Weight of survival

Selina stared at the screen of her phone as it continued to vibrate in her hand, For a moment she didn’t move, Her heart was still pounding from the argument with Darius. His words echoed in her mind, stubborn and relentless.

“You didn’t make this child yourself, so you’re not going to carry it alone.”

The phone vibrated again, She blinked and finally looked down at the caller ID.

“Landlord”, Her stomach dropped instantly, “Oh no…” she whispered under her breath.

The last few weeks had been chaotic, and she had entirely forgotten. Her thoughts had been distracted by everything but her rent expenses, including getting used to her new job at King International, avoiding Juliana's harsh tongue, getting up early every morning, and returning home fatigued every night.

The phone kept ringing, so Selina quickly answered.

“Hello?”

“Selina!” the landlord’s voice burst through the phone, irritated and impatient. “I have been calling since yesterday. Your rent is overdue.”Her chest tightened.

“I’m… I’m really sorry, sir,” she said quickly. “I didn’t realize the date had passed already.”

“You didn’t realize?” he snapped. “Rent isn’t something people just forget.” Selina rubbed her forehead tiredly.

He was right. But lately life had felt like a storm she couldn’t escape, “I understand,” she said quietly. “I’ll make the payment right now.”

“You better,” the landlord said. “I can’t keep chasing tenants for money.” The call ended.

Selina lowered the phone slowly and exhaled, For a few seconds, she just sat there, staring at nothing, Then she opened her banking app. Her fingers hesitated above the screen.

Her paycheck will be paid next week, so paying the rent will leave her with virtually nothing for the remainder of the month. Everything would decrease, including groceries, transportation, and emergency funds.

But she didn’t have a choice. She entered the landlord’s account number carefully, double-checking each digit before pressing transfer, the screen loaded for a moment before the message appeared.

Transaction Successful.

Selina slowly lowered herself into the chair behind her desk, her mind still heavy from the phone call with the landlord.

She sat there for a while, staring at the faint glow of her computer screen but her thoughts weren’t on work. They drifted back to the argument with Darius.

His voice echoed in her memory.“You didn’t make this child yourself. You’re not going to carry it alone.”She swallowed.

The determination in his voice had unsettled her more than the argument itself. Why did he sound so serious? Why did he sound like he actually meant it? Selina leaned back slightly, her fingers resting on the edge of the desk.

Suddenly, she recalled. Things had been different then. She was younger, more optimistic, and more open to the idea of love. She had been both frightened and yet delighted when she first found out she was expecting her first child “Stormy”. She recalled the morning sickness that would not go away, the lightheadedness, and the weariness that made even basic activities seem unachievable.

Collins had noticed at first. Once, while she sat silently on the side of the bed, he inquired, "Are you okay?" She had answered with a slight smile, "I'm fine." "Just worn out." However, as the weeks went by, things gradually started to shift. Collins grew aloof, remained out late, stopped inquiring about her and the baby's well-being, and stopped observing when she appeared tired or pale. Selina had convinced herself that it was insignificant at the moment. He was just stressed, Work was probably overwhelming him, Everyone had difficult periods. She had convinced herself of that over and over again.

Because believing anything else would have meant accepting a painful truth she wasn’t ready for, she remembered the night she finally told him about the pregnancy. Her hands had trembled as she held the test.

“Collins… I’m pregnant.”

He had simply stared at her for a short while, his expression opaque and silent. Then he had chuckled uneasily.

“Are you serious?” She had nodded slowly, waiting for excitement… or surprise… or something.  Instead, “you know things are hard for us right now.” Collins said, “This is unexpected,” he had said.

At the time, Selina had ignored the disappointment in his voice. She had convinced herself he was just shocked, Anyone would be shocked.

But the days that followed told a different story, Collins became colder, Sometimes he didn’t come home at all. And when Selina complained about feeling sick or tired, he would sigh like she was being dramatic.

“You worry too much,” he would say dismissively. Back then, she had believed him. She had believed he loved her. So she ignored the red flags. Ignored the discomfort in her chest whenever he brushed off her concerns and ignored the growing distance between them.

She returned to the present with a gradual blink. Now, sitting in her office chair, the memory felt brutally clear, Collins had been there, but he had never really been present.

Yet Darius…., Darius had only learned about the pregnancy yesterday and already he was demanding accountability as if it was something non-negotiable.

Selina looked down at her hands, The comparison made her chest tighten because part of her didn’t know whether to feel grateful or afraid to trust it.