Chapter 4: Her Guilt

(Almost Two Years Later)

(Piper POV)

It was currently nine-thirty at night.  I was alone in my room in the basement, and after working all day, I felt completely exhausted.  Nevertheless, I had something important that I had to do before I went to bed. 

I placed a single candle into a chocolate chip cookie that I had stolen from the packhouse kitchen.  I lit the candle and began softly singing, hoping to avoid anyone hearing me.

“Happy birthday to you.  Happy birthday to you.  Happy birthday dear Daddy.  Happy birthday to you.”

Smiling sadly, I blew out the candle and made a wish.  It was not just any wish… it was my only wish.  The same wish that I made every single time I celebrated the birthday of someone that I left behind:  that the Moon Goddess would continue to look after everyone that I cared about at Blue Ridge, and that she would allow me to see them again soon.

So far, my wish had yet to come true, but I continued to hold out hope.  I had to.  Hope —however waning— was the only thing that was keeping me going.  

By this point, it had been 23 months since I ran away from home.  My 20^th birthday was in just a few more days, which meant that I would finally be old enough to meet my mate.   

I should have felt relieved and excited, and a part of me was.  Wanting a chance to meet my fated mate was the main reason Xander convinced me to run away. 

However, a bigger part of me was sad.  And homesick.  And the biggest part of me felt guilty.  So very, very guilty.

Xander promised that he would come for me when it was safe to come back, but I had not seen or heard anything from him.  The herbs that he gave me to mask my identity as a ranked wolf had almost run out, and I was getting nervous.  The more time that went by, the more scared I became that Xander’s absence meant something bad had happened. 

I worried that Bloodstone had carried out its threats and attacked our pack after I left.  Worse, I worried that Blue Ridge had lost the war and/or that wolves that I cared about had been hurt or killed.

The guilt I felt was overwhelming.

I had the chance to save my pack and everyone that I cared about, and instead of doing so, I ran.  I was a selfish coward.  Would it really have been so bad to marry Leo Bloodstone?  He wasn’t my mate, but he was handsome and powerful.  Sure, everyone including Xander said that he was a cruel a&&hole, but could marrying him have been any worse than living without my family and friends? 

“Xander was right, Piper.  We deserved the chance to meet our mate, just like every other wolf.  And there was no guarantee that even if you had married Leo, Bloodstone would have left our pack alone.  They may have attacked anyway,” my wolf reminded me in our link.

I sighed.  “Yes, Penelope, but there was also the chance that Bloodstone would have kept their promise.  And if it didn’t, I might have at least been in a position to warn our pack.  Or to fight alongside them.  I never should have left.”

“Piper, you cannot think that way.”

“Sure I can,” I responded dismissively.

Penelope groaned and then retreated to the recesses of my mind.  She did not enjoy my self-imposed pity parties.  She preferred to be optimistic and focus on our future. 

When I was younger, I was optimistic just like her; it was why Penelope and I got along so well.  However, the guilt and homesickness had slowly begun to change my personality. 

Every single day, I thought about those that I left behind.  My father.  My little brother.  Xander.  Xander’s family.  My school friends.  The pack omegas.

Not knowing what happened after I left —and not knowing how everyone was doing— was practically killing me. 

Unfortunately, I did not deal with the combined guilt and homesickness very well.  And by “not very well,” I mean that I made some really bad decisions.  The weight of those bad decisions has also began to impact me.

How bad were my bad decisions?  You have no idea.  My bad decision making started on the one-year anniversary of running away, and it centered around an unfortunately very handsome male wolf....