00 Forget

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia, and forget about the stupid little things.

– Five Seconds of Summer

"I love you to the moon and back, Ann." Her sweet blonde-haired Australian guy gave her a peck after surprising her with a big teddy bear on her 19th birthday.

She hugged him so tightly. “Thank you so much, baby.”

At that time, she felt like she was the happiest girl on the planet. He was her first boyfriend and it was her first time falling for someone. They started dating after they met at the homecoming party, back in the first year of university.

Being Asian didn’t mean she was less popular than those blonde cheerleaders or sexy Latinas. She was a badass in her own way. Every subject she took was a piece of cake to her. Her fashion taste was top-notch despite the prices. Both girls and boys respected her for her humility and sincerity reflected in her smile and kind gesture. No wonder the university heartthrob fell for her.

During the four-year studies, they represented the couple goals everyone wanted to have. Thus they were nominated as a legendary couple.

However, it didn’t last long after they graduated. Surviving a year afterward was a complete miracle. Their relationship was based on distrust and fights. Annaliese had tried her best to save it but it only made her stressed.

They finally broke up. It was the end game for them.

⟡⟡⟡

A year later she was assigned to work in Singapore even though she had only worked for the company for a year. Her new boss was impressed by her performance. Therefore, he always took her to every meeting or business trip.

She never once thought of traveling overseas without spending even a penny. Her boss covered everything she needed. She was wondering why her boss was so generous toward her. It was half a year later that she received a confession from him.

Annaliese felt loved again. The time she took in singleness was enough for her heart to heal from the past breakup. After all, their six months of togetherness were wonderful. She discovered what a great man he was. She was so grateful for not finding the reason why she deserved someone like him. Not to mention the fact that he was a bright young CEO.

Then came a day when they were finally engaged. Annaliese found hope in love again. Her life was complete. At least that was what she thought before figuring out something suspicious.

“What’s this?” Annaliese showed her fiancé a torn condom wrap. “I found it under your bed.”

He was startled, not expecting her to find out too soon. “I can explain,” he said.

“How long has it been going? What did I do to you that I deserve this?” Annaliese was worked up in just a second. Her pale skin turned red.

The guy got up, stood right in front of her, and said, “Because I can never get what I want from you.”

“What is this all about? Are you talking about having sex with me? Didn’t you agree before we decided to get engaged?”

With just a single palm gesture, he stopped her from talking. “Enough. We’re done. Goodbye.” And he left.

That was another end game for this relationship.

⟡⟡⟡

“I’m never gonna fall in love again.” It was an easy decision to make by a 26-year-old woman who had experienced two failed relationships. But what about committing to it?

Annaliese was transferred to Colombia after breaking up with the Singaporean CEO. She took Spanish courses for the sake of her job. English might be an international language, but somehow people would show more appreciation for those who could speak their language. It was always an unwritten law almost everywhere around the world.

Being a very social person, she made friends with many friends. One night, she was invited to a get-together. She came in a white dress. Little did she know it brought her to experience a small disaster. Someone spilled a glass of wine on it.

“¡Oh Dios mío! ¡Lo siento mucho!” The woman who did that said sorry right away.

There was no way to return home and get changed. However, she didn’t feel good about wearing a filthy dress, especially because it was white, her favorite color.

A guy saw what happened and approached Annaliese. “Hey. Come with me. I think you need rescue right away,” he tried his best to talk against the loud music.

Having no other options, she trailed him upstairs. At first, she doubted when the guy stopped at a room.

“You’re not going to get me naked and do that, are you?” The look of disgust on her face clearly indicated that she wouldn’t want that.

The guy chuckled. “No, of course not. This is my house, and this is my sister’s room. I believe she wouldn’t mind you wearing one of her dresses,” he explained.

Annaliese pursed her lips and felt guilty for being rude too quickly. She then came inside and was shown a big wardrobe where beautiful dresses were hung. Her eyes widened as soon as her fashion spirit told her how much they were worth.

“Pick any dress you like,” he said.

“Are you sure she won’t mind?”

“She would be very glad. She told me to do something about all of these before she passed.”

Annaliese turned to him, feeling startled. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said.

“Why? Were you the one who took her life?”

She clicked her tongue. “You know that’s not what I meant,” she replied with a little chuckle. “Alright then. I’ll take this white dress.”

The guy nodded repeatedly. “Hmm. You’re clearly a big fan of whites,” he commented.

With a broad smile, she answered, “I am.”

He gave a thumbs up and said, “Okay. I’ll let you go get changed. Make sure you lock the door. There might be strangers coming and ‘do that’, you know.” He made invisible quotation marks in the air.

“Right in the bull’s eye, bro. You got me.” Annaliese pursed her lips and nodded several times. “But thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Do it properly. With a cup of coffee. Americano. Less sugar.”

That was a smooth invitation to a date, which Annaliese finally accepted several days later. When they met, there were no pickup lines or flirting. They just clicked and things escalated very quickly afterward.

Her bitter past was forgotten. Her broken heart was fixed. She was ready to take a further step.

In the following year, they were already preparing for a wedding. Both families had met each other and agreed on their children’s relationship. There was no reason to not take this step.

One morning, exactly a month before the wedding, she received a piece of paper on her bed. She didn’t think it would be the moment before she finally closed her heart.

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My dear Ann,

I’m sorry for being such a coward. I have been thinking about our relationship for the last couple of months. But as you’re very happy about our wedding, I never had the heart to say it to you in person. I can’t see you break.

Two months ago, I reunited with my first love. All this time, it was only about her. I know, I know. You have the right to be mad right now. I didn’t mean to play with your heart. When I was with you, I felt it too. The sparks and everything.

But I guess… it wasn’t love. My heart fell for this girl even after losing her for years.

I don’t want to make you live with a man who doesn’t love you with all of his heart. I have to make this decision.

When your heart is ready, let me know. I will meet you in person and say sorry once again. Please don’t worry about all the costs we have to spend on the wedding. It’s all on me.

I know I don’t deserve it, but forgive me.

You’re an absolutely wonderful woman. Thank you for all this time. I hope you meet your one true love.

I love you,

Z.

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Broken in pieces. There was no other way to express what her heart was feeling now.

She stopped loving. She stopped wanting to be loved. She stopped believing in love.