Drizzling 05

Nang magising ako ay nakahiga na ako sa sofa habang nakapatong ang ulo sa mga hita ni Zyle. I groaned as the thought of what happened last night. Damn, did that really happened?

"Zyle," I called to know if he's already awake. Nakasandal siya at nakapikit pa. Baka tulog pa. I closed my eyes before drifting to another slumber.

Nagising akong muli dahil sa pananakit ng tagiliran. Pagdilat ko ay mga butones ang nakita ko. I looked up and realized that I am facing Zyle's abdomen. Naramdaman kong nakahawak siya sa kaliwang balikat ko. Parang nakaalalay dahil baka mahulog ako.

Wait. If I am facing his abdomen and my cheeks was against his lap, then... Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng marealize ko kung ano ang posisyon ko ngayon. Shit. I was so close to his thing!

Bigla akong napatayo dahilan kung bakit nahilo ako kaya napahawa ako sa aking ilo habang napapikit.

"Hindi mo dapat binigla 'yung pagbangon, nahilo ka tuloy." Hindi ko siya pinansin at pumikit lang. Ilang sandali lang ay nawala rin ang hilo. Napahawak naman ako sa tiyan ko ng sumakit ang aking sikmura at inilibot ang tingin sa paligid. Zyle was studying at me. My stomach was empty dahil sa pagsusuka kahapon. Napansin niya ata ang paghawak ko roon.

"Terrence is preparing brunch." He smiled at me. "Good morning." I looked at him. Gulo-gulo ang buhok dahil sa pagtulog. He has a thin layer of hair on his chin na hindi niya inaahit. Maaliwalas ang mukha kahit kagigising lang.

"Morning." Hindi ko mapigilang humikab. "Anong oras ba tayo natulog kahapon?"

"5:00. Inaantok ka pa? Higa ka muna ulit. O kung gusto mo lumipat ka na lang muna sa kama ko."

"Sure?" Tumango lang ito. "Gisingin mo ko kapag kakain na." Humiga ako ulit sa hita niya pero nakaharap na 'yung likod ko sa sandalan hindi katulat kanina. I closed my eyes. Ilang oras lang ba ang tulog namin?

I felt him remove strands of my hair of my face before I became unconscious again.

"Gising na," I heard Zyle said. Nakaramdam ako ng pag-alog sa aking balikat. When I woke up again, nasa harap ko na si Terrence.

"Let's eat?"

Umayos ako ng upo at nagkusot sandali ng mata para makapag-adjust sa ilaw sa paligid. I stretched my arms up and look at them. "Tara."

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay nagligpit lang kami ng unit ni Zyle. Pagkatapos noon ay nagpaalam na kami na lilipat na sa unit ni Terrence. I have some clothes there kaya makikiligo na rin ako. Nanglalagkit na kasi ako.

"Sama muna ako sa inyo."

Terrence just shrugged and typed the passkey on his door. Pagkapasok ko ay dumiretso ako agad sa kwarto ni Terrence at kumuha ng damit roon. Paminsan kasi ay may kapamilya siyang nakikitulog sa guestroom niya kaya sa closet niya na lang tinatago 'yung iilang damit ko rito. Napakunot ang noo ko. Oo nga, paano 'yon kung may makitulog ulit sa pamilya niya.

Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto niya ay nakita ko silang nag-uusap ni Zyle. Terrence unit have the same size of Zyle's. Pinagawa niya lang talaga 'yung isang kwarto kaya wala ring CR sa loob ng kwarto niya.

Tumingin sila sa akin. "Cass, I'm leaving. Luke called me, it's urgent." Diretsong sabi ni Terrence kaya kumunot ang noo ko.

"Agad, agad? You take a shower first then."

Tumangon ito. Back to being silent, I guess?

Nauna siyang maligo pero ilang sandali lang ay lumabas na rin siya. "Tapos ka na agad?" Tumango lang siya at dumiretso sa kwarto niya. Ako naman ang pumasok sa CR dala ang mga pamalit. Pagkatapos maligo ay doon na ako nagpalit since the guys are still outside.

"Hahatid ka na lang ni Zyle, aalis na ako." I looked at him. Akala ko umalis na siya kaninang naliligo ako.

"I have my car."

"You sure you can drive?"

I rolled my eyes on him making him smile. "I always forgot your Ms. Independent."

"Hatid na lang kita sa parking," Zyle offered. Tumango na lang ako.

"Go now, Terrence. We can manage. I'm not 5."

"I'll go then. Thanks again," sabi niya sa aming dalawa tapos ay umalis na rin.

Tumingin ako kay Zyle na kumakain ng mansanas na nakuha niya sa ref ni Terrence. "Madalas ka rito?"

He shrugged. "Pag trip lang tumambay."

Kaya pala at home sila sa unit ng isa't isa. Sabagay, magkatapat lang ang mga unit nila.

"May kunin lang ako sa kwarto tapos alis na tayo."

"Take your time."

I didn't wear make-up since uuwi lang naman ako at sa sasakyan lang. I just put a matted lip tint at nagsuklay bago lumabas. Zyle was busy on his phone. Napaangat ang tingin niya ng marinig ang pagsara ng pinto saka tumayo.

Lumabas kami ng unit at dumiretso sa elevator.

"Kailan ka lilipat?"

"Lilipat?" I acted confused. "Ba't ako lilipat?"

He chuckled and just shook his head.

Nang nasa parking na ay pinatunog ko ang sasakyan. Bago ko pa mabuksan ang driver's seat ay nabuksan na ito ni Zyle para sa akin. I looked at him amused pero inalis ko rin ang tingin sa kaniya at pumasok. Sasabihin ko sanang kaya ko naman at hindi niya 'yon kailangan gawin pero hinayaan ko na lang.

Inilagay ko ang paperbag ng mga pinagbihisan ko sa passenger seat bago tumingin sa kaniya.

"Do you think Terrence is being serious?"

Tumango lang siya at tumawa ng mahina. Tumingin ako sa kaniya ng masama. "Ginatungan mo rin kasi!" sumbat ko sa kaniya kaya lalo lang siyang tumawa. He was laughing with enjoyment. So different to the first time I met him na tahimik lang noon.

"We're friends, right?" Hindi ko siya sinagot at inirapan. I knew it's a trap. Kapag sumagot ako ng oo, sasabihin niya lang na dapat damay-damay kami.

Nang hindi ako sumagot ay natahimik siya saka seryosong tumingin sa akin. "Sorry, I assumed." Tumingin siya sa orasan niya at nagbigay ng maiit na ngiti. "Akyat na ko. Ingat ka."

He closed the door and leave. Kunot ang noo kong tumingin sa likod niya paalis. "Hey, what do you mean?!" I shouted pero hindi na siya lumingon. Hanggang sa mawala na siya sa paningin ko. I left the basement frowning.

Did he really thought I am not considering him as a friend simply because I haven't answer him?

+++

I confirmed everything when Monday came at hindi niya ako pinapansin. Kapag tinatawag ko siya at ay hindi siya lumilingon o kaya naman ay gagawa ng excuse like magpupunta ng restroom and such! He treated me like that for a whole week and I'm done with him!

Kung ayaw niya ako pansinin, edi huwag! I can ignore him too. Kapag galit nga ako kay Terrence, hindi ko talaga siya pinapansin, siya pa kaya?

"I think you two should talk," Terrence said out of nowhere. Nasa cafeteria kami ng university, kumakain ng lunch. Alam kong napapansin ni Terrence 'yung nangyayari last week pero ngayon lang siya nag-react. Patayo an sana siya dala ang pagkain niya nang hablotin ko ang kamay niya at tinitigan siya ng masama at seryoso.

"Subukan mo kong iwan rito, masasama ka," banta ko. Agad naman siyang bumalik sa upuan sa tapat ko. Sa gilid niya ay si Zyle.

Inilipat ko ang tingin ko kay Zyle. "You, what's your problem ba? Is it because I haven't answered you when you asked if we are friends? Of course, we are! We only knew each other for weeks but why do you think I asked you to help me for his birthday?" Tinuro ko si Terrence na nanahimik ito sa gilid. "Why do you think I agreed and invited you to sleep on that fucking sofa of yours Kahit sobrang uncomfortable to sleep?"

"So, you will agree to the deal Terrence proposed?" Nagulat ako sa tinanong niya.

"What the fuck? Is that all?! O sige na, payag na ko!" sabi ko agad. Jusme, para doon lang hindi niya na ako papansinin?!

I looked at Terrence that slowly show a triumph smile. Napakunot ang noo ko sa kaniya.

Tumingin siya kay Zyle. "I told you, she treasures friendship so much." Tumingin siya sa akin saka inilahad 'yung kamay sa akin. "Seal the deal."

Kunot ang noong tumingin ako sa kaniya. I felt my head raging by the thought running on my mind. "You, manipulative asshole! You planned this para lang mapapayag ako sa deal? And you even use my weakness?!" Hindi makapaniwalang sagot ko.

I felt betrayed. I was thinking the whole week why Zyle was ignoring me. I was worried I really made it bad with him tapos ganito lang? Para mapapayag lang ako sa deal na 'yon? Hindi man lang nila inisip if I'm fine with that! Sarili lang nila ang iniisip nila! If they really love their women, bakit pa sila maghahanap ng iba? Bakit kailangang may magbabantay at dapang mangdamay?

Kasalanan ko bang choice nilang maghintay sa babae nila? Kung kaya nila, well I am different! I am not waiting for anyone or even hoping for some man to stay with me. I just want someone that came from me. 'Yung alam kong hindi ako iiwan. 'yung siguradong makakasama ko habang buhay ako. I just want my baby because in this world that the only constant is change, I believe family is something na kahit anong gawin mong pangbabaliktad sa mundo, mananating pamilya mo pa rin sila. And the innocent love of a child was so endearing for me.

"You know what, I am so disappointed to the two of you. Lalo ka na Terrence." Tumayo ako at kinuha 'yung bag ko. "Don't talk to me anymore." My voice broke on the last word that came out of my mouth. Dali-dali akong umalis bago pa nila makitang tumulo 'yung luha ko.

I heard them calling my name pero hindi na ako humarap. Pinunasan ko 'yung luhang tumulo sa mata ko saka naglakad ng parang walang nangyari. I straighten my posture and held my head up high.

I won't give anyone glancing at me the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

I thought Mason breaking up with me was the most painful thing I would feel.

But I didn't expect that cutting Terrence in my life felt like hell.

I never attend our class for that afternoon. Dumiretso na ako ng uwi dahil sa sobrang sama ng loob ko. I cried on my room, thinking what did I do wrong to them but I ended up falling asleep, still trying to figure it out.

I was thankful the next day dahil may seating arrangement so hindi ko sila katabi. Minsan, magpapasalamat ka talaga sa mga bagay na ayaw mo. I mean, who's student wants to have a seating arrangement specially in college?

Nang matapos ang klase ay agad kong kinuha ang bag ko saka nagmamadaling lumabas ng room. Nakita ko pang sumunod sila Terrence kaya naman bago sila makaabot ay sinarado ko na ang elevator. Mabuti na lang at wala akong kasabay.

That's the only minor class I have that day kaya naman napanatag na ako nang matapos 'yon. I go to the parking lot at naghanap ng kakainan. I can't go to the cafeteria kasi baka hanapin nila ako roon. I drove to the nearest mall and entered one of the fast food chain na una kong nakita.

I ordered a 2 slice of different flavor cake, ice cream and a coke. I was hoping these sweets can comfort me but I already sipped the last drop of my drink but I couldn't felt good.

I entered a shop selling different crafts and home décor. I saw an Eiffel Tower painting. I smiled while looking at it in detailed. The stoke of brush was visible but I couldn't find to myself the urge to buy it. Usually, if I found an Eiffel Tower things, binibili ko agad. The painting in front of me was magnificent but...

"Miss, that painting belong to our 20 percent sale..." kung anu-ano pa ang sinabi niya pero nang tinanong niya kung kukunin ko ba at sinabing hindi ay tumalikod agad ito sa akin.

I raised my brows. Attitude ha!

Umalis na lang ako sa loob ng shop dahil mabubwisit lang ako roon. Imbis na pumasok sa klase ay dumiresto na lang ako ulit sa condo. Ibinagsak ko ang aking katawan sa kama at pinilit ang sariling matulog na lang. I wonder paano kung hindi ako lumipat ng school. Paano kung hindi ko nakilala si Zyle. Siguro ay bati kami ni Terrence ngayon.

Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko. That seems wrong. Hindi ko naman pinapalabas na sana hindi ko na lang nakilala si Zyle. I was just...

Just sleep Cass. Don't think anymore.

The next day ay dalawang minor ko sila kaklase kaya wala talaga akong balak pumasok. Late na rin ako gumising. I was just on my underwear and a white shirt. It wasn't that long. I just reached half of my butt kaya kita rin talaga 'yung underwear ko. Ako lang rin naman ang tao sa condo. The window glasses are tinted so I don't have to worry as long as it's close. I am confident with my body. I even wear swimsuit with everyone on the beach so what's there to worryin my unit?

Lumabas na ako ng kwarto para sana maghanda ng breakfast pero nagulat ko ng maabutan ko si Terrence na nakatayo, tinitingnan 'yung picture namin na nakasabit sa wall, habang nakaupo naman si Zyle. Sabay silang napatingin sa akin.

"What the heck are you two doing here?!" I saw Zyle looking away pero si Terrence, nakatingin lang. Of course, they're here. Terrence knew my passkey.

"fix yourself first."

"No!" I said stubbornly. "Leave. I don't want to see any of you."

"Change your clothes first then let's talk--"

"Where not talking! Leave me alone!" I felt myself started to breathe heavily. I don't want them here. I don't want to see either of them. I can fight everyone but not my family nor friends!

"Okay, let's talk now." Of course, he won't be bother by my looks. Obvious naman na kaya niya lang ako pinagbibihis ay dahil kay Zyle. "Where here because--"

"What?! Na realize mo na 'yung kagaguhan mo?" I was waiting for him to warn me because of cursing him but it didn't come. Instead, I saw him clenched his jaw.

"Ano? Magagalit ka sakin kasi tinawag kitang gago? Bakit hindi ba ha? Nakakatawa bang lokohin ako?" I bit my lower lip as I felt my eyes watered. "You knew exactly how bothered I was when one of our friend ignored me. I keep asking myself if I did something wrong. Tapos uulitin mo sa akin? I feel so betrayed, Terrence!" hindi ko napigilang manginig ang boses ko kasabay ang pagtulo ng luha ko.

Agad siyang lumapit sa akin at niyakap ako. Pilit ko siyang tinutulak pero mahigpit ang kapit niya sa akin. I hate it. I hate fighting with my friends because I always end up crying no matter how stubborn I was. I don't want to show weakness but they are my weakness. I already accepted the fact that I might not have a partner for life but having no friends at all was a different story. Friend are family by heart. And that's the reason why I treasure them a lot.

"Sorry," he whisphered while planting kisses on my head. "Sorry, Cass, hindi ko na uulitin." Sometimes, I hate because I was soft to them. Isang sorry lang nila, bumibigay na agada ko. Isang sorry lang, ubos na lahat ng tampo ko

I hugged him back and cried inside his arms. I cried all the frustrations I had when we didn't talk. When I was thinking of ending our friendship and the thought of having no Terrence in life. Siguro ang babaw lang sa iba. But they won't understand me unless they are on my shoe.

"Sorry, Cass. Don't mind the deal, I'm ridiculous, I know."

"It's not the deal. It's you, planning and asking Zyle to ignore me just to fuckin agree to that deal! You knew me when I find a friend into someone. Mapili ako sa kaibigan but Zyle manage to grow into me for a short span of time... Tapos gaganunin n'yo ko."

"I understand, still, sorry pa rin." He brushed my hair using his fingers. "I made that deal for you. Do you really think, I can lay a woman that was not Ashley?" Itinulak niya ako ng marahan para makita ang mukha ko. Nakakunot ang noo ko at tumigil na sa pag-iyak. He wipped the tears on my cheeks.

"Cass, I don't want you living like this. If love doesn't come to you, it's fine. Kahit naman makahanap ako ng babaeng papakasalan ko, I will still be here for you. Hindi naman sa pinagbabawalan kita makipag-sex. Sa akin lang naman, 'wag ka papalit-palit ng lalaki nang hindi naman sumusubok. See what happened to Garry? I don't want you with different man na sasaktan ka lang naman.

"I know what Mason did to you made you who you are now, but please. He broke you once. But don't let him ruin your whole life because you never believe in love anymore."

"Cass, remember those times na masaya ka pa kay Mason. Relive those moments that you keep bugging me kasi hindi ka makatulog because he did something sweet for you. Na kinikilig ka. Ayaw mo na bang maramdaman 'yon ulit?"

I was just looking at him, absorbing every word. My eyes watered again. "Nakakainis ka. Paano ako makikipag-break sa'yo kung ganito ka?"

I heard him chuckle before pulling me into another hug. "I won't let you break up with me, Sidy." 

Kinurot ko siya sa tagiliran kaya tumawa siya.

"Ehem." Napalingon ako sa likod nang may umubo. I saw Zyle, holding my robe na sinasabit ko sa likod ng pinto para madaling isuot kapag may bisita. Ibinuka niya iyon pero hindi nakatingin sa akin. Nakapaling ang ulo niya sa gilid.

Ipinasok ko ang aking mga kamay sa lusutan at inayos iyon. Saka lang siya napaharap sa akin. "Sorry for what I've done."

I slapped him, pero hindi naman ganoon kalakas. "Don't ever plan something on me with him." Itinuro ko pa si Terrence. Nakita kong nagulat siya sa pagsampal ko pero tumango siya sa sinabi ko. I rolled my eyes at him saka siya niyakap.

"The first day he ignored you was real tho." Rinig ko sabi ni Terrence kaya napatingala ako sa kaniya. He was staring at me straight in the eye while smiling. Napaawang ang mga labi ko pero agad ko ring itinikom. I gulped and tore my eyes from him and hug him tighter while hiding my face to his chest.

"S-sorry." I bit my cheek from the inside. The heck! Did I just stutter?

"Sorry too." I felt him enveloping me by his arms.

Hugging Terrence felt good.

But Zyle's embrace was...

Something more...