LOT Part 1-2

Lack of Trust Part 1-2

Continued….

"Thank god you saved me. We're really tired. I think we should rest first then we'll introduce each other." Atul bro said side hugging that lady who patted his arm in return.

"You're right. you both must be tired." Anita Aunty said to me. We all come inside the house. She took me to a room and exclaimed showing me around "From today onwards this is your room. I myself have decorated it for you specially."

I looked at this woman with respect who was doing so much for me even though I had no relation with her. I thought that everyone in the world did something only for their own sake.  Not only Anita Aunty but her family was also very good. Even after knowing everything about me, they all accepted me with open arms. I had not talked to all of them but the happiness in their eyes after seeing me told me that they were all good people, otherwise no one was so happy to see a person jail who had spent her 7 years in jail.

"Till I send you something to eat, you take a shower. I've set up your closet for you. I've got you the clothes I like. I hope you like it. If you need anything, tell anyone in the house, they will bring it for you." Auntie said to me.

"Why are you doing so much for me???" I asked her. My eyes started getting blurred from my tears. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

“Because you are my daughter. I have not only called you a daughter but have also considered you a daughter with my whole heart." She said wiping my tears with her hand. I never thought that the prison that took away everything from me would give my mother back to me. I just wanted to hug her tightly and I did.

Putting my head in crook of her neck I broke out in historical sobs. I thought my tears would have dried in these seven years but no.

“Shhhh……... stop crying Khanak” she tried to console me but I had no control over my overwhelming emotions.

"Now you are making me emotional too. Stop crying... I don't want a single tear to come from your eyes. they are very precious to waste" she said sweetly breaking hug and cupped my face tenderly wiping tears away from my face with her thumbs while shaking her head lightly.

“Your tears are very precious to waste” Somebody had said this line before me and I had trusted him like a fool. I promised myself that I will never trust anyone but Anita Aunty was exception because she supported me when everyone left me alone.

He said this.

He was the person in every moment of my life whether it was the best moment or the worst moment, The most interesting thing was that he was also the reason for my good and my worst too. 

I could never forget what he had done to me. He showed me the terrible reality of world that I was unaware of. One day will surely come when he will know the truth. That day when he too will be alone like me. I will never forgive him. I only expected him to trust me but what he did. He broke me and left me.

"Are you thinking about him again???? Dear I will tell you one thing that life is not the name of stopping but the name of going on. it's hard to forget what happened to you. Like all the people, I will not tell you that forget everything and move forward in your life, but I will definitely say that remember the lesson that life has taught you and move forward in your life with it."  she told me what she learned from her life. She was strong women and I wanted to be like her.

I just simply nodded at her as my voice was not supporting me.

She filled a glass of water for me and gave it me which I took it and drank it to take control over my emotions.

“Now you okay” she asked me and I just nodded my head.

She held my hand and took me to a door. She opened that door. it was a walk-in closet. she got me a lot of clothes. The entire closet was filled with all kinds of clothes. Clothes, footwear, accessories and everything was here. 

All this was not new for me. I was the princess of my house, I used to get whatever I asked for. 

7 years ago, I was a fashion icon but in jail I wore nothing but a white sari.

Aunty Anita selected a yellow Anarkali suit for and said forwarding towards me "wear it, I don't want to hear anything. I am sending your breakfast to the room itself, after having breakfast you can take rest." 

I took that from her without protesting and went to take bathe. When I came back from the bathroom. I saw my breakfast tray on my sofa table.

I settled myself on sofa and looked at breakfast. Orange juice, aloo paratha, bread, jam and pastries were in breakfast. I had forgotten the taste of such food. For seven years I had eaten only that tasteless food which was cooked for all the prisoners in the jail which I had learned to eat by starving myself for days, when I used to be very picky in terms of food. If there was a little less or more salt in my food, then I did not even touch that food and used to put all the servants to work until they cooked something according to my taste.

Tears started forming in my eyes seeing this breakfast

I never thought that my life would be like this. Never thought that my family would throw me straight from the sky to the ground but it was not their fault in this. It was my fault that I trusted them all more than myself. 

Today I promised myself that I will never trust them all. They all left me in my hardest times and now I didn't need them anymore. I’ve learned to be alone. 

I ate my breakfast while tears constantly falling down from eyes, savouring its taste in my mouth after almost decade.

I went to bed to sleep after completing my breakfast.

unvoluntary my fingers reached to bed to feel its softness.

I caressed mattress lightly putting my palm on it.

So soft..... So comfy.... so tempting

There was a time when I used to sleep on soft and comfy mattresses but everything changed like soft and comfy mattress to hard floor.

First, I sat on it slowly and then laid down on it completely closing my eyes but I felt strange.

I tried a lot to sleep on the bed but I couldn't sleep. There were two reasons for this, first was that it was so soft and I had got used to sleeping on hard floor and the second was that his face came in front of my eyes as soon as I closed my eyes, who was the reason for my pain and suffering. There was a time when this same face was the reason for my smile.

well said, everything changed with time, humans and their feelings too. I got up from the floor and laid on the floor next to the bed and started thinking about everything.

I had come here at the behest of aunty but I couldn't be a burden on all of them and a guest looked good for a few days if he/she started staying more than necessary then he/she started stinging like a thorn.

“I have to go from here” thinking that I dozed off.

I wake up when someone shook me. I slowly opened my eyes and saw that Anita Aunty was sitting in front of me and looking at me in a strange way.

"It's dinner time. I'm here to invite you for dinner," she said with a smile but her eyes held some emotions which I couldn’t decipher.

I got up and stood in front of her and said "I think I should have my dinner in my room"

"I'm not listening to you. You go and freshen up then we'll go for dinner together” she said while pushing me towards the bathroom. I sighed in defeat.

I knew she won't listen to me that's why I didn't try.

I came back after sometime and we went to dining room.

Everyone was already waiting for us at the dining table. They all looked at us and smile at me.

"Have seat Khanak" An elderly man said to me with a smile.

I sat on the seat next to Auntie awkwardly and lowered my head while fidgeting my fingers in nervousness. I didn’t know what to do??? Should I talk or keep quiet?? I guess I should keep quiet. What shall I talk to them like this??? And what was I going to talk to them about anyway?

I had not come from any tour. I had come after spending seven years in jail

"Let me introduce you to our family" Anita Aunty said.

Our family

“I was not lucky enough to have my own family” I wanted to say this but kept quiet.

she put her hand on my head feeling my inner turmoil. I looked to see her who gave me assuring smile.

“I am with you” she murmured to me to which I just nodded my head lightly.

"Starting with the eldest of the house.  They are my elder brother and sister-in-law Angad Ahuja and Ragini Ahuja" she said, pointing towards the elderly couple who gave me warm smile.

"Hello Mr. Ahuja and Mrs. Ahuja" I said with nervously while rubbing my sweaty palms on my thighs under the table.

Mr. Ahuja smiled at me and said "dear, you can call both of us uncle and aunty."

"He is right..... Don't be formal. Now we are a family." Mrs. Ahuja supported her husband with a smile. it’s felt odd but still I nodded my head as I did not want to hurt them so I accepted their wish.

"Hello my name is Ritika. You can call me Ritu. Now another new member has come in my team." She chirped over enthusiastically before aunty could open her mouth to introduce her to me. her face was beaming with happiness as she introduced herself to me.

"She is my sister so she will be in my team" Ashish spatted at her walking inside the dining room.

He came to me and sat on the seat beside me turning towards me.

He put his hand on my head gently and exclaimed overexcitedly "Look my mom considers you as her daughter it means that technically I am your brother and I am older than you it means I am your elder brother." 

I never thought in my life that I had a family after their heart wrenching betrayal but when Anita Aunty's family called me as their family, I felt something very strange and felt pity for myself that I was so unlucky that despite having my own family, I had to find my family in other's family.

The irony of my life, the one who was my real family did not want to regard me as their family and the one with whom I had no relation was ready to accept me with open arms without any malice in their heart.

I looked into his eyes to find disgust, pity or anything that could tell me he's not genuine about it but I did not find anything except sincerity which I did not want to accept because now I did not have the courage to make someone a part of my life. I wanted to live my life alone so that I didn't unknowingly expect something from someone who gave me nothing but pain.

"You are right, she is my daughter, so by this way she is your sister and now you have to take care of her like a younger sister. Be aware, if you bother my daughter even a little bit.” Anita said to him to which he said to her “I promise I will always pamper her like my little sister.”

She smiled at his words while I felt numb for a second. I didn't have an older brother. When I used to see my friends with their elder brother, I also wanted that I too should have an elder brother who loved me, who fulfilled my every wish and pampered me like a child.

There was a time when I wanted everything but today, I didn't want anything. I didn't want any brother. I was fine being alone as I had survived 7 years alone as I will still be but I will not trap myself in beautiful illusions called family except Anita aunty. I didn't know about everyone but I had full faith in Anita Aunty or should I that I trusted only Anita Aunty which she had won in those seven years when everyone had left me on my own.

“So decided she is in my team” he declared looking at Ritika with smirk who scoffed at him and said “no, she will be in my team”

"No, she is my sister so she will be in my team." Ashish bro opposed shrugging his shoulder and she glared at him and said in anger "No she will be in my team" 

"Why Miss shopping queen???" He mocked her.

"Because she is girl so she will be in girls’ team." She snapped at him.

their bickering reminded me of mine and someone else's fights. We both like them. Whenever a new person came, we used to fight to get him/her on our side whereas after a while we both used to leave that person alone and made our team in which only, he and I used to be but now everything changed, neither I was that Khanak nor our relation. He also left me alone like everyone else, he was my best friend, didn’t he have a little faith in me that I can't do that.

"You two stop fighting. At least let there be peace at the dining table." Mr. Atul shouted in loud voice bringing out of my thoughts and they both became silent like good kids in a second but didn't stop glaring at each other. 

"Somebody tell these two that I am the one who is child in this house." A cute baby girl said pouting while shooting angry dagger at them who smiled at the sheepishly hearing her. She was looking adorable with cute angry frown on her forehead. She melted my heart by her cute antics. I felt sudden a wave of overwhelming emotion inside me that's enough to make me vulnerable.

If she was alive, she would be cute and adorable like her. Even one thought of Her was enough to bring tears to my eyes. She was very precious to me but I couldn't save her like I couldn't save myself. I lost her.

I didn't want to cry infront of anyone. this was my sorrow in which I did not allow anyone to participate. Before my tears dropped, I wiped them without getting noticed. 

"Auntie you are beautiful like me so you will not go to the team of these two. You and I will make a new team" she proposed me this with blinking her eyes cutely which made my happy for the first time in these seven years. I forgot to be happy but this little angel made me feel it again. I could not deny her or to be honest that I did not feel like denying her because she was living form which I had lost.

"Okay baby" I said to her and a wide grin formed on her face. She clapped her hands happily and looked at Ritika and Ashish and told them proudly “Now you stop fighting. Aunty is in my team and I am warning you both if you trouble my beautiful aunty, I will complain about both of you to Dadu (grandpa), then you will be scolded a lot because I am his favourite.”

Ritika and Ashish bro frowned while Everyone laughed at her antics. 

"Ok let me introduce you to other family member. You have already met Atul. She is Anjali Atul's wife and she is our little princess Trisha, their daughter" Anita aunty introduced Anjali and little angel to me. Anjali gave me warm smile while little cute angel gave me her toothy smile.

After dinner, I came back to the same room which was mine for today because tomorrow I will leave. I did not want to live my life with the help of anyone. I wanted to make myself strong. I wanted a purpose to live life, I gave 20 of my life to all those who took away everything from me and because of which I lost seven years of my life.

I will talk to Auntie in the morning itself to let me go. 

She loved me very much but I wanted to be alone. I was hollow inside. I didn't have anything to give to anyone and I didn't want to give these people my rudeness in return for their love and care.

At this time I was sitting on a chair in the balcony. There were many stars and moon in the sky. I loved watching the moon and stars back. Seeing them, it used to think back that I was the moon and the stars were all those people who loved me. Those people who will never leave me alone like the stars did not leave the moon but this was also another illusion of mine.

"I knew you must be awake" A sweet familiar voice came behind me. The voice that comforted me in my difficult times.

Anita aunty came and sat beside me and started watching the sky with me. I should talk to her that I couldn't stay here. Her family was very good but now I did not have the courage to trust anyone else. 

"Aunty I want to go from here. I came here only because of your wish but I can't stay here" I said but I didn't look at her as it's hard for me to say by looking in her eyes.

"I know that it is not easy for you to trust anyone. You want to live your life on your own. I am very happy that you have accepted my wish. I will not stop you but I want you to work with me in my NGO. This NGO was started by my father, he wanted to help those women who have committed crimes due to some compulsion. Those who do not have any work to live life after coming out of jail. Please help me like a daughter and work like an employee who earns a living" she said.

I looked at her who was looking at me with the hope. I didn't mind working with her because I also wanted to do something for those women too.  This was also a good purpose to live life. I had nothing but some women who had children and family and they needed income to take care of them, it will be a big help for them. 

"Ok Auntie, I will work with you but I can't stay here." I said with determination. she understood me and accepted my wish.

I had my savings which I had earned by working in jail which was enough for me to rent a nice accommodation for a few months and now I had a job which was sufficient for my expenses. We talked for some time and she left to sleep.

I tried to sleep on a soft mattress but maybe after 7 years of sleeping on the floor now I couldn't able to sleep on soft mattress so once again I laid down on the floor and fell asleep just like I used to sleep in jail.

Next day Anita Aunty told everyone my decision, at first everyone reluctant but after Anita Aunty's persuasion everyone agreed.

Atul bro arranged 1bhk flat for me in a nice building in just a day and I shifted there in same evening. Anita aunty lived with me 2-3 days and helped me set my house.

New beginning of my Life.

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