Chapter 1: Pain and addiction

It's happening again. Damn it. 

Pain started to attack me in the middle of my patrol. 

“Hey, Nov, are you okay? You’re pale. What’s wrong?” Devon asked, one of the warriors who was with me as a night shift guard. “Are you sick?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, just a little bit you know, I’m not really feeling well,” I replied. 

“Oh, you can go home. I’ll tell the Alpha you’re not feeling well.”

“No,” I immediately replied. I know Knox would be furious if he learned I dodged the guarding duty again. Like always.

“Don’t worry I’m not going to tell the Alpha,” Devon replied, winking at me. 

“Thank you. I really need to get rest,” I replied, secretly biting my tongue to prevent the escape of a painful scream. 

I immediately shifted into my wolf and ran towards the familiar place that I had known for two years. This place was the only witness of the pain I’ve been through how many painful screams I had and the tears that flowed from my eyes. 

As soon as I arrived at my cave, I entered and shifted into my human form and dropped down to my knees, and then into fetal position and held onto my stomach as tight as I could and let out a scream. 

I knew they doing it again, like every freaking single day. Knox knew I’d suffer but he didn’t care especially when he marked her.

My mate never cared. 

After a few minutes of agonizing pain, the painful cramps had finally subsided. I swipe my wet hair sticking on my face and let the sweat-slicked body from the fetal position I had been doing to ease the pain for the last hour. The pain would have gone as soon as it started if only I had it but I’m out of it. 

Damn it. 

Almost all my day and night for the past two years, even if I was near or somewhere, and sometimes multiple times a day, this pain would attack me. At first, it was unbearable, and I felt like I was going to die. There were times in the first few days that I had prayed to get spared even a single day. But my prayers always never heard. 

Not until I found that thing. 

Wolfnip. 

The drug helped me numb from the pain. Alphas prohibited this to use but if I don’t take it, the pain would not stop. Wolfsnip will weaken the wolf and then its human leading to their death. 

So I gambled, I’d die eventually. Rather than torture myself with the pain. 

The pain had become my own personal tormentor. Chained me making sure I’ll feel it every inch of my body. It was like a demon, laughing and enjoying my attempts to comfort myself. And whispering to me to give up. Tempting me to kill myself. Smirking at me in disgust, as I begged for it to stop.

“Where are you going?” my brother, the beta questioned me when he saw me wearing a hoodie and wore the hood on my head. 

“Going for a run,” I replied. 

“Going for a run? Why are you wearing such clothes for a run?”

“Ah, leave me alone,” I replied and slapped his hand that was supposed to touch my head to see my face. 

“November, I’m-”

“Stop it. Please don’t say anything. Tell Mom and dad, I’ll go for a run.”

I hate him too. She’s his best friend. My brother was the one who told Knox to choose her as his mate. 

“Are you going to take the substance again?” My wolf asked weakly.

Her glory was gone, her strength was now drained. The only one left was her shell, just like me. Empty. 

We used to be the number one warrior. I’ve trained by the king’s best warrior. I was my pack’s pride. But not anymore. The old me died two years ago. 

A slightly cool air washed over my face as I gazed down from the rooftops towards the dark alley, somewhere in the human settlement. 

Zeus was five minutes late... I could sense the other part of me growing restless and anxious. I just want to have it and leave. 

Being inthe  human settlement was dangerous. Hunters prowling at night. There was saying a ‘The owl watches its prey’. Even I know that. It was a risk coming over here. 

Suddenly a flicker of movement caught my eye and my head spun, spotting the slightest color change in the shadows. 

And there he was, as promised, save for being late... I watched as the man garbed in a dark black coat stalked into the open, he had a black hat that covered most of his features; leather pants protecting his legs from the mud and rain. It was not hard to make out who it was, but through the small drips and pitter-pattering of the rain, I spotted a curved silver dagger attached to his side. 

He was who I wanted. I crouched lower on the rooftops, taking a deep breath of the humid air, which stung my throat as I pressed my hands against the shingles, the cold seeping through to my skin. No more than a minute later a man looked at me and gave me a sign. 

“Here. The proof you needed. Hurry up and give it to me,” I told him, impatient.

“There’s no need to rush,” he said. “Pup.”

“I need it now,” I replied. 

He took out the tablets I needed and I snatched it from his hand. 

I had met someone, Zeus, I believe was his name, in a bar. He had come and sat down beside me, obviously noting how weird I was and in need of something that might help me he came to me and introduced Wolfnip to me. 

He instantly seemed shifty and I didn't trust him one bit, but his stuff was good. And to have more like it again, I had to do what he wanted since Wolfnip was too expensive. 

So, he offered me a deal. I’ll work for him in exchange for Wolfnip tablets. 

He looked at the bag and smiled as I took one tablet and drank together with the battle of water which I bought earlier.

Suddenly, Zeus took my hoodie and mask off and pinned them on the wall. 

“You look like shit. How many times have you taken the Wolfnip?”

“Get off!” I yelled. 

“You didn’t follow what I said!?”

“It’s none of your business. I did what you want!”

“This shit will kill you! Are you trying to kill yourself?” I heard him snarl. 

“What is it to you? You’re not the one dying anyway,” I replied. 

“Pup, did someone reject you?”