Beyond the Hurt

The journey back home to retrieve my belongings was excruciatingly painful. I was apprehensive about seeing him after the recent events, and I certainly didn’t want him harming Ayana. Don’t get me wrong, she was more than capable of defending herself, but he’s still a man at the end of the day.

She kept one hand on my knee to ground me while driving. I could sense that she perceived something in me that resisted this altogether.

As soon as she parked, I felt my heart pounding against my chest. It started to hurt, causing me to hyperventilate.

“Oh shit, you’re really traumatized. I’m so sorry for bringing you back.”

I looked at her, gasping for air and clutching my chest. She tried to reach out to my hand, but it was stuck like the rest of my body. I couldn’t move, which meant I couldn’t get the water I desperately needed.

Ayana must have read my mind because she went inside and burst back out the door with a bottle of water. She rushed over and handed me the bottle.

She rubbed my leg as I drank it. My breath steadied enough for me to speak.

“Hey, if you want, I’ll go get your stuff and you can stay here.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

She went inside and returned after about thirty minutes.

Anger flashed across her face. She practically burned rubber as she pulled out of the driveway.

“Such an asshole,” she murmured.

Despite my reluctance to ask, fearing that it might upset her further, I did.

“What happened?”

She pulled the car over and let out a deep, deliberate sigh before turning to me.

“Look, Mira, you really need to figure this out. I love you, and I truly do. But this is becoming too much. If you’re going to be with Eric, be there. If you’re going to be with that sorry motherfucker, that’s your business. But you can’t keep doing whatever the hell this is.”

As always, she was right. I couldn’t deny that. I did need to figure it out. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I didn’t know where I stood with Eric, and I thought fucking him was a way to make things even between me and Chris after a while.

I never intended to develop feelings for Eric or consider anything serious. After Ayana’s words lingered in my mind, I knew I had to make a decision. I couldn’t continue to sit idly while people were getting hurt.

“You’re right,” I said softly.

She reached over and hugged me.

“I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I need you to understand that this can’t continue. I wouldn’t be a good friend if I let you ruin everyone’s life involved.”

“I never intended for things to escalate this far.”

“No one ever does, that’s why you have to be more cautious. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say that in the end, you have to choose yourself.”

This is why I trusted Ayana with everything in me. She can be incredibly profound and loving when she wants to be. She may be many things, but a liar isn’t one. And I respect her for that.

“Are you mad at me?”

“More so disappointed. I have a lot on my plate right now and I’m feeling stressed.”

“Want to eat ice cream and binge-watch terrible TV?”

“Girl, yes!”

We smiled at each other and continued our ride.

When we returned to her house, we got the ice cream and sat on the couch, binge-watching shows we liked all day. Over the weekend, I continued to monitor my bruises and marks. They were getting worse.

My face looked more agitated than before. The marks around my neck and arms had darkened. My back still ached from trying to heal, but every time I bathed, the water only made it worse, slowing down the healing process.

Sunday came, and I decided I needed to take Monday and Tuesday off just to see if the bruising would fade enough that I could try to use makeup around my neck and maybe wear long sleeves for my arms. As for my face… no excuse I could come up with made sense, so I’m hoping it too would improve.

All I can say is thank goodness for the family emergency excuse.

Otherwise, I don’t know how I’d be able to miss work.