Chapter Four

Eight days later…

Karli had somehow managed to navigate Evan’s funeral service and burial, although she still wasn’t quite sure how. A lot of that time was still blurry in her memory, a blessed numbing of senses mixed with adrenaline that she felt certain had carried her through that fateful Tuesday afternoon.

She was grateful for it. Some things, she did not want to remember clearly.

Almost as a temporary cease-fire, her stomach issues had dissipated for a few days, then returned with a vengeance around midnight on Tuesday. By Wednesday morning, she had had enough, and at three p.m. she was sitting in her family doctor’s lobby waiting for her name to be called.

The nurse collected her and walked her over to the scales, then handed her a specimen cup. Once Karli had completed giving a urine sample, she followed the nurse to an exam room.

The woman took her vitals, made note of Karli’s symptoms, then said, “Dr. Hollard will be right in.”

Another twenty minutes passed, and the doctor knocked lightly on the door before entering the room.

“Hey, Karli,” he said, and his pleasant voice calmed her, as always.

“Hi, Doc,” she said. “I think I have the flu, or a stomach bug. I feel lousy.”

“Well,” he said, “You’re in the right place to find out.”

He asked a few questions, then performed the swab needed to check for flu.

“Be right back,” he told her, and stepped out.

When he returned, it was the second time in as many weeks that her world was completely turned upside down.

“You’re joking, right?” Karli was stunned. “You’re joking with me, and I actually have the flu…”.

“No, young lady,” Dr. Hollard chuckled. “It’s not the flu. You are most definitely pregnant, according to the pregnancy test Loretta just did. We need to do a full exam to confirm.”

“I can’t believe it,” she muttered.

Maybe the test was wrong. It happens sometimes. I’ve heard of false positives. Yeah, that must be what this is. I’ll get some home pregnancy tests, and they will be negative, and I can move on from this…

Karli’s mind raced as she absorbed the news. She chewed her bottom lip as she tried and failed to navigate her new reality with a clear head. For once, she wasn’t embarrassed during a gynecological exam.

Nope. I am way, way too stunned right now to be embarrassed.

“You all right?” Dr. Hollard asked once the exam was over.

“Um… well…,” Karli stammered, unsure what to say much less how to say it.

“Let me guess. This is unexpected,” he suggested.

She nodded vigorously.

“So, you’re not sure how to break the news to your husband,” Hollard continued.

“He died last Friday,” Karli revealed, and burst into tears.

The doctor patted her shoulder awkwardly, and she could tell he was not sure how to proceed, either.

“Karli…I’m so sorry…” he cleared his throat and was silent for several seconds.

“I want you to start taking prenatal vitamins,” he finally continued, moving safely out of ‘counselor’ and back over into ‘doctor’ territory. “And we’ll schedule your first sonogram for two weeks from today. I am betting you’re around five, six weeks. But the sonogram will help confirm how far along you are. All right?”

A silent nod from Karli, and he nodded back.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Karli,” he told her in his grandfatherly voice as he patted her shoulder again. “You’ll see.”

Once he left the examination room, she took off the paper gown and got dressed, her mind still a blur.

We’re having a baby. We’re having a baby… I… I’m having a baby….

Doc Hollard said five or six weeks… she counted backward in her head as she drove back toward her home. Yep, that’s the last time we made love…

Karli stopped at the pharmacy and purchased a pregnancy test, then went home and followed the directions. Sure enough, a huge dark plus sign appeared in the results window even before the recommended wait time of five minutes had passed.

Wow. Somehow, seeing that makes it even more real, she realized, and immediately felt butterflies in her stomach.

She stashed the little stick for safekeeping.

Karli moved to the dining room table and fired up her laptop.

Well, she thought as she opened her blog page, I will have some new topics to talk about, I guess. She had been a fashion merchandising major in college, then found her calling with her blogging site. But lately, she had wanted to try branching out and talking about other things.

A blog for moms-to-be, she realized. From beginning to end, all the way through, and it can include fashion along with everything else. After all, I’m about to experience it all firsthand.

She traced her hand over her still-flat belly.

By myself…

I don’t know if I can do this…

She suddenly felt claustrophobic, so Karli changed into comfortable clothes and headed to the park for a walk to try and clear her head. And once again, she found herself watching the kids on the playground.

I get to do that someday soon - bring my child here to play on the slide.

The thought caused her to well up with bittersweet tears. A stray one cascaded down her cheek, and she wiped it away absentmindedly.

Oh, God… help me…I don’t think I can do this alone…

“Karli,” came a deep voice from her right, and she turned her head that direction to see Jordan walking toward her.

“What’s wrong?” he said as soon as he got close enough to see her welling eyes.

“Um… I don’t have the flu,” she stammered.

“Well, that’s good, right?”

“Yes,” she managed.

“Okay, so…. What’s going on?”

I’m pregnant, she almost said, but held back.

I need to figure out how I feel about this before I tell anyone.

“Just… not a good day,” Karli whispered.

He tilted his head, gazing at her intently.

“I know what will cheer you up. Food.”

“Food?” she blinked.

“Yeah, you know. Food. Let’s have dinner, my treat. Anywhere you want to go. I know you’ve been hiding away at home. Can’t say I blame you. But I think a dinner out somewhere would do us both some good. What do you say?”

“You don’t have to work tonight?”

“Nope,” he confirmed. “Have a couple days off, and then Tim and I rotate to day shift.”

“You’re probably happy about that,” she pointed out, grateful for the distraction from the maelstrom that was currently her thoughts.

He shrugged.

“Just when I get my sleep schedule figured out, they change up the roster. It usually takes me a couple of days to adjust.”

They stood quietly for a moment.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I meant to ask you something…” his voice trailed off.

“But you’re already not having a good day, so, it can keep.”

“What is it?”

“I was just gonna say… If you need help with packing up anything…” he trailed off again, uncertain how to proceed.

“You mean Evan’s things,” she guessed.

Jordan exhaled.

“Yeah. I didn’t know if you wanted to leave them in the closet for a while, or if it would be easier on you if they were removed, or what. I’m willing to help if that’s what you want to do.”

“To be honest, seeing his clothes still hanging in his closet hurts,” she admitted. “Makes it feel like he’s just on another trip and he’ll be back. But he’s not coming back.”

Karli exhaled a shaky breath.

“But if I clean out all his stuff it makes it more… final. I don’t know…”

“No need to decide right away,” Jordan reassured her. “I just wanted to put it out there. If at some point you decide to do that, I can help you.”

She nodded.

“So, will you have dinner with me? I promise to provide sparkling conversation,” he teased, trying desperately to rid her eyes of the shadows he saw there.

“I could eat, I guess,” she replied. “Haven’t had much of an appetite lately, but I can try.”

He smiled.

“Pick you up in an hour?”

“Okay.”