Impossible

I couldn’t sleep. Not a wink, my head was throbbing, my legs were shaking, and my mind was unable to rest. All that I could think of was Triston. 

My hand moved up to my lips, remembering his. Remembering every touch and caress. It almost returned to how it was before. When we were still in love. I had no doubt in my mind that it was impossible. We would never return to that, not now, not in a year, and probably not in another ten years. I had accepted it, but my heart didn’t seem to. It ached, and cried out wanting him back. Wanting him in bed with me, his smell in my nose, his hands touching me. 

I was scrolling on my phone, just checking the weather for the day. 

“Mrs. Ballard?” I turned my head to the door, “I’ve finished packing your bag. Should I make you your morning tea?” Rosy came into the room, a small smile on her face. I moved up my mug,

“Beat you to it.” She was astonished, “Thank you, though, please make sure Triston is awake… and have a cup of coffee ready for him?” She gave me a curt nod before leaving me. I took a deep breath,  “Today’s going to be interesting.”

---------------------------------------------------------

I was dressed, just a plain dress with some slippers. Why dress fancy when I’d be sitting on a plane for- I paused, thinking it over. I don’t even know where we are going. Could be an hour trip, could be more? I felt myself lost in thought when. 

“You’re wearing that?” I turned behind me, staring at the hallway to the west wing of the house. Triston was standing there, a hoodie and sweats. I tilted my head. A long flight, I’d assume. 

“I don’t know where we are headed.” I replied, “Worse yet if there are cameras.” He grumbled lightly. 

“Forgot that you are famous.” He sighed, “Hopefully two security guards are enough to keep ya’ safe.” He ruffled his freshly washed hair. He was terrible in the mornings. If this man didn’t have Rosy, then he’d probably have lost his dick. “Are we forgetting anything?” I pressed my lips together,

“You had Rosy pack all the clothes I picked out?” He nodded, “Did you make sure the private jet is supposed to pick us up?” Again, another nod. This man handled most everything in our lives. “We should be good then-” His eyes grew wide in alarm, 

“Your meds.” I pressed my eyes closed, 

“I packed that already.” I sighed, pointing to my luggage. “Are you ready to go?”

-------------------------------------

We were just set down, a glass of champagne handed to Triston and a glass of orange juice to me. He was seated in front of me, already scrolling on his phone. Lord knows hes probably checking his work email, or stocks… That’s all this man was right? Just a business man with a soul that was probably just cigarettes and nightly stock reports. 

“Iris?” My head moved up from my book, “I’m going to pass out soon,” I knew why, 

“That’s fine,” I replied, “How long until we get to-”

“We’re going to the Maldives. We’ll be landing in Sri-” A yawn rang out, “Lanka and then directly to some private island.” I felt my chest rise, “Wake me up when we get…” He trailed off his head lulling as he slumped further in his seat. 

“And I’m alone again.” I stared at him. How long had it been since I had seen him sleep? Years perhaps. He looked so peaceful, not at all the usual scowl he held for me. Well… He held that look for everything else in life. I lifted my book, scanning over the words. Now I knew where we were headed, I kicked off my slippers, crossing my legs. It was so nice to be out of the house. Well… being home insured that I wouldn’t upset Triston. If I were out, I could cheat. If I worked, I could cheat. If I were happy, I would cheat. If I- my eyes pressed closed. Too much was brewing in my mind. May have been the hangover- or maybe just the thought of him. 

Triston’s head was on his shoulder, his lips pressed into a small smile. I wondered what he dreamed of as I look on. He slept peacefully. He seems to hold no regrets, unlike me. I’d ask him if I weren’t so fucking petrified at what may occur, at what he may say. At what he might not say. 

Last night was a big wake-up call. If I ever held a shred of hope that we could… fix what was done. I knew now that was impossible.