A Wedding

I had lain in bed all night, not a wink of sleep in my eyes as I stared at the wall in front of me. A mural of a train station. I hated it—just a reminder of things I couldn’t change. I sighed before leaving my bed. It was undone, but the moment I came out of the restroom, it would be made up as if two people had slept in it.

I couldn’t remember even sharing a bed with him.

I turned on the bathroom light before getting ready for the day. I slipped on a dress, smoothing back my hair, and returned to my room. As predicted, and like clockwork. Bed made, cup of tea at the side of my bed with my pills and a book for me to read. I moved to the tea, picking it up and drinking. I had started my morning reading when I heard a knock on my door.

I froze in place. A knock? That was out of place. More knocks came, as I stood from my seat.

“Come in,” I answered. The door opened, and to my surprise, it was our maid. Rosy. I tilted my head to her, “Good morning, what is it?” I asked her.

“Morning, Mrs. Ballard.” Her face looked grim. “Mr. Ballard has called the doctor for a home visit. The doctor is here.” I stared at her, knowing… confused- then I remembered. Yesterday, I fainted. Our driver told Triston. I pressed my lips tightly.

“I assume she’s waiting?” I sighed out, “Send her in.”

I never had a choice if I needed to see a doctor. Once someone told Triston I was even slightly out of place- he’d have one sent out to see me first thing. I wondered why. Wouldn’t it be better if I died? Make it more convenient for him to rid himself of me?

“Yes, ma’am.”

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The doctor pulled the arm cuff off,

“Blood pressure reading is good,” She nodded, “And have you been keeping up with your medication?” Of course, I had; it was placed with my morning tea every single day.

I replied, “Yes.” I looked at her, “I was just faint for a moment. Probably nothing right?” My doctor nodded in agreement.

“Yes, that could be it.” She opened her notepad. “Or we could be seeing your illness return.” Great. More terrible news. “But to prevent that, I’ll send more medication to your pharmacy and recommend more bed rest for you.” Bed rest? More rest than I already do? Any more rest and I’ll turn to stone. The doctor nodded, “I see that you have stopped refilling your birth control. Are we trying for a baby again?” No. I wasn’t trying for a child. We would never try for a child.

I lowered my head in shame, “I got an implant last year.” I told her, “Too busy for a baby.” I was not busy. Not at all. Triston told me three years ago, we would never have a child. He never wanted that from me now. Four years ago, though, that’s all we wanted. For us to have a bundle in our home, to feel like I had purpose again. If I weren’t so careless, I would have fulfilled that dream, but now. It’s all a memory.

“I can see. That’s why you're so faint.” She smiled at me. “Once we are ready, you can call me and I’ll have that implant out within the day.” I would never make that call.

“Am I all set?” I asked, and she smiled.

“Yes, you are. Just get some rest, your husband does want a word with me before I leave-” I placed my hands on my lap.

My chest hurt as I spoke up, “If he asks you anything…” I hated to do this, but if I didn’t, he would give me that look. The look I hated. “You can tell him.” She nodded, knowing that was our usual.

“Alrighty, get some rest.” With that, she packed her bag and left. I sat in my seat, the grip on my dress tightening.

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I was seated in the dining room, dinner served now with a side of pills. I picked at the green beans, hunger just seemed out of bounds now. I was quiet and alone. Maybe tonight I would leave the plate- after all, the doctor did come out. No, not an option. If I didn’t finish this, I’d probably be rushed to the hospital. I lifted it to my lips, taking a bite. I heard footsteps approaching, my brow moving up in question.

Triston entered the dining room, eyes still on his phone. He never stopped working, which I already knew. “Rosy!” He called out to our maid, “Set me a plate, please, I’ll be having dinner in here tonight.” I suddenly felt odd, restless in my seat as he sat at the other end of the door. He didn’t glance up at me at all. Rosy came in, placing his food down. “You can leave for the night, Rosy. I’ll clean this up.” He told her. She nodded to him before leaving us. He began eating, his chews being the only thing that echoed through the room. I didn’t want to speak with him. I didn’t want to eat with him. I didn’t want him near me.

“The doctor told me you are going to need to take new meds.” He spoke while staring at his phone. Looking over documents, probably. “You should take better care of yourself.” Why would I have to do that? I had everyone else doing it for me. I looked up, and his face was calm. It always was. Unreadable.

“How was your business trip?”

He replied. “Fine.” His eyes moved up, and for the first time in almost a year, I saw them. His dark blue eyes. They were sapphires that looked so cold. “I have the stylist coming in tomorrow. Pick out a few dresses you like. Nothing white. We’ll be needing them soon.”

My brow moved up in question, “Why-” He didn’t let me finish.

“Marcus is getting married.” My eyes moved up, Triston's little brother? To be married?

“Really?” My voice was filled with something I hadn't had in so long. Excitement.

“Yes.” He looked back at his phone, “They’ll be having a welcome home dinner tomorrow night. Do you think you can handle it?” A smile moved onto my lips,

“Yes-” I said way too loud, “Of course- when will he be coming-”

“I’ve rented them a villa. No need for him to come home and see what my life has become.” A sharp pain ran through my chest. What has his life become? “If you aren’t feeling ill. Make sure to act right.” I stared at him, grabbed my napkin, and cleaned my mouth.

“I will.” I stood up, “Excuse me-”

Triston stopped me, “Iris.” He called my name, “You will not ruin this for him.” I moved around him, staring at the back of his head.

“Of course I won’t, Triston.”