Chapter Four

                                  Eva     

The first full heat hit like a storm I couldn’t control.

It starts as a fluttering in my chest, just enough to distract me, but then it explodes. My pulse spikes. 

My wolf thrashed inside, claws digging into my bones. Every nerve screamed. Every shadow smelled like him. Him. Shawn.

I stumble, biting my hand to keep from screaming. The room felt smaller, hotter, tighter. Somehow, I find my way and crawl to the balcony. My senses were no longer mine. I could hear the faintest brush of movement outside, smell the blood in the air, feel the thrum of his heartbeat from miles away.

And then he appears. Shawn, as if summoned. His eyes are silver under the moonlight. He doesn't speak. He didn't need to. My wolf knew, and mine howled in response.

"Please, make it stop", I beg, squirming from the intense pain I was feeling. 

"I can't", he squats close to me, as I lay sprawled out at his feet. 

Standing to his feet, he yanks off his t-shirt, exposing his broad chest, bronze-like, like it made love to the sun everyday. I want to put my hands on it, but I'm in a dilemma. What I forget, is the wolf. 

While I'm able to stop my thoughts from drifting, my wolf is ever present, and she has thoughts of her own. 

The heat claws at me. My body betrays me. My wolf surges, pressing me toward him. I fight to step back, to resist, to remember myself, but the bond pulsed, stronger than anything I’d ever felt.

Shawn reaches for me. His hand brushes my cheek, and I nearly shatter under the intensity. My claws rake the air; my teeth itching. My body trembles, not with fear, but with a craving I couldn’t name.

“You can fight,” he says, voice low and dangerous, “but your body won’t. Your wolf isn't an enemy, it's part of the self. Control comes from integration, not domination. You have to accept your wolf's needs without letting it rule." 

Before I'm able to make sense of what he had just said, he shape shifts. Not completely. Just from the head to the waist. I feel my wolf happy, it liked to be entertained. I do too. But, I am in no mood to hehehe about the situation. 

He shifts back to his human form, walking around me, he stops behind me. "With time, you'll learn controlled transformations and partial shifts. But first, the body must learn restraint before the mind can" he tucks my hair behind my ear, "Control is a tradition for werewolves. Some never fully succeed, but I trust you will."

He was too close. Too damn close. 

I want to scream, to run. But when his wolf brushes against mine, hungry, raw, demanding, I realize something terrifying I don't want him to stop.

A loss-of-control surge rocked me. I fall on my knees, trembling, shaking, causing my wolf to howl a deep, aching cry that merges with his. He bent over me, not to harm, not to claim entirely, but to test, to press, to teach me control.

I taste the danger. I feel it. And I'm embarrassed to say, but I want it.

The heat finally ebbs hours later and I am left shivering, aching, trembling. My wolf curls inside me like a caged animal. And I know Shawn and his wolf were watching, waiting, definitely shaking their head at what pitiful mess my wolf and I are.

The bond had deepened. The heat had awakened more than desire, it had awakened need, and it would not be denied. 

Could I ever control this? The beast that I am?

I hear Shawn's shuffle, probably exhausted from the training, it's almost dawn, and we had been up all night. I hear him move towards the door. Leaving. He was leaving. I'm so bad at this. 

"Rest up for a little bit, we'll be leaving soon" I hear him say. 

Leaving? Is he disappointed in me and has finally decided I'm better off not being a werewolf? But the damage has already been done. Or, could the bite-thing be reversed? Or… is he about to get rid of me?

"W_where to?" I croak. I had to ask, for my own sanity.

"I have a business appointment, which you have to follow me to. I do not trust you being here alone."

"It's not like I know anywhere to run to," I say, pissed off. He stripped me of that freedom two days ago. 

"Well, more reason you should come along with me. I'll show you around. Rest up. A maid will come up and help you run a bath." he closes the door behind him, sealing what he had said. No choice for me. 

The maid comes up a few minutes after. 

I sit in the bathtub, washing my hair, lost in my thoughts. I imagine the contrast between the life I'm currently living, and the one I had lived as a human. No, I wasn't fortunate enough to have the wealth that this place is gilded with, but I had my freedom. Currently, I have no sense of self. I'm mostly a distorted adult, living like an infant who's just discovering themselves. 

I'm more angry that he's right about me wanting to elope. 

I have to. 

A claw emerges from my fingertip, and I let it drag out on the bathtub. First, I have to master this wolf, learn to control it, before I leave. For the meantime, I'll stay put. 

I lay on the bed, willing myself to sleep. No matter how small, the sleep eludes me, and when I suddenly find myself falling into the dark, I'm dreaming of nothing but absurdity. In the chilling darkness, yet, I can make out unfamiliar shadows, contrasting and conflicting with each other. I can't hold them, but I hear them. It's almost like I'm looking into my head, my mind, from above, like a god. 

I'm drenched in sweat when I wake, from the maid's knock on the door, letting me know Shawn requires my presence. I hurriedly go into the bathroom, wash my body off the perspiration and discordance I am feeling. 

Five minutes later, I'm in the limo with Shawn, sitting opposite him, not acknowledging his presence. I'm looking out the window and I realize this route looks quite familiar. I swing my head to look at him. Our eyes meet, and he smirks at me. The same stupid smirk he wore on his face the first night we had met. 

But more than that, his smirk confirmed what I had suspected. 

We are indeed in human territory.