Feelings

KAREN

"Take me home, please," I settle in with a sigh of relief. 

What a day!

I unbuckle my silver strapped heeled sandals and slip my feet out of them with a quiet moan of relief. 

One of the worst days yet. 

A day filled with nothing but pretense and disappointment. 

..but what's done is done..

I now know where I stand in my family. 

I'm the one who's life has to be sacrificed for a family that has no sympathy whatsoever. 

A waste of time and effort. 

Now I know what all those years of intense grooming really were for. 

I wasn't groomed to be the perfect wife for Mr Right, I was groomed to fit in front of the cameras. To keep up pretense. 

Ever since I was born, I have done everything for them and what do I get in return?

Nothing.

Responsibility. Duty. Loyalty.

All an excuse to hide their selfish intentions. 

When do I get to do something I really want to do?

At this rate if I keep sucking it up to them, it'll be never. 

That'd mean giving up my entire life all for nothing. 

No can do. 

I won't do that to myself and my future. And my future will definitely not be with an abusive husband. 

A man who has refused to kiss me since we met. 

He obviously doesn't care for me, I see it in his eyes when he looks at me. 

An image of Jason with that horrible look of silent scorn in his eyes flashes through my mind and I cringe visibly though involuntarily. 

Our relationship is just business as usual. 

Fake. 

He could at least pretend to care off cameras. 

I haven't been with any man before and the one I'm contracted to marry doesn't even want me. 

I close my eyes and lean my head on the head rest of the seat as the Jeep cruises smoothly down the road. 

It really hurts. 

But not for long. 

I am taking charge of my life and that is it. 

*** *** ***

"...like the circus meets the clouds, it's game on…" I hum under my breath as I step out of the bathroom. 

The popular pop song playing softly from the speakers. 

A very warm shower helps on bad days. 

I just figured that out. 

I am such a genius.

I smile at my reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror stationed in my very big master bedroom as I pat my hair dry.

My quick movements slow down as I take a thorough look at my face and body in the mirror. 

Almond shaped eyes, light brown eyes, a small nose standing proudly – and which has also been called cute by Dad many times – , full luscious lips.

My hands slowly make their way up to my lips and immediately flashes of Henley's lips on mine fill my mind. 

I close my eyes, a soft sigh releasing from my lips as I don't try to banish the images in my head. Instead I let them run free. 

Henley's lips on mine..

Henley's lips trailing down my body..

Henley taking me against a wall..

Henley..

My phone rings loudly jolting me from my reverie.

I sigh again, loudly this time as I make my way to where the phone lay ringing on the bed. 

It's Henley.

My already racing heart picks up speed and begins to beat wildly in my chest. 

Unconsciously I lick lips that have already gone dry as I answer the question. 

"Hello," my bath robe is damp but I sit on the bed anyway. 

"Hello Karen," the way my name rolls of his tongue is like music to my ears. 

I suddenly feel weak in the knees. 

Thank goodness I'm sitting already..

"Um, hi," I giggle.

"I called to apologize for my behavior the last time we spoke,"

"Oh," I say.

"Yes. I didn't mean to snap at you the way I did and I am sorry," his voice had already taken on a sombre tone.

Does this mean he's backing out?

He won't chase me like he promised?

"You didn't snap at me though. In my opinion," I reassure him.

He draws in a deep breath and the sound in my ears puts forbidden images in my head. 

"I did, Karen. And I haven't been able to think properly ever since. My conscience wouldn't let me," he confesses.

I smile though he can't see me. 

"I forgive you," I say with a giggle as I am overcome with a giddy feeling of happiness.

"Thank you, Karen," 

"You're welcome,"

"I meant what I said. Though I didn't plan to say it the way I did but my plans to get you remain the same," a pause, "I want you and I'll do everything to make you mine."

With words so raw and direct, who can resist?

I release the breath I didn't know I had been holding on a shudder.

"Hmm," I say after a long pause.

"Does that mean you want me too? A yes?" He asks. 

"It means I'd love to see what you'll do to claim me," I smile smugly. 

Of course I want to be his. 

No doubt now that I want to live my life on my terms. 

But…

I also want him to chase me.

I need to feel wanted, desired, claimed. 

"Oh," he laughs softly and I wish he'd keep laughing like that. 

I like everything he does. 

What's wrong with me?

"Well, challenge accepted," he says. 

I can't help it, a loud giggle escapes and he laughs along. 

"I am so happy you're giving me a chance Karen. You don't know how long I have dreamed of this happening,"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I saw how you were with Jason. You didn't have eyes for anyone else," 

I wince at the memory. 

How foolish of me, falling in love with a man who ended up not caring if I ate or not. 

I pause for a while. 

"I was fooled and taken for granted. It took me a long time to realize it," it hurts to confess and I have never said this out loud to anyone's hearing before. 

There must be something in the air. 

Love is in the air..

A voice in my head says suddenly and I let out a single laugh at the thought. 

Surely this isn't love, it's just two adults attracted to each other. 

After my last love attempt, falling in love is out of the books for me. 

"Why are you laughing?" Henley asks me. 

"At how foolish I was," I reply. 

"You were never foolish, you just fell for the wrong person," 

Is Henley the right person?

Only one way to find out. 

"I know you're probably wondering if I'm the right person for you," he says suddenly as if he just read my mind, "I may not be perfect but all I ask is for you to let me show you how much I care," 

"Uhm..when will you begin…the chase?" I bite my bottom lip and suck on it. 

"It has already begun. But I have to warn you..," 

"Yeah?"

"You have always known me to be the perfect gentleman which I still am, no doubt," a pause.

"Go on," I urge, eager to hear the rest of the sentence. 

"I am going to let go and show you parts of me that you didn't know existed. Can you take all of me, Karen?"

Why and how his voice has suddenly gone deeper, I have no idea. 

What I do have an idea of is how wet I'm getting at the prospect of knowing all sides of Henley. 

Everything about Henley turns me on and it's too late to deny that. 

"Yes,"

I hope. 

"That's a good girl," he praises me. 

I squeeze my thighs tight in a bid to ease the tension down there. 

Does he know what he's doing to me?

"I have to finish up work," he says.

"Oh!" 

He runs his own company.

I forgot. 

"Oh, okay," I say in a rush. 

He chuckles. 

"We'll talk very soon, Karen. In person. Have sweet dreams." 

"Drive safely," I tell him. 

I stare into space for several minutes wondering what the hell I just agreed to. 

I am flush and wet down there. 

It's time to drown the sexual tension in movies and popcorn. 

I get up from the bed and make the trip into my closet that's big enough to house two masters. 

I need a night gown and it's going to be a long night.