Chapter 42

Grief didn’t pass.

It settled.

Heavy.

Permanent.

Like something had taken root inside Eli’s chest and refused to leave.

DAYS LATER__

Time moved.

But Eli didn’t.

He stopped keeping track of days.

Stopped caring about morning or night.

Everything felt the same.

Gray.

Empty.

He barely left his room anymore.

Barely spoke.

Barely ate.

Sometimes he drank.

Sometimes he just sat there doing nothing.

And sometimes—

He lay there staring at nothing for hours.

Not sleeping.

Not thinking.

Just… existing.

KIERAN__

Kieran noticed everything.

Every skipped meal.

Every restless night.

Every moment Eli tried to disappear into himself.

And this time—

He didn’t stay distant.

Eli had fallen asleep sitting up.

Back against the wall.

Bottle still loose in his hand.

His head tilted slightly, breath uneven.

Not peaceful.

Never peaceful.

Kieran stood at the doorway for a moment.

Watching.

Something in his chest tightening.

Then slowly—

He walked in.

Quiet.

Careful.

Like approaching something fragile.

He crouched in front of Eli.

Studied his face.

The exhaustion.

The tear stains.

The way even in sleep, his brows were slightly drawn—

Like he couldn’t escape it even there.

Kieran reached out.

Paused.

Then gently—

Brushed a strand of hair away from Eli’s face.

“…You’re ruining yourself.”

His voice was low.

Soft.

Not cold.

Not commanding.

Just… tired.

Eli shifted slightly.

Murmured something under his breath.

Not clear.

But Kieran caught one word.

“…Charlotte…”

That—

That hit.

Harder than expected.

Kieran’s jaw tightened briefly.

But his touch didn’t change.

Instead—

He slid one arm behind Eli’s back.

The other beneath his knees.

And lifted him.

Carefully.

Like he might break.

Eli stirred slightly.

“…Mm…”

But didn’t wake fully.

His body leaned unconsciously into Kieran’s chest.

Seeking warmth.

Seeking stability.

Even without realizing it.

Kieran stilled for a second.

Because that instinct—

That unconscious trust—

It did something to him.

Something dangerous.

Something soft.

“…You still come to me.”

A quiet whisper.

Not meant for anyone to hear.

Kieran laid him on the bed slowly.

Adjusted him.

Pulled the blanket over him.

But Eli stirred again.

Restless.

Unsettled.

Like sleep itself rejected him.

“…No…”

His voice was faint.

Broken.

Kieran sat beside him.

Watched.

Then—

Without thinking too much about it—

He reached out.

Placed a hand lightly on Eli’s head.

And began to stroke his hair.

Slow.

Gentle.

Repetitive.

Like calming something wild.

Something hurting.

Eli’s breathing shifted slightly.

Not perfect.

But calmer.

And for the first time in days—

He seemed to actually rest.

It didn’t last long.

Eli woke abruptly.

Breathing uneven.

Eyes unfocused.

Like he had been dragged out of something painful.

His gaze landed on Kieran.

And immediately—

His expression hardened.

“…What are you doing?”

His voice was rough.

Guarded.

Kieran didn’t pull his hand away immediately.

“…You were restless.”

Eli frowned.

“…I didn’t ask you to—”

“You didn’t need to.”

That stopped him.

Just for a second.

Then Eli looked away.

“…Stop treating me like I’m weak.”

Kieran’s voice stayed calm.

“…You are weak right now.”

Eli’s head snapped back.

Anger flaring.

“…Say that again.”

Kieran met his gaze steadily.

“…You’re not eating. Not sleeping. Not thinking clearly.”

A pause.

Then softer:

“…That’s not strength.”

Silence.

Tense.

Eli pushed himself up.

“…I don’t need you taking care of me.”

Kieran didn’t move.

“…That doesn’t change the fact that I will.”

That—

That irritated him more.

“…Why?!”

Eli’s voice cracked.

“…Why are you even doing this?!”

Kieran didn’t answer immediately.

Because the real answer—

Would only make things worse.

So he chose the truth Eli could handle.

“…Because you won’t take care of yourself.”

Eli laughed bitterly.

“…So this is pity?”

Kieran’s gaze darkened slightly.

“…No.”

A pause.

Then quietly:

“…It’s not pity.”

Eli didn’t ask further.

Maybe he didn’t want to know.

Eli’s anger didn’t hold.

It never did these days.

It crumbled too quickly.

Leaving only exhaustion behind.

He sat back down slowly.

Hands trembling slightly.

“…I can still hear her sometimes…”

His voice dropped.

“…It doesn’t stop.”

Kieran watched him closely.

“…What does she say?”

Eli swallowed.

“…Nothing.”

A tear slipped down.

“…That’s the problem.”

Silence filled the room again.

This time—

Kieran moved closer.

Not forceful.

Not trapping.

Just… there.

Close enough.

“…Then don’t stay alone with it.”

Eli let out a quiet laugh.

“…You think being here changes anything?”

Kieran didn’t flinch.

“…No.”

A pause.

“…But it keeps you from drowning completely.”

Eli didn’t respond.

But he didn’t tell him to leave either.

Minutes passed.

Quiet.

Heavy.

But not as suffocating as before.

Eli leaned back slightly.

Tired.

Drained.

And without thinking—

His shoulder brushed lightly against Kieran’s arm.

He didn’t move away immediately.

And neither did Kieran.

That small contact—

It meant more than either of them acknowledged.

Later that night—

Eli drifted into sleep again.

This time on the bed.

Not the floor.

Kieran stayed.

Sitting beside him.

Watching.

Guarding.

His hand rested lightly near Eli’s—

Not touching.

But close enough.

Like a silent promise.