Chapter Eleven

His words were more effective than a bucket of ice water.

She released her hold on him, leaned back, and watched him take two shaky steps backward, both of them panting for breath.

“Maybe you’re right. The last thing I need is to rush into anything right now,” she conceded after a long silence.

He nodded, and she could see what it cost him to agree with her.

“Not that I’m not insanely attracted to you, Karli. That’s not it at all, trust me. I have wanted to be with you for a long, long time. But I also don’t want to see you get hurt anymore.”

“Would you hurt me?” she asked, her eyes locked with his.

“Never, if I could help it,” came the earnest response. “But if we are ever together, I need to know it’s because you want to be with me. Not because of loneliness, or physical attraction… or grief.”

She nodded silently, weighing her disappointment against the wisdom of what he was saying.

Then she hopped down out of the truck, whispered, “Thanks for dinner,” and hurried past him toward Sarah’s apartment, her cheeks crimson, her eyes welling up.

***

Jordan stood silently and watched her go, fighting the urge to run after her and scoop her up in his arms.

This is the right thing to do. It’s the right thing. Even though it feels like hell.

He sat in his truck for a few minutes to try and clear his head before he drove away.

***

“You all right?” Sarah asked. “What happened?”

“We kissed,” Karli revealed. “And it felt so right, and then Jordan stopped. Said I need more time, and to make sure this is what I want.”

Sarah tilted her head, thinking.

“He’s not wrong, you know,” she told Karli. “You do need to make sure what your motivations are. After all, you have more than just you to consider now. You have a child on the way.”

“I know,” Karli sighed. “But I never expected to feel this way about Jordan, especially not so soon after losing Evan. Part of me feels really guilty about tonight, Sarah, but part of me doesn’t at all.”

“Take your time to sort it out,” Sarah suggested. “I saw the way he looked at you tonight. Trust me, Jordan Baker is not going anywhere. I’m kinda jealous of you about that part, by the way,” she finished to keep up her charade, and was relieved to see Karli chuckle. “I’m not even joking – that man is fine.”

“He is,” Karli agreed. “And he’s also a great guy. I don’t want to hurt either one of us, so, it sounds like I have some thinking to do.”

***

“Dude. You okay? You look like someone punched you in the gut,” Tim observed as he and Jordan prepared for their Sunday shift.

“I’m fine. Let’s go,” Jordan groused, and Tim’s eyebrows raised.

“Jordan, listen, if you need-”

Jordan cut him off.

“I said I’m fine,” he spat out. “Drop it.”

“Hey,” Tim snarled back, “don’t be an ass to me. I’m trying to be a friend here.”

“Sorry, man,” Jordan’s shoulders slumped as he ran his hands over his face. “Sorry.”

“It’s that girl, isn’t it? The one we helped move?”

“Yeah,” Jordan admitted. “Yeah. Karli.”

“What’s going on?”

Jordan looked at his rig partner for a long time, then began, “It all started seven years ago.”

Tim listened as Jordan told him everything.

“So, when she kept pushing for answers the other night, I couldn’t hold back anymore, and I kissed her.”

Tim whistled.

“What now?”

Jordan paused.

“I told her I think she needs more time to be sure of what she wants,” he finally said. “I didn’t like telling her that, at all. I’m ready for us to be together right now. But it’s not about me. It’s about what’s best for her.”

“I get that,” Tim reassured him. “And for what it’s worth, I agree. She’s going through a lot as it is – and that’s just the stuff she knows about.”

“Yeah,” Jordan sighed. “And I hope she never finds out about what Evan did. Sincerely. It would crush her.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Give her space,” Jordan said, feeling like someone had stabbed him in the chest. “That’s what.”

“Nothing says you have to like it, bro. Even if it is the right thing to do,” Tim commiserated as he patted Jordan’s shoulder. “Come on, buddy. Let’s get to work.”

***

By midday Monday, Kathy called Karli with news.

“It’s rented, dear,” she told her. “I had fifteen people call me about it just within the first two hours it was listed. All in all, we had over forty applications come through the website. We’re wading through them now, and I should be able to place a tenant for you before the week is out.”

Karli sighed in relief, leaning against Sarah’s kitchen counter.

“That’s wonderful news,” she answered. “Thank you so much, Kathy, for everything.”

“Not a problem at all. You need anything else, I’m as close as the phone, all right?”

Karli disconnected the call and instinctively began to dial Jordan’s number to share the happy news.

But she faltered, then stopped, frowning.

I really want to share this with him, but I don’t know if I should. Things got awkward Friday night and I have not heard from him since.

Maybe I should text him? What should I do? Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me…maybe he is regretting Friday night…

The thought of Jordan stepping back out of her life again ripped at her chest, and she clutched it in surprise as unshed tears threatened to breach.

***

Four weeks later, Karli was surprised to see that the first three blog entries of her ‘mom-to-be’ series had resulted in her number of followers increasing tenfold.

Imagine that, she mused, as she scrolled through page after page of likes and positive comments. One entry, dated from just two days before, caught her attention and stole her breath. A simple thumbs-up icon, and the username… JB-EMT.

I miss him, she thought with sorrow. I really miss him.

Then she felt it. A tiny flutter, like gossamer wings floating into mist in her lower abdomen.

It moved, she realized, eyes widening as she caressed the belly that had started to reflect her condition. My baby just moved.

And she choked up as she remembered that the one person in the whole world that she most wanted to share it with had broken off contact.