2

Celia

“Celia!” I heard someone whisper my name loudly but thought it must be a dream because I was still asleep.

I was exhausted, I thought. Go back to sleep, girl.

“Celia!” This time, it was louder and accompanied by the thunk of a pillow over my head.

I scrambled up, my arm out to defend my head. “Mom, stop! I’m trying to sleep!”

Even as I said it, thoughts started to filter into my head. She only used the pillow when I absolutely had to wake up. Otherwise, she’d have just left me to sleep in my own version of zombie land.

“Celia, it’s late, you have to get up!” She stood over me, hands on her hips, arms akimbo as I gaped up at her.

“The bus!” I screamed out as I realized that if I didn’t get on the bus that would take me to the Big Apple, then I’d be stuck in Iowa missing my first week of my new life. My mom could only afford to get one bus ticket, and if I missed this bus then I’d be stuck here. I had worked all summer to get extra money, but that was supposed to keep me going while I was at school. I couldn’t miss that bus.

I’d worked all summer because I knew one thing was for sure, New York wasn’t cheap. I’d known that I would need as much money as possible to live there, which was why part of me felt guilty about going to school there. There were other choices. Closer choices. But they didn’t have the prestige or reputation of NY for me and I knew that once I completed my studies then I could get a job that would see Mom and I both living well.  

I jumped up to have a shower, my last one in the bathroom with the saggy floor, and sped through the usual shower routine. I didn’t take the time to condition my hair, today, I just washed it and carried on with the routine. I almost fell when I got out, but managed to brush my teeth, brushed my wet blond hair into a dreadful bun, and then hopped into my bedroom to dress. I threw on the clothes I’d set out the night before, ready to get on the road.

“That was quick!” Mom gasped as I walked into the living room of the tiny trailer.

“Had to be,” I said, a little breathless. Beggars can’t be choosers in this life, and I didn’t run for much in my life, but I did today. I had a lot to run for today.

I stared down at myself for a second and tried not to cringe. The diet that I said I would go on after my graduation, stopped and started on the same day. I was unfit and needed to cut down on the donuts, cakes and everything else coated in chocolate that I couldn’t resist. Maybe being around New Yorkers would do the trick for me.

Sometimes when I look at mom and myself, it was as if I was adopted. She could easily be on the cover of a magazine and had natural blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. Well, I adopted those features just not the body on the cover of a magazine part. But when I thought about it, I realized that my mom walked so much at work that she probably did on average 20 miles per day just running around the diner and she ate like a bird. She said that eating felt like another task she had to complete, at times, not like the pleasure it should be. I never understood how doing something so naturally for me felt the complete opposite for her, but I’d never worked in a diner, or as hard as she did.

“You be a good girl now,” Mom said as she gave me a big hug. I choked up a little as her thin arms went around me. I was off to my new life, there were so many mixed emotions, that I clung to her, too afraid to let go for a moment.

Then Nan popped up out of nowhere and scared us both. “Now, you just remember NOT to behave!”

She winked at me and I laughed, as I always did. She’d always encouraged me to walk on the wild side of life, even though she knew I never had. I shook my head at her and returned her impish smile. “Nan, you’re always such a bad influence.”

Mom pushed her out of the way and hugged me again. It almost felt as if I was being sent off to war and they might never see me again. I had to blink away tears when a sniff from Mom made my eyes well up.

“I’ll be back,” I tried to put on a fake smile. The one that I always put on to pretend that everything was alright. Something that I’d adopted over the years and should have become natural by now but was still a struggle to do at the worst of times. I knew that I wouldn’t be coming back for a long time, because it just wasn’t an option. We had one problem in our family, one that had been a constant in our lives.

A distinct lack of money.

I calculated that between the money my family raised for me to buy all the things that I couldn’t afford to buy even with financial aid, the job at the library that I would start next week and the savings that I know Mom had given to me that I wouldn’t have a lot of money for luxuries. The money I’d made over the summer working for the realtor wasn’t going to last that long. I had to be smart with my money from the start, so my Mom told me.

“New York ain’t cheap, Celia, and neither is a university education, so try to be really careful and don’t spend what you don’t have to. But have a good time,’ she said it all in one breath and I remembered thinking that I’d done a very bad thing. I’d put pressure on myself, Mom, and even Nan. The poor old woman had got a part-time job cleaning despite her bad hip.

I had to go off to school with my one mission in mind; to get that degree. The one that Mom would say was worth all the sacrifices we’d all made, the one that I could pay them all back, over and over again.

I chose NYU for a reason, it had one of the best neuroscience programs in the country, and I wasn’t going to let them down. There would be heartache and it would be hard saying goodbye, but it would only be for a little while. Four years would come and go in the blink of an eye. I’d come back home for a little while, and then head back, hopefully, to complete a master’s degree.

“Guys, stop it. You’re making me feel bad. I’m coming back and if it gets to be too much you can come to visit,” I smiled reassuringly at Mom knowing that it wasn’t an option for now. The hotel prices were through the roof and there was no way she could stay with me at the dorm. Unless my roommate was cool with it and I wouldn’t know that until I got there.

Too much was going through my mind. Last night I was dreaming about my pretend boyfriend and all the naughty things he’d do to me. This was my reality. I was going off to school to help my family. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.

“I love you, Mom,” I squeezed her good and tight as the tears escaped from my eyes.

“I love you even more,” she hugged me even tighter. I broke from her embrace thinking that I needed to get in Nan’s car and get on that bus. Otherwise, there’d be no helping myself, let alone the rest of the family.