Chapter 43

Grief doesn’t always explode.

Sometimes—

It waits.

It builds.

Quietly.

Until one moment—

One small, insignificant moment—

Breaks everything.

EVENING — TOO QUIET__

The room was dim again.

Not completely dark.

Just enough light to exist in.

Eli sat on the edge of the bed, staring at nothing.

His hands rested on his knees.

Still.

Too still.

Kieran stood by the window, arms folded, watching him without making it obvious.

He had learned—

Eli didn’t like being watched.

But he also couldn’t leave him alone.

Not anymore.

It was small.

So small it shouldn’t have mattered.

A sound.

Soft.

Faint.

From outside.

Someone laughing.

Light.

Carefree.

Normal.

Eli’s fingers twitched.

Just once.

Then again.

His breathing shifted.

Shallow.

Uneven.

Kieran noticed immediately.

“…Eli?”

No response.

Eli’s head tilted slightly.

Like he was listening.

“…That laugh…”

His voice came out barely above a whisper.

“…It sounds like her…”

Kieran’s chest tightened.

“…It’s not—”

“I know.”

Eli cut him off.

Quickly.

Too quickly.

“…I know it’s not.”

But his voice—

It didn’t sound convinced.

Eli stood up slowly.

Unsteady.

Like his body didn’t fully belong to him.

“…She used to laugh like that…”

His lips trembled slightly.

“…When something stupid happened…”

A weak, broken smile flickered.

“…Or when I said something dumb…”

The smile didn’t last.

It never did.

His eyes filled again.

“…She’d look at me like I was the funniest person alive…”

His voice broke.

“…Even when I wasn’t.”

Silence.

Heavy.

Then—

It happened.

Suddenly.

Without warning.

Eli’s knees gave out.

He dropped.

Not dramatically.

Not loudly.

Just… collapsed.

Like something inside him finally gave up holding him together.

“…Eli.”

Kieran moved instantly.

Reached him before he hit the floor fully.

Caught him.

But this time—

Eli didn’t push him away.

Didn’t argue.

Didn’t resist.

Because he couldn’t.

The tears came harder this time.

Not quiet.

Not held back.

Raw.

Broken.

“…She’s really gone…”

His voice shattered completely.

“…She’s not coming back…”

Kieran held him.

Firm.

Steady.

But not tight.

Not trapping.

Just… there.

“…Eli—”

“I didn’t even say it back.”

That—

That stopped everything.

Kieran stilled.

“…What?”

Eli’s hands gripped his shirt weakly.

“…She said she loved me…”

His breathing became uneven again.

“…And I didn’t say it back…”

Tears fell harder.

“…I was too busy telling her to stay… too busy trying to fix everything…”

His voice cracked.

“…I didn’t even say it back…”

That regret—

It cut deeper than the loss itself.

Kieran’s arms tightened slightly around him.

Not forceful.

Just enough to ground him.

“…She knew.”

Eli shook his head weakly.

“…No…”

“…She did.”

Kieran’s voice was quieter now.

Softer than it had ever been.

“…She stayed for you. She chose you. She stood in front of you.”

A pause.

“…People don’t do that without knowing.”

Eli’s grip tightened.

But his crying didn’t stop.

“…I should’ve protected her…”

Kieran closed his eyes briefly.

“…So should I.”

That was the first time he said it out loud.

And it carried weight.

Heavy.

Real.

Eli didn’t respond to that.

But he heard it.

Eli leaned fully into him now.

Not just collapsing.

Not just falling.

But holding on.

Like he needed something to keep him from completely breaking apart.

His voice came out muffled.

“…Everything hurts…”

Kieran’s hand moved to the back of his head.

Holding him there.

“…I know.”

“…I can’t breathe properly…”

“…I know.”

“…I don’t know what to do…”

Kieran didn’t answer that.

Because there was no easy answer.

So instead—

He stayed.

Held him.

Let him cry.

Let him break.

Without stopping him.

Without silencing him.

FLASHBACK — KIERAN__

As Eli cried against him—

Kieran’s mind betrayed him.

A memory surfaced.

Uninvited.

Unwanted.

A younger Eli.

Smaller.

Laughing.

Running.

Turning back with bright eyes.

“…You’ll catch me, right?”

And Kieran—

Standing at a distance.

Watching.

Always watching.

“…Always.”

The memory faded.

Replaced by the present.

By the broken version of that same person in his arms.

And something inside Kieran twisted.

Because he had promised.

Long before Eli even remembered him.

Eli’s crying slowed eventually.

Not because the pain lessened.

But because his body couldn’t keep up.

Exhaustion took over.

He stayed close.

Too close.

Closer than he had ever allowed himself before.

And Kieran—

Didn’t move him away.

Didn’t create distance.

His hand remained in Eli’s hair.

Slow.

Gentle.

Repeated.

Eli’s breathing gradually steadied.

Still shaky.

But calmer.

Kieran looked down at him.

At how vulnerable he was.

At how close they were.

And for a moment—

That dangerous feeling returned.

The one that always came when Eli was this close.

His gaze dropped slightly.

To Eli’s face.

His lips.

His expression softened—

Too much.

He leaned in slightly—

Not fully.

Not completely.

But enough to feel it.

That pull.

That temptation.

That need.

But then—

He stopped.

Closed his eyes briefly.

And pulled back just enough.

Because this—

This wasn’t the moment.

Not like this.

Not when Eli was breaking.

Eli didn’t move away.

Even after everything.

Even after the tears.

He stayed there.

Leaning against Kieran.

Half-asleep.

Half-drained.

Completely exhausted.

And for once—

He didn’t tell him to leave.

Kieran stayed exactly where he was.

Not moving.

Not speaking.

Just… holding him together.

For as long as he needed.