Love and Lament

I didn’t understand why but I felt a hollowness within the confines of my heart.

The feeling had been persistent for the past one month ever since I heard the news but I had assumed that it would go away with time. But contrary to my belief, it only intensified. I realised only later that it was a feeling of longing that first started within my chest, to the point where I thought I might puke my stomach’s contents before it averted it’s focus to my eyes.

I was again at a loss of words to explain why I was at the verge of tears. I surely had to be stupid. I wasn’t lost, Mom wasn’t mad at me nor did I fail my math exam again. Surely everything was fine. Then where were the tears coming from?

Could it be Dad? But I haven’t thought of him for at least a month, ever since I got to know about that news.

Right.

There it was.

The news. That was why I was crying. I was so caught up in it that I didn’t even realise how much it was bothering me! Of course, the news wasn’t that bad! In fact, Mom thought it was a great news, since it essentially meant that Linda was promoted to a higher rank in her office. That was a rather amazing news, right? I should be celebrating. But why am I not as content?

Sighing, I pressed into my mother’s skirt so I could shield my distraught face. I didn’t want anybody to know that I wanted to cry. Crying is for the weak. Crying makes you look funny. I wasn’t funny, at least not that way. I didn’t enjoy attention as much as others did, and I had enough people laughing at me at school when I cried. I didn’t need more of it at home. Especially when Brett was around.

Right, Brett.

My eyes involuntarily searched for him among the crowd. He was sitting by the bench in their garden area with a fallen face. He was definitely sulking and I wondered if it had anything to do with the same reason as I was upset with. Since we claimed to be best friends, that would be a fair guess. There was also another fact to consider that I knew Brett better than anybody. And it went the other way too. We had admitted that to each other several times.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Mom and Mom loves me too. Ever since dad left us, she was my biggest support. With nobody else in the family to spare her devotion, she directed all her love to me and I thoroughly relished it. Despite that, there were things that Mom never understood about me. Like the fact that I always saw the letters dance on the board and Mom just thought I was being silly.

Brett didn’t think so. He didn’t think I was being an idiot for giving such lame excuses for scoring so less in my tests. He didn’t even think I was making excuses like others did nor bullied me for being an idiot. He was the only person who helped me.

He was my best friend and I knew that he was always going to have my back.

“Hey,” I said and I climbed onto the bench beside him. Brett was taller than I was, so his legs weren’t dangling on the edges like mine did.

In order to get a closer look of his face, I crouched down and examined his face, “Are you sad?”

He refused to reply. Sighing, I nudged his legs with mine, “Hey!”

“Don’t act stupid, you know I’m sad.” He said, looking up at me with an angry look. “I don’t want to leave.”

A grave pout took to my face. Suddenly, I felt my tears resurface to my eyes. Anticipating the consequence was one thing and coming face to face with the cause was something entirely different. Right now, I was doing exactly that, looking at the cause of my grief for the past one month.

My best friend was leaving.

He was leaving this town and going to a place so far away that there was no way Mom could drive without falling asleep on the way.

“I don’t want to go to San Francisco,” He grumbled. “I don’t care if it’s a better place. It’s sunny and hot and I won’t make any friends! I will get sun burned all the time!”

“No, dummy, you won’t. You can wear sunscreen.” I spoke.

“That’s not the point.” He said and looked at me with a disappointed look. “Are you not sad that I’m leaving?”

With an offended look, I frowned at him, “I am! Can’t you see? I might start crying any second now.”

Upon hearing that, a teasing grin broke on his which beckoned mine. “You’re such a baby.”

“I hate you,” I narrowed my eyes at him and looked away.

Laughing, he shook against me and the sound of it caused me to smile too. It had been so long since he last laughed like that and I just realised that I rather missed it. Ever since we learnt about the news of Brett’s family leaving Boston, all of us had been incredibly sad about it.

I wasn’t sure how intensely everyone else felt but Brett and I were surely the worst affected ones. We were best friends, after all. You don’t find them often. And when you fortunately do, you keep them! You don’t let them fly across the country.

If only I had the power to prevent it from happening! If only Linda wasn’t required to move to a different city to claim her promotion!

“Will you call me while I’m away?” He asked me.

Looking over his side, I nodded, “Every week.”

“Let’s decide a day.” He proposed, “Every Saturday?”

“Fine.” I smiled but it didn’t remain on my face for long. He seemed to notice it and rolled his eyes.

“Now what?”

With a pout, I asked, “How are we going to do math together? Surely we can’t do it on call.”

“Why not? We can do it. I can do it. Can’t you?”

“I am not sure.”

“I’ll show you how to.” He said, “Don’t worry too much, Chloe.”

“Who’s going to help me when Parker’s bulling me?” I asked.

“Well, I’m going to teach you how you should stand up for yourself.” He said. “It’s time to take matters into your own hands now. Since I won’t be around, you should be able to take care of yourself, Chloe.”

“I know.” I sighed, “But I don’t want to. I want you here.”

“Me too.” He said and looked straight ahead, distantly watching our mothers talking to each other with a clueless Anne, Brett’s sister within Linda’s arms.

After a minute or so, once they were done, Linda looked over to us and waved. “Come on kids! We’re getting late.”

With hesitance, I looked over at Brett who refused to meet my eyes. With his head hung low, he got off the bench and walked toward his mother, without bothering to wait for me. Reluctantly, I followed him. Once I reached them, I held up the cover I was holding out to Linda.

“What have you got for us, honey?” Linda asked with a smile.

“Hello, Linda,” I said. “These are a few of my favourite books and some cookies. My mom used to read these out every day so I could sleep. Little Anne always gets bored and cries at night. You can read them out for her. They are very interesting stories.”

“Oh, honey,” Linda said. “That’s so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much, baby.”

I smiled looking at the baby in her arms. Honestly, I’m giving them because Brett loved those books but always declined to borrow them. I have had thoughts on giving him these but he would never accept. So, if I gave them to Linda, at least then he would borrow from her. And the cookies! His favourite ones! I am sure he’d love having them during his flight journey.

But he did say something about the airport security and the rules. I hope they allowed Brett to keep the cookies.

A sad smile spread across my face and I whispered to him, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” He said, looking everywhere but at my eyes.

I nodded happily and hugged him. Though he’s just 10 years old, he is quite taller than me. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around.

“Linda,” I called for his mom. “When are you coming back here?”

“I’m scared I can’t promise, honey. But we’ll definitely try to visit you as often as we can.”

I believe that it was the first lie I ever heard come out of Linda’s mouth.

***

Seven years later

“When did you sleep last night?” My mom asked me, with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Around 11?” I lied. My mother was always mad at me for staying up till late and studying. Somehow, I weirdly got myself a rare mother who didn’t want her daughter studying hard.

She raised her brows in question and eyed me suspiciously, “Really? But I’ve seen the lights in your room on at 2 in the night?”

I ducked my head slowly and the redness crept to my cheeks.

“It’s either that you’re lying now or you’ve slept with your lights on.” She said, shifting her weight from one foot to another, “But as far as I can remember, you never catch sleep with lights on.”

“Mom, I really had to study. I was lagging behind in my subjects.” I reasoned.

“So you lied, didn’t you?” She said.

I nodded. “Sorry, mom.”

“I’m forgiving you now but don’t repeat that. I told you I don’t care if you get bad grades because I know my daughter is intelligent. Your grades don’t define you.”

“Yes,” I said. “I won’t stress myself, mom.”

“Good.” She said and walked back inside.

I groaned and fell back on the couch and closed my eyes. It was only when Mom called for breakfast that I opened them again.My oatmeal was waiting for me by the time I went to the table. I settled down on the chair and looked around to find a bowl of berries kept alongside my oatmeal and my morning green tea, with a slice of lemon it.

By the time I finished eating it, my mom completed her Greek yoghurt with strawberries and went inside the kitchen to fetch something. When she came back, she held a box of cupcakes and handed them to me. I rose my brows in question.

“Give these to our neighbours.” She said.

I frowned. “Mom, Mrs.Everday is on a vacation.”

She shook her head. “No, silly. I meant, give this to Linda.”

Linda?

“Linda? Who’s Linda?” I asked.

“You didn’t meet them yet?” She widened her eyes. “Linda was our neighbour when you were a kid. You don’t remember her?”

“I do mom, but..” I widened my eyes in realisation. “Linda.. they.. They moved next door?”

“Yes.” She said, grinning. “Now go hurry up!”

If Linda was here, then that means Brett was here too.

Brett.

He was finally here.

“Mom, I’ll be back!” I said, rushing to the door.

I couldn't believe that Brett was finally here. Goosebumps erupted on my skin as I thought of him. After seven years, he decided to show up. I couldn't even sustain my excitement.

But soon, realization hit me hard. Today morning, when I was changing, I saw something flick at the window. So maybe.. maybe, it was Brett?

Oh no, yes. Brett’s room was opposite to mine, and I was just in my towel! Ugh, this can’t be more embarrassing. After seven years, he had to see me in nothing but my towel. Shit.

I grimaced thinking of it and made my way to my neighbour’s house. When I reached their front door, I calmed down and eased my breathing. My palms began to sweat as I gently knocked on the door with my knuckles.

The door slowly opened, and I could see no one. Frowning, as I brought my sight down, as I found a little girl in a pink dress, looking up from her glasses.

I smiled and looked at her.

“Who are you?” She asked, hiding behind the door.

I smiled and opened my mouth to answer her but I heard a loud yell.

“Anne, I told you not to open the door when I’m away.” Linda’s voice came booming into the room.

She came to us and looked at me.

“Yes?” She asked me.

“Hi, Linda. I.. uh... mom asked me to give these to you.” I stammered.

She frowned at my cupcakes and widened eyes and looked at me.

“Oh, Chloe. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.” She said, pulling me into a hug. The little girl grabbed the cupcakes from my hand and ran inside.

“You’re so grown up, I mean.. just look at you.” She said, holding me by my shoulders.

“Nice to see you after a long time, Linda,” I said.

“Nice to see you too.” She said, with a happy smile. “Get inside. I’ll call Brett. You remember him, don’t you?”

He was all I remembered.

“Yes,” I said, stepping inside their home. Nothing changed about their house. It still looked huge with the exotic painting hung over the walls. The wall looked dirty since they haven’t painted it for a long time. The boxes were left packed and few things were lying on the floor.

“Brett.” His mom said, looking behind me. “Come here.”

I suddenly grew nervous. So he was behind me. His footsteps came closer and closer and I was clutching my short in my hands. It’s okay. Calm down.

“Brett, you remember Chloe don’t you?” She said. “She was your friend when you were kids.”

I hesitantly looked back at him. His looked fresh and young. His dark hair and his deep green eyes. Nothing about his face changed, except that he grew more handsome. I slowly smiled at him but he looked at me blankly.

“Nice to meet you, but I’m sorry I don’t remember you.” He said.

And then, it felt like something broke. My smile fell and I looked at him with an astonished face. He didn't remember me?

“Oh, it’s been almost 7 years.” Linda tried to comfort me. “You were kids back then.”

I nodded. “Yes. It’s been a long time.”

He looked at me and then back at his mom. “Mom, I’m going out.”

“Wait.” She said. “Chloe brought you some cupcakes and cookies. Why don’t you have them? You’ve always loved her mom’s cookies when you were younger.”

“I liked them when I was younger, mom.” He said, walking to the door. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

Yes. He was. He wasn’t just a boy now. He was grown up.

While he managed to forget me and grow up to be a completely different guy, I still left my heart with him, that I forgot to take back 7 years ago. I wonder if I’ll ever get it back.