11–Dangerous Daydreams

MARYJANE

I still can’t believe I did that. When he pulled my body against his and admitted he gets the same bad feelings that I do, I needed to taste him. I can see why he likes to bite there. If he hadn’t ground his bottom half into me, I would have stayed like that for an hour, gently nibbling his flesh.

But that’s another problem. I’ve never even felt another man’s, you know, until then. It was shocking. I didn’t know it would feel like that. I didn’t expect it to be so big, and I never knew what ‘hard’ meant until I felt it. And if it feels like that through his pants, what will it be like with no clothes on?

Oh no. Here I go again, thinking about Gustavo in ways I shouldn’t. I didn’t even have these thoughts about my ex-boyfriends, but here I am, thinking dirty thoughts about a guy I’ve known less than a week.

I like the way he holds me. Gustavo is extremely tall and muscular, and I know he could crush me to death at any moment. When I was in his arms, there was no threat, only protection. He held me like I was a special prize meant only for him.

The small moan Gustavo let out as I kissed him still echoes in my ear. But it’s not like I’ll hear it again. I’ll never be able to look at him again after what happened last night.

I drop my face in my hands. Why me? I didn’t want a hot criminal to make his way into my life.

“Still agonizing over that guy, I see.” Donovan whirls his chair to face me.

“There is no guy,” I blurt.

“Uh huh. You try to cover up those marks on your neck, but I can still see them.”

I’m bright red as he stares at me. This isn’t a subject I want to talk about at work. The acquisition, the kittens, what I want for lunch. Anything but Gustavo.

“So, do you have a picture? I want to see what your man looks like.”

“I don’t have—”

“He’s hot.” Rina’s head pokes over my cubicle. “The bad boy type.”

I forgot we’re going to lunch together. She must’ve gotten tired of waiting for me and made her way up here. She’s never even been to the accounting department. But I suppose it’s easy enough to find the admin building, go to the third floor, and then wander around until she found my cubicle.

Donovan cackles. “You don’t strike me as the type to like bad boys.” He turns to face Rina. “How hot, exactly?”

I try to interrupt them, but Donovan is interrogating her about Gustavo. How big are his biceps? Does he have tattoos? What about long hair?

Big, a ton of tattoos, and no, short hair.

“Your man does sound hot,” Donovan says.

“He’s not my man,” I blurt. “C’mon, Rina. Let’s go.”

I shove the papers I need into my bag. After this I need to make a stop to HR, because the ever-lovely Kristen hasn’t been returning my emails. I don’t say I hate people, because that’s not nice, but if I did hate someone it would be her. She’s so mean to me and I’ve never done anything to her.

“Donovan will never get off my back now,” I grumble.

“Who cares. I’d flaunt that guy anywhere. What’s his name, anyways?”

“Gustavo.”

I’m the only one who calls him that, but there’s no way I’m introducing him as ‘Gustavo Silver.’ It’s so embarrassing to go by that last name.

“Like, what you put on your feet?”

“Yes, like that.” I pivot the conversation, not wanting to talk about him anymore. “Let’s stop by HR for a minute. Kristen hasn’t been returning my emails, and I need this invoice approved ASAP.”

“That blonde bitch?”

Yes, that would her. Widely known around Flux, she hates any girl around her age. She’ll give them the cold shoulder and make their lives as miserable as possible. It’s inevitable she meets them, because she processes new hires.

“Mhm.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

I snort and walk out of the elevator. “It always is with her.”

We walk into HR and she’s sitting in her cubicle, wearing her usual prissy face and scribbling on a document. Maybe it won’t be so bad if we both go at the same time. Or, it will catalyst, and she’ll be twice as pissed. I hope for the former.

“Hi Kristen,” I say. “I was in the area and wanted to follow up on an invoice. Can you approve it?”

She glares at me. “Why didn’t you send me an email?”

The second scenario is looking far more likely. It’s naive of me to think the girl would ever react to me in a positive—or at least neutral—way.

“I sent a few. I brought the invoice with me.” I pull it out of my bag and set it on her table. “So…if you can review and sign right now.”

Kristen looks like she’s about to say no, but her supervisor chooses that moment to walk by. Kristen’s widely hated by girls our age, but all the men love her. She’s continuously sucking up to them, and it’s vomit inducing. It’s fortunate that her immediate supervisor is male.

She puts on her best fake smile and happily exclaims, “Of course, I can! Sorry about the delay.”

“No problem.”

Kristen scribbles her signature and Rina and I skitter out of HR.

“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” she muses.

“We got lucky.”

If her supervisor hadn’t walked by I would’ve had to figure out a different tactic. Crying, maybe. Or I could take a wet paper towel to her face and cut up her Birkin bag.

I’m spending too much time with Gustavo. I never think things like that, even about people like Kristen. Stupid bad influence.

“So, have you written any poems yet?” Rina asks.

Shoot. No, I haven’t written any poems yet. I’ve been so busy agonizing over Gustavo that writing poetry hasn’t even crossed my mind.

“Um…”

Rina sighs. “Write some poems. Maybe you can write them about Gustavo, if he’s being so frustrating. But mostly write them for yourself. This will be a great chance to break out of your shy bubble.”

I start to protest but she stops me. “Nope! We’re going, and you’re going to be the most gregarious person there. Or at least after a few sessions.”