There are so many things in this world that one is afraid of. Fear drives people to do something absurd. For instance, if you fear losing a person, you’d do everything just for the person to stay with you. To some, fear helps them to transcend. These fears are seen as challenges for some to overcome it and discover oneself. For some, to be afraid is to try things out more to know if you can conquer it or not. To fear is to be brave. And to be brave is to fear. Fears. Phobias. Everyone has it. The fear of being alone, being in love, being in a crowded place, fear of certain animals, plants, and the lists go on. Even the weirdest fears like fear of a certain word, expressions, and colors. Whilst others fear these things, the one that I fear is myself. I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of the things that I can do and the things that I cannot. I fear that at the very end of everything there will be no one to blame but myself. That at the very end of all of these is that I am th
Life is like a rollercoaster ride. The thrills. The ups and downs. Nakakahilo. Minsan masusuka ka. But rollercoaster rides have different builds, mine had been down for a long time and in a constant 360 degree turn. Paikot-ikot. It’s like a journey using public transportation. You’ll have people at the beginning of the journey, some of them will leave you eventually, some will stay for a moment then still leave you after. By the end of your own ride, you’ll leave the vehicle because you’re at the destination you wanted – leaving some people behind that were physically there on your own journey. It has ups and downs like a beating heart on a lifeline. Because if it is straight, it only means one thing – death. Ako ang naunang sumuko sa titigan naming dalawa dahil sa pagpunas ko sa sarili kong luha. I turned my back to him but he grabbed both of my arms forcing me to face him. He stared at me and then without a word, he hugged me. I was stunned by his random actions. Sabagay pa
Chris and I arranged all our belongings inside the camper van. It was delivered earlier after our conversation with one another. Of course Chris agreed with my terms and conditions. As soon as one of the three conditions were not met, he would immediately take me whenever I wanted to be dropped off. I also agreed to finish the list with him. Like really finish it. "We're good to go?" I nodded to his question. The interior of the van was now yellow, yellow gold, and white. It's appealing to the eyes and gives off a fresh look to the van. I can say that the mechanic and all those who helped to repair the van were really expert, not a single hit from the accident was evident. Not even a scratch would be seen. And if I don't know that this van has been used for almost a month already, I would say that it is brand new and this is its first time on the road. “So where is our next stop?” I am sitting in the passenger seat while Chris was of course – at the driver’s seat. His foot is not
My mom said that hair is a staple for being a professional model and beauty queen. She told me that either you're bald or you keep your hair long. She said that the hair is essential to be kept and taken care of because it is our crowning glory. Someone’s appearance can possibly be changed for better or to worse depending on the looks of their hair. I never thought that cutting your hair and styling it the way it did not used to look like, would feel this empowering. I tilted my head and even turned around, feeling the looks of my hair. Madam Vannie and Chris were staring at me but I don’t care about what they are thinking right now. All I know is I love my look and I love this strange feeling inside me. “It suits you.” Commented by Chris. I bit the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from smiling. Chris talked with madam Vannie while I was sitting pretty at the waiting area. I was humming random Rivermaya songs, tapping my fingers on the chair, while watching my swinging feet.
My feet were hurting. Joe was right, we did not cross any rivers nor went for the tenth mountain. We just crossed rice fields and plains. It’s not that hard to walk at, unlike when we went to the cave at Tiana. But still, the two hours of walking made my feet hurt. A smile on my face appeared when I could finally see the small village where people were waiting for us. As soon as they saw us, the children jumped in joy and the elderly waved at us. Joe and the other old volunteers have been doing this for three years now. It’s a dedication for them which happened to start as a joke but his group of friends loved the idea so they made it all true. The villagers welcomed us warmly, the smile on their faces signifies how happy they are that we are here. It made me think that Joe’s group was really doing a great job. Most of the children already knew them, they hugged Joe and Fiona – two of the seven original volunteers. The women asked the children to go home because we had already a
All of us gathered for lunch. I already took a lot of photos and had so much fun to the point that I think the SD card was full. There are so many precious moments for me and so I took each and every one of them. Inikot ko ‘yung buong village, the area where there is an on-going medical mission, those who are preparing for food. All of them smiled and posed whenever I came near them. They give it their best expressions – the volunteers, the children, the elderly. Chris’ eyes never left mine. After taking a picture of them while cooking, his eyes started following me. It’s weird but I neglected him because I am really in a good mood. It’s past twelve when Chris called us and announced that the food was ready. Just like yesterday, the food is placed on the banana leaves. Since everyone would eat, they prepared four long tables so we could all eat together. I gave back the camera to Anthony, “send them to me, please.” He agreed and asked where he can access me online. I gave him my d
I cannot remember when was the last time that I felt so proud of myself. No matter how many medals, certificates, and ribbons were given to me I felt like it was just an enough payment because I did a hard work to attain those. My parents were telling me that they are proud of me because of that, to the point that one day it got me thinking that, “what if one day I won’t receive any medals, certificates, or ribbons, anymore. Are they still going to be proud of me?” Because no matter how many awards were given to me, I was never proud of myself. I did not receive any direct answers from them since I did not ask them. I kept it to myself but their actions screamed the answer. Chris was just staring at me, giving me the odd feeling again that I cannot expound. Siya na ang naunang bumitaw ng tingin, “it’s late. You’ll be demonstrating how to do it tomorrow so you have to rest.” I nodded. He’s right. Although I cannot feel any weariness, my eyes are already heavy. Pakiramdam ko’y wala pa
It was surprising how I survived two days with less thoughts of taking my own life. Maybe because I am too distracted to even think about myself right now. As I see the lights that we made I feel like crying. As if every piece of bottle shares a fragment of me, leaving it here as a great memory. “I love seeing your genuine smiles. I love hearing your laughter.” I pretended that I did not hear what Chris said and just looked at Datu Mansod who was dancing while the villagers were all chanting. The night continues to be better. The group of children that I took a bath earlier pulled me to dance. “Tara na ate. Ang ganda ng mga ngiti mo sa bawat indak ng sayaw.” I laughed with their deep words. And so the dancing continues. When it was almost midnight, everyone was starting to arrange the things that they used. The children were already in the houses, taking a rest. All that remained were Chris and I and the other elderly along with Datu Mansod. “Ramdam ko ang bigat at kaguluhan ng