“ You just keep embarrassing yourself aren’t you?” Stefan once again laughed because of my miserable face that’s why I can’t help to throw him a daggered look dahil kasalanan niya ang lahat.
If he didn’t passed out and make me drink too much to the point that I almost lost myself then I will not make out with Rameses and I will not shout to Matthew for having a frustrated feelings.
“ Iiyak iyak ka kasi!” galit kong turan dito bago siya tuktukan sa ulo niya dahil sa sobrang inis.
“ I didn’t cry! It was just your stupid hallucination!” he defended habang inaayos ang hawak sa manibela dahil nakasabunot ako sa buhok niya.
Nagbiyabiyahe kami ngayon papunta sa pinakamalapit na coffee shop sa tabi ng school ni Matthew. I am contemplating whether I am going to apologize to him dahil sa nagawa ko. I feel like he didn’t really deserve to be shouted and ignored that way.
“ Mababangga tayo Radia!” Stefan shouted habang kumakawala sa pagkakasabunot ko sa buhok niya. He is also having a hard time dahil may hangover pa siya pero pinagdrive ko na agad siya papunta dito.
“ Just drive! Baka umiyak ka nanaman diyan!” I teased him before faking shedding my tears just like how he did last night pero ang mokong ay nanahimik lang sa tabi dahil hindi daw niya maalala kung ano daw ang sinasabi ko.
I keep on telling him that he cried yesternight while confessing that he likes someone but this ugly brute just called me a scam and story maker. Bahala nga siya, kaya din siguro siya iniiwan dahil hindi niya maamin kung ano ang tunay na nararamdaman niya. He is just so dense and playful at the same time.
“ What will you say to him?” he asked before parking the car just outside the coffee shop. Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko dahil kahit ako ay hindi ko din alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko once na nakaharap ko si Matthew. What I did is rude, just plain rude.
“ I am sorry?” patanong kong tanong kay Stefan umaasa na tutulungan niya ako in forming a correct sentence but the brute just laugh like I said something that is ridiculous.
“ Try adding some emotions,” he said before mimicking my gestures earlier. Inis kong ibinato ang dala kong bag dahil sa ginagawa niya pero hindi niya ako tinigilan hanggang sa makarating kami sa coffee shop.
Like what I expected ay punong-puno ng mga estudyante ang lugar na iyon, hindi pa nakatulong na malapit ng maglunch break kaya marami na ang nagsisilabasan.
“ Chicks!” Stefan said before whistling to some random freshmen girls na napadaan sa gilid namin. Binatukan ko siya dahil sa ginawa niya but he just laughed at my reaction and continue to survey the place.
Palinga linga ako nagbabakasakali na makita ko si Matthew dito but after how many minutes ay sumuko na ako dahil hindi ata siya nagagawi dito. Matthew is ahead of us ng isang taon and he is graduating student kaya nakapagtataka na andami niyang oras sa mga bagay.
“ Puntahan mo nalang kaya?!” naiinip na sabi ni Stefan habang prenteng nakasandal sa pader na salamin sa labas ng coffee shop. Kanina padin kasi kami nakatayo kaya sigurado ako na naiinis na din siya sa tagal ng hinihintay namin.
“ Tara na nga!”
I almost run when he suddenly grabbed my hand and dragged me papunta sa loob ng campus. He talks to the guard when it tries to stop us at may ipinakita lang siyang I.d. dito hanggang sa tuloy tuloy na niya akong hinila papasok.
Pilit kong hinihila ang kamay ko dahil kinakabahan ako at hindi pa ako nakakapagdecide kung paano ko haharapin si Matthew but suddenly Stefan stopped in his tracks only to run outside the campus laughing and leaving me dumbfounded.
Nanlilisik ang mata ko siyang tinignan sa labas ng gate na nakangisi sa akin at isinesenyas na lumakad na ako paalis.
Sa huli ay may gana pa siyang kumaway bago diretsong tumalikod at naglakad papasok sa coffee shop where I saw him talking to some random girl.
Wala na akong nagawa kundi magpatuloy sa paglalakad at hanapin ang college building nila Matthew. He is a business major kaya madali lang malaman din dahil tanyag ang school nila sa business course and they have a distinct uniform.
Halos ilang minuto lang ay tumigil na ako sa paglalakad ng matanaw ang isang matayog na building sa harapan. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi mamangha dahil nakita ko ang tarpaulin niya sa labas kung saan siya ang nagsilbing modelo ng college nila for the uniform.
His smiles says it all about his personality. Gentle, kind and responsible, no wonder he caught my attention the first time I saw him.
“ Hi! Nakita mo ba siya?” natawa ang pinagtanungan kong lalaki dahil itinuro ko ang tarpaulin ni Matthew sa itaas hanggang sa nakangiti niyang itinuro ang bandang fountain sa gitna ng harapan ng building nila kung saan napapalibutan ng mga halaman at mga bleachers.
Nagpasalamat ako dito at tinahak ang lugar na kanyang itinuro hanggang sa namalayan ko nalang ang sarili kong inihinto ng kusa ang mga paa dahil sa nakita.
Just infront of the fountain ay kitang-kita ko si Matthew na tumatawa, he is laughing like there’s no tomorrow pero nagulat nalang ako ng sa isang iglap ay mabilis niyang hinatak ang babaeng kasama niyang tumatawa hanggang sa niyakap niya ito ng mahigpit.
He didn’t mind that there is many people staring at them but he hugged her like a fragile flower. Agad na kumulo ang dugo ko dahil sa nakita at namalayan ko nalang ang sarili kong mabilis na naglalakad patungo sa kanila. My face contorts when I saw how the woman smiled at him.
Sa sobrang inis ko ay saktong pagtingin ni Matthew sa direksyon ko at siya namang pagbato ko ng hawak kong bag.
People gasped because of my sudden action at hindi din sila nakailag dahil nabigla din sila sa akin. The woman even have the audacity to shout and cry even if hinarang ni Matthew ang likod niya para hindi siya matamaan ng bag.
Mas lalo akong naiinis dahil sa ginawa niya kaya’t mabilis akong naglakad palapit sa kanila at pinulot ang bag ko hanggang sa magkaharap na kaming dalawa and in just one swift move, my palm landed on his right cheek.
“ Putang’ina mo!” mura ko sa kanya dahil sa tindi ng nararamdaman. How can he play with me like this? Tears starts forming in my eyes dahil sa sobrang sakit ng iniisip ko dahil sa kanya.
Kung may girlfriend pala siya bakit ganoon nalang niya ako i-entertain?! How dare him make me fall for his actions?! How dare him make me feel like I am stupid for dreaming of him?!
“ Radia!” gulat niyang sigaw bago tumingin sa paligid at sa kasama niya.
The woman is still in shock because of the commotion at nakahakot na din kami ng mga nanonood mula sa college nila pero wala akong pake dahil sobrang nasasaktan ako.
“ How dare you?!” I shouted at the top of my lungs before storming out of the place not minding his shouts and the people’s curious reactions.
Sobrang bigat ng bawat hakbang ko at ng talukap ng mata ko dahil sa namumuong mga luha. My goal is to walk faster and find Stefan para makaalis na sa lugar na ito.
I didn’t even get bothered by Matthew’s shouts, I just keep on walking pero ng malapit na ako sa gate ng campus nila ay naramdaman ko nalang na may humila sa akin paliko sa isang lugar.
I tried to struggle out of his hands pero sobrang firm ng pagkakahawak niya hanggang sa namalayan ko nalang na nasa tapat na kami ng isang malaking puno kung saan kami lang ang taong nandoon.
I roughly wiped the tears out of my face before facing Matthew. Sobrang galit ng mga mata niya ngunit ng makita niya ang mga luhang pilit na kumakawala sa mga mata ko ay bigla itong lumamlam at naging mahinahon.
“ What did you do?” tanong niya sa isang mahinahon na boses habang pilit na pinupunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi ko ngunit mabilis kong tinabig ang kamay niya.
I watched how pained his reaction was bago ito tumingin sa gilid to calm himself.
“ What are you doing?” I asked without hesitation. Agad rumihestro ang pagtataka sa mukha niya na parang hindi niya alam kung ano ang sinasabi ko.
“ Pinaglalaruan mo lang ba ako?!”
Ilang minuto kong hinintay ang magiging sagot niya but he seems so stunned with my question na walang kahit anong salita ang namutawi sa bibig niya.
I laughed hysterically because of the pain and embarrassment.
“ That’s what I thought.”
I nodded to myself acknowledging his silence as an answer. Hindi ko na hinintay na magsalita siya, I just wiped my tears and nod to him as an answer.
“ Don’t worry, I understand.”
Finally, I said before turning my back and walking away.
“ Magkakasakit ata ako sa atay dahil sayo!” Stefan laughed when I pulled him outside of his car. We are once again in his prestigious bar to mend my broken heart. Pagkatapos ng commotion at ang paguusap namin ni Matthew kanina, bigla ko nalang kinuha ang susi kay Stefan before driving to this station. I didn’t mind that I am just here last night and drinking dahil ang tanging naiisip ko lang ay ang sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko sa puso ko. Just by remembering what happened earlier makes me want to bawl and cried myself out of this world at isa lang ang alam kong solusyon dito. I want alcohol and I needed alcohol to clear my mind. “ Oh, ma’am?! Mag-paparty ka nanaman?!” I didn’t acknowledge the friendly smile and comment of the waiter, I just keep on dragging Stefan to the bar counter where there is no one to be found since it is still early in the afternoon. “ Just watch me drink.” I told Stefan when I on
It’s been almost a week ever since I wake up in my bed with a pounding head and still visible memories of my stupid behavior. Akala ko ay nabubura ng alak ang kahit anong katangahan na ginagawa ng tao habang lasing ito pero bakit malinaw padin sa utak ko kung paano ko sinumbatan si Matthew. Matthew. My mind keeps on coming back on him every time that I am occupied with something. Para siyang droga na kahit alam kong masama sa akin ay masaya akong nagpapakalango. I cannot even help myself from crying when I remembered that he didn’t show even after those conversations parang wala lang, parang wala na. One week of waiting for his calls or messages and one week of waiting for him infront of our door to just appear even if he chose to question everything. Pang kahit ano nalang basta makita ko lang siya at malaman na tulad ko naguguluhan din siya at may pakielam but I just keep on disappointing myself because he didn’t do anything, bigla nalang siya
“ So..” I reluctantly said while looking above the sky. Sobrang taas ng sikat ng araw ngayon at nakakasilaw ang liwanag na dala nito ngunit dahil sa mayabong na dahon ng punong aming kinalalagyan ay hindi ito naging malaking hadlang sa amin. Once again we are the back of the orphanage. Naalala ko kung paano kami huling nagpunta dito, it was chaotic and scandalous. Nag-init ang pisngi ko dahil kahit kapwa na kami nakahiga sa isang kumot sa ilalim ng puno ay hindi padin binibitawan ni Matthew ang kamay ko. He seems happy.. very happy because it is obvious that he is hiding a smile while looking at the sky. I glanced at him when he whistled once and a bird lands on his chest. Natatawa niya akong pinagmasdan ng mapasigaw ako dahil sa sobrang gulat sa ibon but in the end he shoo the bird away. The dead silence and the peacefulness of the place is deafening. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko uumpisahang kausapin si Matthew, it feels like all of my inhibiti
“ Aray!” malakas kong sigaw ng maputol nanaman ang isang string ng gitara at matalsikan ako nito. Inis kong tinignan ang tumatawang si Matthew na ngayon ay halos gumulong na sa sahig dahil sa kapalpakan ko. He is teaching me to learn guitar pero kahit anong turo niya ay hindi ko talaga makuha. “ Buti nalang madami akong stock na nakatago,” litanya niya bago umakyat sa taas at pumasok sa kanyang kwarto. We’ve been hanging out to their house dahil kanina ay ipinakilala niya ako sa parents niya but unfortunately his parents needs to go somewhere kaya kami nalang ang naiwan dito ngayon. Itinabi ko muna ang gitara sa katabing sofa at sinundan siya sa taas. He told me earlier to not enter his room because he is scared that we will not control our self once more tulad ng nangyari noong nakaraan kung saan halos may mangyari na sa amin sa likod ng puno. “ Knock knock,” I playfully said kahit nakaawang naman ang pintuan. Nakasimangot siyang lumingon sa akin bago ipinag
Love.. I’ve never imagined that I will be so in love with someone someday that I will want them only for myself. I feel so clingy and sad when I saw Matthew’s message saying that he will be gone for a week because he needs to do some gift-giving in some secluded area in a province. I pouted and took a selfie before clicking the sent button to our conversation. Stefan who is bothering me again in my room laughed at what I did and shook his head in disappointment. “ I’ve never pegged you to be this lovesick fool,” natatawa niyang turan bago kunin ang gitara sa tabi ng kama ko at nagsimulang tumugtog. I laughed because of his remarks and watch him struggle doing the guitar. “ Wala ka lang girlfriend!” I teased him back earning a death glare from him. “ Ikaw…” “ Huh?” nagulat kong tugon dahil sa biglaang sagot niya and it feels like he didn’t know that he said it allowed kaya pinagtakpan niya ito ng isang malakas na halakhak. I’ve crea
“ I know that you’ve missed me but I need you to do me a favor,” “ Radia?” “ H-Huh?” I instantly looked at Matthew when he calls my name waking me from staring to his brother. Inimbita ako ng mommy niya na mag-breakfast sa kanila but he’s smirking brother is sending shivers in my nerves kaya hindi ako makapagfocus sa sinasabi ni Matthew. “ I’m s-sorry, ano ulit iyon love?” nahihiya kong tanong habang tinitignan ang parents niyang nakangiti sa amin. “ I think she’s tired of you, son!” his father remarks making his eyes widen out of surprise. Malungkot siyang tumingin sa akin but then we heard his father laughed teasing him. “ N-No, o-of course not po tito,” I defended myself habang iniiwas ang tingin sa kaliwang kabisera ng kanilang dining table. Matthew held my hand and kissed it infront of his parents making me blushed. “ W-What was your favor again?” nahihiya kong tanong dahil hanggang ngayon ay nakangiti padin ang pare
“ Are you alright?” tanong ni Matthew ng makita niyang nakatulala ako sa loob ng tent. I wasn’t really thinking of anything aside from what his ex-girlfriend said earlier. Pinipilit kong patatagin ang loob ko at ngumiti kay Matthew but then I saw the woman walking towards our direction smirking at me pero ng lumingon si Matthew ay agad iyong napalitan ng mala-anghel na ngiti. “ I didn’t know you’re here Matt!” she sound like a conservative angel malayong malayo sa paraan ng pananalita niya kanina. Matthew held my hand and she looked at it, hindi maitago ang pait na nararamdaman but a minute later she smile again like nothing happened. “ Yeah,” maikling sagot ni Matthew still looking at me and not minding her presence pero ng tinawag sila na pinakahead ng community service ay walang choice si Matthew kung hindi sumabay sa kanya. She seems to be having a hard time scoring a real conversation with Matthew pero hindi siya nagtatagumpay dahil hindi man lang siya tapunan n
One week have passed and then another long week and another week without Matthew. I’ve waited almost everyday but he didn’t call nor sent me any messages about our argument and just like that I’ve accepted our fate that maybe that was the last time that I will saw him and I will be happy with him. It’s like a borrowed time…a borrowed moment and I didn’t realized it until I am here crying and hurting because of him. “ You know what?! Fuck him! Don’t destroy yourself like this!” sigaw ni Stefan matapos akong panoorin na umiinom nanaman sa bar niya. It is our summer break pero lagi akong nakatambay dito at nagpapakalango sa alak buti nalang ay dito lang din nagtrabaho si Stefan kaya libre akong pumunta dito kahit tanghaling tapat. “ Do you believe in fate?” tipsy, I asked him and looked directly at his eyes. He looks tired and pained watching me like this pero anong magagawa niya if this is the only way I know to stop the pain that I am feeling. “ Maybe it’s not