Alex~ I eventually do sleep wake up to the sound of keys clinking against each other, muted by the soft hum of Seth’s laptop fan. For a moment, I don’t move. The light slipping through the blinds is pale, washed‑out, and Seth is still asleep on his bed, one arm thrown over his eyes like he’s trying to block the day out. His chest rises and falls steadily, mouth slightly open. My body feels heavy, but not the kind of heavy that drags you under more like a strange, empty calm after a storm. I sit up slowly, rubbing my face, and the memories come back in quiet flashes. The way we both agreed, quietly, to stop whatever we were doing. I stand, grab my towel, and head to the bathroom. The mirror still shows too much, my hair is a mess, my eyes are shadowed but I don’t stare too long this time. I brush my teeth, rinse my face, and head back out just as Seth stirs. His voice is rough with sleep. “You’re up early.” I glance at him, shrugging. “Couldn’t sleep.” He props himself o
Alex~I lie on my back staring at the ceiling, the dim yellow glow from the streetlight cutting faint stripes across the room. My sheets are tangled around my legs and my phone is heavy in my hand, screen dark.It’s past midnight.Seth’s bed is still empty.I’ve scrolled through his contact a hundred times without typing a thing. My chest feels hollow, like someone’s scooped everything out and left me with just the echoes. Tracey’s voice keeps playing in my head—then why does it feel like you’re lying to me?The door handle turns and I flinch before I can help it.The door eases open and Seth steps inside, shutting it softly behind him. His hair’s damp like he showered at the gym, his hoodie sleeves pushed to his elbows. He looks tired in a way that goes deeper than practice—shoulders tight, mouth pressed in a line.He notices I’m awake and pauses in the low light. “Hey,” he says quietly, voice rough, like he hasn’t spoken in hours.I swallow. “Hey.”He sets his bag down by his bed.
Alex~I sit through the last few minutes of Media Theory with my pen tapping against the edge of my notebook.The sound is small, but it’s the only thing keeping me from thinking too hard.There’s a faint buzz in the room—not the normal low chatter, but something tighter, contained laughter that dies when I look up.Jordan leans closer, his shoulder brushing mine.He grins like he’s about to let me in on a secret. “So,” he murmurs under his breath, “we’re just not talking about it?”I glance at him, frown forming. “Talking about what?”He raises both brows. “You. Seth. The bar.”My pulse stutters. “What bar?”Jordan’s grin sharpens. “Oh, come on. Someone saw you guys leaving that queer place near campus Saturday night. Didn’t know you swung that way, man. Should I be congratulating you? Finally out?”My pen stills. “We weren’t… we didn’t…” The words jam together in my mouth. “It wasn’t like that.”Jordan studies my face for half a second, and his grin softens into something almost
Alex~ I don’t know what wakes me up, but when I do, I see Seth moving around quietly, pulling a hoodie over his head, shoving books into his bag. He notices I’m up but doesn’t say a thing.I risk a glance at him. His jaw’s tight, his eyes shadowed like he didn’t sleep either.“You good?” he asks finally, voice flat.“Yeah,” I say, though we both know I’m not.He slings his bag over his shoulder. “See you later.”The door closes behind him, leaving the room feeling like a shell.Class is worse than I expect.I slide into my usual seat in the back row. Jordan’s already there, headphones half-off, scribbling something in his notebook. He glances up, frowns.“Dude, you look like shit.”“Thanks,” I mutter, digging my laptop out.At first it feels normal—the low buzz of chatter, the shuffle of papers, the teacher not here yet. Then I notice it.A cluster of people three rows up glancing back at me, whispering behind their hands. A stifled laugh.I tell myself I’m imagining it.Then som
Alex~I sit on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands, staring at the floorboards because I can’t look anywhere else without remembering. Seth’s arm across me, his mouth on my skin, his face when I called it a mistake.He isn’t here. His bed is neatly made like no one even touched it. The hoodie he wore last night is gone. The whole room feels emptier than it should.I check my phone even though I know there’s nothing. No messages. Not from him. Not from anyone.I swipe through apps I don’t care about and then stop on Tracey’s contact. My thumb hovers over it.I have to fix this. I have to fix something.I type:Can we talk today? Please.She takes a while to reply, long enough that I think she won’t.Then:Fine. Cafe by the humanities building. 11am.I exhale shakily.The café smells like burnt coffee and old wood polish. I sit at the corner table, tapping my fingers against the paper cup. The steam curls into the air. I watch it instead of the door because watching the do
Alex~The bathroom mirror doesn’t help.I look wrecked. Lips a little swollen, faint marks on my throat, hair sticking out like I’ve been dragged through a storm. My pulse is still racing and I can still feel him on me and inside me and I press my hands against the sink because my knees want to give out.What the fuck did I just do? I ask myself for the, I don’t even know, time.I splash cold water over my face and it doesn’t fix anything.I dry my hands on the hoodie, step back into the room. Seth’s wide awake now, sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes. He looks at me, hair messy and his expression soft.“Hey,” he says, voice rough with sleep. “You okay?”I can’t even meet his eyes. “We… shouldn’t have done that.”He blinks, confused. “What?”“It—” I swallow hard. “Last night. It was… it was a mistake.”He goes very still. “A mistake?”The softness drains from his face. He sits up straighter, shoulders tense. “You’re calling that a mistake?”“I didn’t mean for it to…”