back in Memories
I Paid Them Back in Memories
作者: Penelope

Chapter 1

作者: Penelope
“Sign here, Nora. Ivy needs to know what you’re willing to do for her.” My father turned the tablet toward me. At the other end of the dining table, my birthday dessert sat untouched beneath a pair of half-burned number candles.

Ivy was in my usual chair, wrapped in my mother’s knitted shawl. A dressing covered the back of her hand where an IV had been removed. Years of being forced to suppress her shifts had damaged her nerves; her fingers trembled around her fork.

I didn’t doubt she’d suffered. That afternoon, I’d gone with Mom to pick her up from the clinic. But nothing on the screen had anything to do with paying for her treatment.

My first shift, running through the woods, anniversaries with Evan. Dad had divided the parts of my life I treasured most into four charges. A note at the bottom specified that loans and money I’d earned wouldn’t count toward payment.

The total was $940,000, payable to Ivy Reed. A buyer’s estimate appeared beneath it. He’d even found a dealer who bought memories for potion ingredients.

“You adopted me when I was four.” I looked up at him. “I didn’t take her. I didn’t steal her life.”

Mom covered Ivy’s trembling hand with her own and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Nobody’s blaming you for the kidnapping. But you can’t pretend you didn’t benefit.”

“So you loved me, and now you’re billing me for it?”

“Watch your tone.” Dad was Blackpine’s Beta. He wasn’t used to having his decisions questioned at his own table. “Ivy was locked in a basement by the people who were supposed to look after her. You had a family, a mate, a marking ceremony to look forward to next year. Doesn’t any of that make you feel guilty?”

I turned to Luke. He was cutting up the chicken on Ivy’s plate. He set down his knife with an impatient clatter. “She can’t even sleep with the lights off, and you’re still arguing about who’s right?”

I’d carried my floor lamp into her room the night before. I knew she was afraid of the dark. I hadn’t realized that was another charge against me. I’d helped because she needed a light, without once asking her to be grateful. Now even knowing what she’d been through apparently meant I had no right to question the bill.

Evan sat beside me. At the clinic that afternoon, he’d rested his hand against the back of my neck and told me not to worry because he was there for me.

Now he picked up the tablet and scrolled through the charges. “At least there’s a number. That’s better than leaving Ivy wondering whether you actually want her here.”

My wolf whimpered inside me. I pressed my palms against my knees so nobody would see them shake. Evan was close enough to notice. He hadn’t reached for my hand, and I was suddenly afraid to reach for his. “Do you even know how they turn these memories into money?”

“Witches have their methods. Don’t make this sound worse than it is.”

“If Nora doesn’t want to do it, that’s okay.” Ivy’s voice was barely audible. “I can move out.”

Mom immediately pulled her close. Dad put a hand on the tablet before I could push it back. “You’ve got seven days. I want an answer before the welcome-home celebration.”

I took out my phone and photographed every page without signing. “I’m going to find out what you’re asking me to do.”

The next morning, I visited a witch’s clinic in town. Maeve wore jeans, and a coffee mug sat beside the computer she used for appointments. She read the list without trying to hurry me along.

“This is a price list they gave you, Nora. It doesn’t mean you owe them anything.”

“I know.” My grip tightened around my phone. “I need to know if it’s possible.”

She set a small bottle of deep blue liquid between us.

“Memories of the people you’ve cared about most are valuable ingredients because of the feelings attached to them. That’s what the buyers are paying for. Before each dose, we agree on exactly which memories you’re selling.”

She turned the list toward me.

“When those memories go, the feelings in them go, too. Someone you loved can become a stranger. But you’ll still remember your work, your skills, and people outside the relationships you’ve chosen. You won’t forget meeting me because you’ve sold your memories of your brother.”

“What if I change my mind after I take the money?”

“You can give the money back. You can’t put the memories back. They’re used up in making the potions. Photos and other people’s stories can tell you something happened. You can learn the dates, the places, even what you said to each other. But knowing those things won’t make you remember being there.” Maeve waited until I was looking at her. “You could know someone is your brother and have no memory of ever loving him.”

I stared at the bottle and remembered being sixteen, still struggling to keep up with the others after shifting. Luke had crouched at the entrance to the trail and rested his palm on my forehead. He’d promised he wouldn’t leave until I’d made it to the end.

Whenever I got scared afterward, I pictured his gray wolf waiting around the bend. Yesterday, he’d been angry that I wasn’t being considerate enough.

I slid the bottle back. “Not today.”

Outside, I called Evan and asked him to meet me by the training grounds. He arrived twenty minutes late, with Ivy’s rehabilitation schedule still open on his phone.

“Maeve says once they’re gone, they’re gone.” I held out the information she’d given me. “This isn’t uploading a video for somebody else to watch. I’ll actually forget you.”

He didn’t take the paper. He reached for my face instead, and I stepped back. [Please just read it. I need you to understand what I’m telling you.] “Then pick something else,” he said. “You’ve got a whole lifetime of memories. You’ll find enough.”

“Those are the ones worth money.”

He finally glanced at the page before looking back at me. “You never used to put me in the middle like this, Nora. Ivy can’t handle any more stress right now. Can you just help her feel safe?”

“What about me?”

His phone rang before he answered. Mom wanted to know whether he could take Ivy to her next appointment. He agreed, then turned back to me. “We’ll talk about us later.”

Back in my car, I removed the digital invitation to our marking ceremony from my home screen. Then I opened an email I’d saved two months earlier.

Riverbend Pack’s rehabilitation center had been hiring an assistant. Its director, Leah, had told me my placement evaluations were more than good enough for the job. I’d kept her offer, even after deciding I couldn’t leave Evan.

I wrote back to ask whether the position was still available. I needed somewhere to go if things at home didn’t change.

Then I booked another appointment with Maeve.

I still hoped that once the first payment arrived, Mom would ask what I’d lost. That she would finally understand what Dad’s list meant and tell him to stop.

I wasn’t ready to give up on all of them. The first memories I’d sell were the ones of my brother.
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  • I Paid Them Back in Memories   Chapter 10

    I took two days off after the rejection. Leah rearranged my shifts. A nurse brought soup to my door, knocked, and left it for me. Nobody told me how much they’d given up to look after me or asked what I would do for them in return.On the third day, I went to the trail behind the center and shifted. My chest still ached when my paws touched the ground. I ran slowly for a little while, then stopped to sniff the grass. Other wolves passed farther along the trail and wagged their tails in greeting. None of them called for me to hurry up.I went around the bend and finished the route under my own strength.A month later, my representative sent the final outcome. Blackpine had formally retracted the accusations against me and acknowledged that I owed the Reeds no compensation. Grant had accepted the review of his conduct and stopped asking his old subordinates to find out where I was.Evan had moved out of the residence reserved for the future Alpha and returned to an ordinary patrol assign

  • I Paid Them Back in Memories   Chapter 9

    The hearing was on Friday. I finished work early and borrowed the computer in Leah’s office. On-screen, Grant wasn’t sitting at the head of the table. His Beta insignia lay in front of him. His report listed each payment he’d demanded and every time he’d refused to read the information about the potions.“I knew the memories were about her relationships with us,” he said. “I thought she’d never be able to bring herself to sell them. And I thought if she did start, we could end it whenever we wanted. We’d tell her she’d done enough.”The Alpha asked why he hadn’t stopped her when the second payment arrived. Grant sat without answering for a long time.“Because she hadn’t admitted she was wrong.”Martha covered her mouth and turned away from the camera. My representative shared Ivy’s messages. In one of them, she’d asked Grant if my memories of Evan could be included. He’d asked why.[If she remembers being the favorite, she’ll always think it’s unfair.]His agreement appeared immediatel

  • I Paid Them Back in Memories   Chapter 8

    Evan didn’t turn up at the center the way Luke had. He emailed first, saying he was staying nearby and wanted to apologize in person. I could choose the time and place.I turned him down. His next email included the written statement he’d submitted to Blackpine’s Alpha and the pack office about his use of the guards at the celebration. He admitted that he’d tried to prevent me from leaving after I’d explicitly refused to stay.He hadn’t blamed the mate bond. He hadn’t said he’d panicked and couldn’t help himself.I asked my representative to verify the document. Once she had, I agreed to give him ten minutes.We met at the coffee shop outside the rehabilitation center. I chose a seat close to the exit. Evan kept his hands on the table and didn’t move his chair any closer to mine.“I went to see Maeve,” he said.“She can’t restore my memories for you.”“She told me.” He looked at the coffee he hadn’t touched. “She showed me the dates of your appointments. The third one was the morning a

  • I Paid Them Back in Memories   Chapter 7

    The staff housing was behind Riverbend’s rehabilitation center. When I arrived, the nurse on duty was yawning over a medication inventory. She gave me my key and pointed me toward the fridge.“Leah said you’d been traveling. I saved you something. You don’t need to report in until ten tomorrow, so get some sleep first.”My room had a lock of its own and a fresh set of sheets, still in the packaging, beside the bed. I put down my bag and checked that the key worked. For the first time, I went to bed without opening the family chat to see what anyone wanted from me.The next day, I assessed a patrol member recovering from a knee injury. With my hands against his joint, I knew exactly which movements to check and what to record. I couldn’t remember who’d celebrated with me when I’d qualified to do this work. I paused, then finished my notes.Leah read the assessment and asked whether I could take over next week’s basic rehabilitation class. I said yes. I still knew enough to earn my own r

  • I Paid Them Back in Memories   Chapter 6

    Evan moved in front of me before the pack official reached the table. “You’re not in any state to leave the territory.”“I’m able to work and make my own decisions.” I held out my employment confirmation. “Maeve’s assessment is attached. You can read it.”He didn’t take it. His eyes stayed on the name of the pack that had hired me. I turned the page so he could see the assessment, but he still wouldn’t read it. My new employer had checked that I was fit to work. Evan wouldn’t even look at the confirmation. Then he lowered his voice and told the guards at the entrance to close the doors for a while.Both men hesitated. One glanced at the other, but they started toward the exit.The pull in my chest became painful. I stepped back beside Maeve, took out my phone, and started recording. “Evan, tell them to stop.”“I need you to stay one night. That’s all I’m asking.”“I haven’t agreed to that.”“She’s made herself perfectly clear.” A deep voice came from the other side of the head table. A

  • I Paid Them Back in Memories   Chapter 5

    The woman closest to me gave a short, disbelieving laugh. Her hand was still raised, as if she expected me to let her touch me once she’d made her point. “Nora, I’m not in the mood for one of your little performances. It’s Mom.”I took the list of names from my folder and checked hers. “Martha Reed?”Her lips parted. No answer came, so I went on. “I’m here to settle the account. I need written confirmation that you’ve received the full nine hundred and forty thousand dollars.”The middle-aged man got to his feet. His expression hardened, as though I’d insulted him in front of everyone. “You won’t even call me Dad now?”“She doesn’t remember you.” Maeve laid the assessment on the table, where they could all see it. “Nora has authorized me to explain the results of her treatment. The memories of her family relationships with the Reeds, and her romantic relationship with Evan Kane, have all been extracted.”Evan caught my arm so abruptly that I flinched. “What do you mean, all of them?”M

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