Chapter Three

I didn’t learn about men’s polygamous nature from my husband because it first started with my dad and it shaped my entire life leaving me in a loop that ranges from trauma , to acceptance of cheating and a marriage antagonist and nobody would ever blame me .

The cheating by my dad probably started before I was born and continued till I was old enough and even till I became older .

On the day my period started I was just 12 years old then and it was doing my mathematics class that I noticed my cloth was slightly stained so my mathematics teacher took me to the clinic and taught me about period and hygiene even though my mum had told me about them i didn’t want to cut her shut so listened to her gently and in in a way that made her think I was eager to hear from her .

After I changed into my sports wear and went back to the class I was still uncomfortable because wearing a pad was discomforting and also my stomach was making me feel funny, so I took permission and went home .

Getting home I entered the door code and realized it was open so I immediately entered inside wondering who would be at home since my dad was never really around and my mum had just started her small trading business after complaining severally about how my Dad never gives her enough money.

Climbing the stairs I was hearing voices that sounded muffled and loud at the same time , curious to know what was happening I went towards my parents room and that was when I heard the words clearly and saw the sight that traumatized and scarred my entire existence especially as a child .

“Fuck me hard baby “ was the voice that I heard clearly then my dad was simply making sounds that couldn’t be translated into words .

I saw my dad on top of a woman who wasn’t my mum , I mean if it was my mum I would still be traumatized but it was worse because it wasn’t my mum , she was slightly younger than my mum and slender .

I watched my dad go high and low on top of a lady and I couldn’t just walk or scream. Then suddenly the lady noticed me standing at the doorway and let out a loud scream in embarrassment, grabbing the sheets and covering her body. Then my dad covered up and quickly closed the door .

A few minutes later he came to my room and asked why I was back home and a few minutes later I looked through the window and saw him driving out with the lady .

He didn’t ask me not to tell my mum because she probably knew he was a cheat and he really didn’t care and that explains why a married man would bring another woman into his home and make love on his matrimonial bed .

I didn’t tell my mum about it because i didnt want another fight and I didn’t want to hear them argue all the time which always led to her getting hit .

That was the day my life changed , the day i started seeing my dad differently and the day i became a woman and a girl’s girl and also the day my Dad’s attitude towards me started to change and if I could go back in time —I would never have left school that day and would never have walked in on my dad naked and having sex with a woman who wasn’t my mummy .

My mum was an Emotional woman who felt every emotion deeply and it always hurt me to see her cry , whenever she fought with my dad , got hit or found out about his cheating scandals her heart always broke , she would cry , I have watched her cry to bed , cried while cooking , while doing my Assignments and also while making our hair even when tears weren’t coming I always knew she was holding the pieces of her hearts together.

After catching my dad I became closer to my mum and it was as if I could understand every pain she felt , I could understand all the time she over reacted to our mistakes , the times she kept nagging about things that didn’t even deserve nagging . She wasn’t a bitter woman. My mum was a work of art crafted for the most beautiful things but was bought by someone who didn’t know the worth of paintings , someone who kept her in the dark instead of hanging her in a room illuminated by multiple lights .

My sister never really got to understand the pain my mum went through because I grew up trying to cover things up for , my mum and I never failed to cover up for our dad in a way we could but eventually she knew that my mum was a victim but it didn’t affect her the way it affected me , she grew up wanting all the things my dad couldn’t give us , the attention, the validation , the care and I grew up believing that men could never offer what my dad couldn’t over because by nature they were never capable but at a stage society made me believe some things were unavoidable so decided to find my way around the things I wanted .

I remember asking my mum severally why she stayed with a man who was a cheat , a liar and and abuser and to make things worse he was never really responsible so at a point my mum will work to take care of our needs because she married a man who gave out his salaries to other ladies but his wife and her response was “ that’s how all men are and no marriage is perfect “ we use to argue a lot because to me it was about marriage it was about the man she married , because to me if a man ever loved you then he would never cheat on you but then she said the same thing she always had at the tip of her tong “men are poligamous in nature “ this has been her response whenever I called and complained to her about my husbands cheatings .

My mum used to say that since my husband was extremely rich , fed me , provided for me and bought me things then there was no reason to leave the marriage and now I just realized that it was all lies and bad advice. My mum has been projecting all that she knew on me and I have been buying it .