Chapter XIII: Love?

After an hour, Chris and I are tired from painting and playing around. The whole rooftop is now painted in the mixture of color black, orange, yellow, green, red, and blue. Chris drew the moon at the upper left corner of the rooftop away from the staircase while I drew the sun below, away from the moon. 

We’re also soaking in paints. My hair is a mess and so is Chris’ which shows how much we had fun, “this does not incorporate the artwork theme of this building.” We should have at least painted a cage or a bird but we painted the sky with the moon and the sun present together. 

“We exercised our freedom to do whatever we want in this building.” I laughed. Maybe he’s right. We did not paint freedom, we exercised our freedom.

From what we did, I felt like there is a part of me who wishes that days like these would never end. But I always come back to how tragic my life is. 

We remained in our position, the sun’s up and I think it’s past six. “Chris, have you ever fallen in love?” I asked curiously, because he sounds like he did. I think he can relate to the story of the sun and the moon so his love life was one of those love stories that can be considered as a tragedy.

“Yes, once.”

Although I already expected that his answer would be yes, still, it amused me. From laying down, we’re now sitting in front of each other, crossed legs. “What happened?” He shrugged. “She died. It was love at the wrong time.” 

Now I do not know which is more sad. Is it the love story which at least happened but did not end well or the one which never happened.

Should we consider a love story that ended sadly as a tragedy or a love story that never had a chance to happen as more tragic?

Either way, any situation in love is painful. I think. 

Masakit magmahal. 

Masarap sa pakiramdam minsan, oo. Pero parang mas lamang ‘yung mga araw na ang pag-ibig ay nagdudulot ng sakit sa kalooban. 

Yet, a painful love is still love. I think it’s inseparable. One cannot admit that it is love if there is no pain, for being in pain while you love just implies how much you adore the person. 

Chris told me that the girl she loved died and he couldn’t save her, he couldn’t do anything. He did not elaborate on it that much, because he always set himself as a mysterious person. Which I hate the most. I let it pass though, maybe it is still painful for him and talking about it would just make it hard for him to move on. 

Ibinalik niya sa akin ‘yung tanong, “You, have you ever fallen in love?” I laughed. Surely way back in elementary and high school I had a lot of crushes. I have this definition that love is loving the most brilliant and handsome man in the school. That’s why I “loved” varsity players and heartthrobs back then. For me, love is just a simple thing and does not have many complexities. If my heart beats for that person, then he is the one I love. If I do not feel anything anymore, then the love is gone.

Until I fell in love with a man who did not even know me in college. He was the simple guy, gentleman, handsome, and studious type of person. He’s from the engineering department. He’s not that popular, but in my eyes he really stands out from a crowd. From the back, I can easily say if it is him or not. In my eyes, he’s the most brilliant and handsome person in our school. 

“Bakit hindi ka umamin?” Chris asked.

“He has a girlfriend and I don’t want to ruin their relationship.”

“So you admired him from afar?” Chris laughed in his words. But that’s what I really did. I was always updated about his life. Pat knows about him as well. Nang minsan na malasing kasi ako at nakita ko siya na kasama ‘yung girlfriend niya ay umiyak ako kay Pat, kaya nalaman niya. I never thought I would cry over a guy. And I definitely cannot imagine myself hurting because of a guy which I admired from first year until we graduated. 

“Dapat umamin ka,” Love is a mysterious thing for me until now. Well, who else did not wonder about it like this? 

Love makes you do unimaginable things. Crazy things. Hear it from me who have seen people do stupid acts for the sake of love.

“Maybe I do not love him enough to tell him my feelings, I was just drawn with the attraction that I have for him. I was just getting used to that feeling so I hold onto it even though I am not really certain about it.” 

It’s true. Now that I’ve thought about it again, I have second thoughts about whether it is really love. Chris has a lot of follow up questions but I ignored him, does he think he is the only one that can be mysterious?

He gave up and just started to clean up our mess.

I just watched him. I am not in the mood to help him and he did not even mind that I was just sitting here, browsing my phone. Taking a picture of him and our artwork. I can say we make a great pair and we’re not that bad artists, especially him. 

I was busy taking a picture of our artwork and later realized that he was done cleaning up and he was taking a picture of me right now. How did I find out? He forgot to turn off the flash. How would someone open a flashlight in this fine sunny weather, not unless you took a picture and you forgot to turn off the flash.

Conclusion, he took a picture of me. 

“Make sure that I am pretty there. You can use it for my wake.” I joked, which he did not laugh at. My bad, that’s a bad joke I guess. He gestured to me to come at him, “for remembrance.” 

I let him take a photo of me because I also took a photo of him without his consent. We also took a lot of selfies together with our artwork. 

Now, we both have a lot of memories from each other. This is our first picture, surprisingly we’re not shy with each other. We took different poses, wackies, and candid images. “Let’s sign it.” He handed me one of the spray paints.

We wrote our name together.

I stared at it. What would other people say if they saw this? Imagine leaving a mark that tells, “hey, I was here.” That at this moment, I existed.

I felt like crying but I managed to hold my tears. 

It’s a simple thing, Leira. That is just a signature. That is just your name. It’s just a piece of art which may be gone ten years from now. Which may be disrupted and vandalized. Nothing to cry about.

It’s what I keep on telling myself.

A stomach growl pulled me out from my thoughts, “we should get something to eat.” I looked at Chris who's now holding his stomach. 

He must be tired and hungry. Early in the morning, cup noodles were the only food we ate.

I agreed with him, since Aurodon is still closed we have to look for other restaurants in the next town or Chris can die from food poisoning if he’ll let me cook for us. 

The first one would be the best choice, but he said he’ll cook for us, which surprised me. As we approached the exit, the lady guard nodded and smiled at us. I looked at Chris, “by the way, how did you convince her?” I browsed the internet a while ago about this place and saw that they strictly adhere to the rule of opening and closing on time except on special occasions. Christ held my waist and pulled me closer to him, I was about to push him but, “ingat po kayo and congrats po,” the lady guard stated – looking closely at my stomach then on the hands of Chris on my waist. 

We passed the exit gate. 

I immediately push Chris and throw a deadly glare at him, which, if really is deadly, he’s lying on the road by now. Instead of explaining, he laughed at me and continuously walked to the camper van. 

Padabog akong pumasok, “did you tell her that I am pregnant and I want to be at Aurodon?” He did not answer and started the van. 

I have no choice but to hold on to the metal tube of the curtain. We’re still in our messy selves and I have no idea where we are going. We’re both hungry and to be honest, I am a bit excited for the dish that he’ll cook for us. I just hope it's for real and it's edible.