Alex doesn’t do complications, especially not the kind that come with a smoking hot, cocky, openly bi roommate who sleeps shirtless and looks like temptation personified. He’s straight and he has a girlfriend and sharing a dorm room with Seth Carter was never supposed to mean sharing anything else. But when one drunken mistake turns into an unforgettable night, the boundaries blur fast. Now Alex can’t stop thinking about the way Seth looks at him or the way he felt when Seth touched him like no one else ever has. Seth isn’t asking Alex to figure it all out. But he’s not about to play dirty little secret, either. And the more Alex tries to run from the truth, the more it hunts him down.
View MoreAlex~
“Miss, miss. I think you drop your purse.” I grimace under my hoodie but turn around to acknowledge the lady who speaks. She is short, just as short as I am, and has kind eyes — eyes that don’t quite work well enough to tell that I’m a guy. “Er, it’s a man bag. Not a purse.” Her recoil is devastating and satisfactory. I bend to pick up my now torn bag and check the hook that attaches it to my messenger bag — and find it broken. “Great, just everything works out as planned.” I groan, resuming my walk. The day is an absolute mess. First, I have a hard time locating my new apartment, the one I am lucky enough to find over the holidays after weeks of relentless searching. The guy who is to be my new roommate can’t give good enough directions to help me out, so with two bags too big for my lanky frame, I labor under the scorch of the sun to find the apartment. Thank heavens for small mercies. He isn’t around when I arrive, so his first impression of me isn’t a thin wimp who looks like a drenched goat. Taking advantage of his absence, I put myself in order. Pretty easy task since he already cleans up the house to the teeth. He is super neat, and the place smells great — that’s amazing since it means keeping a clean house won’t cause problems. I step out for lunch because I haven’t gotten groceries and plan on grocery shopping with my girlfriend Tracey when the weekend comes around. And now, my favorite bag just eats some dust. The surroundings of my new apartment are serene, away from all the noise of the city and pretty close to school. Christ knows I could do without the endless treks every school morning. I get back to my apartment and decide to take a nap on the couch, dressed up and all. I fall asleep hoping I will be up in time to welcome my new roommate and rank how smart he is by a simple conversation. I wake up to someone stroking me — minimal pressure but great pleasure. My hips, of their own accord, rise up to match the strokes before I remember myself. “You’re so eager one would think I haven’t been satisfying all your needs,” a baritone voice calls out huskily, waking me up completely from my slumber. The living room is dark with the only source of light the half-open window blinds — and there is a man stroking my cock. I have never been faster in my life to get off the couch. “What the fuck?” I yell, moving out of reach in search of my phone. Where is my fucking phone? I yell internally, rummaging through my bag on the center table. “Hey Leo, chill.” The voice speaks and every fiber of my body does everything but chill. The stops on their ends, pulsating, vibrating… “I’m not fucking Leo, I’m your roommate.” The light flicks on to reveal my roommate in all his glory. Buff with veined arms and a left arm filled with a tattoo sleeve, in a singlet and basketball shorts that have rent where his legs meet. A result of him strolling another man’s cock. Mine twitches in response to my thoughts. “Hey man, I’m so sorry. Didn’t realize you were the one. I thought you were Leo, my off and on fuck bud who has a spare key.” He says calmly, like he is trying to get an angry bull to realize he is making sense. “Apparently, or you would not have stroked me. Dude, I have a girlfriend…” I deadpan, irritation flowing through my entire being. “…and I’m straight.” I feel the need to clarify, just in case he and Leo are over and he decides I will be the next best thing to move on to. I don’t do men, I am into girls and I just land my first girlfriend and I am not about to screw that up. A laugh escapes his lips as he lifts both his hands in surrender. “Never said you weren’t. I’m bi myself, love asses in both sexes to be precise.” At his words, I color, embarrassingly so since I am supposed to show him that I am every bit of a man just like he is. I walk closer ignoring how frequently his eyes flicker to my zipper and stretch out a palm to my roommate. “I’m Alex.” Once again, I feel myself flush. My name is as feminine as any female’s name, and that is not good for me. “Hey Alex. I’m Seth.” He takes my palm and gives me a rough jerk that brings my knees to the couch. Something shines in his eyes and I block out my thoughts from trying to process it. Seth and I won’t last the semester — and without a fight or two, I can tell. “Never do that again,” I warn. “Why not?” He is exasperating. “Look bro,” I say ignoring his shot-up brows. “My girl’s coming over this evening to see the place and everything. I know you say you swing both ways, I would really appreciate if you turn down the charm a notch or two okay?” I say getting off the couch and setting myself right. He watches me intently, making me suddenly self-aware. “Why? You think I’m hot?” He asks bending to retrieve something from the floor. I immediately avert my eyes. “No. I mean, yeah, you’re attractive, like… dude you’re hot. You know it.” He suddenly stands with a basketball in hand and tosses it to me. I catch it, nearly missing it, and toss it back with all my strength and he catches it like it’s paper. I sigh. “I think you’re hot yourself. I totally want to stroke your cock again.” I cringe outwardly at his words. “Stop that dude, I’m not…” “Gay, I know. Calm down, I’m just teasing your balls.” My stupid mind mentally recalls his hands over me and I internally crumble. “Thanks,” I say in a small voice, immediately turning away and walking toward my room. My room which I unfortunately share with him. My girlfriend Tracey comes over that evening. I’m the only one in the living room so I go to welcome her while Seth prepares dinner. It’s his ‘I apologize for being myself’ meal, as he calls it. “Hey babeee,” Tracey greets cheerfully as I open the door to her smiling face, jeans low on her hips, Henley clinging to her figure. “Hey you,” I say. She chirps unintelligibly and jumps into my arms, planting a kiss on my smiling lips. “Get a fucking bedroom you guys,” Seth says from the background. Didn’t I beg this man? “Oh my God, is that Seth?” Tracey says, pulling away. She moves past me like I’m invisible, heading straight for him. I stiffen. I don’t ask how she knows him. I just pray she isn’t one of the notches on his bedpost.Alex~I do not know how long we stay like that on the sidewalk, with the night air wrapping around us like a second skin. My face is pressed into his jacket, and it smells faintly of laundry soap and underneath is something warmer, that makes me want to hold my breath just to keep it in.The cold creeps into my fingers, but I do not move because I do not want to. Seth’s chin rests on the top of my head, and every time he exhales, the warmth of his breath slips through my hair. His arms stay locked around me like if he loosens them, I might slide apart right there on the concrete.When he finally pulls back, it is not much, just enough to see my face, his brows drawn like he is still bracing for whatever comes next.“You good?” he asks quietly.It is a stupid question and we both know it, but the way he says it makes it less about the answer and more about letting me choose whether to talk at all.“Yeah,” I lie. My voice does not even try to make it sound convincing.His mouth tilts i
Alex~The rest of the presentations feel like background noise after mine. I sit through them, nodding when I am supposed to, pretending to listen while my mind keeps replaying the sound of the applause. How it had been hesitant at first, then stronger, how the professor’s voice had cut through the clapping with something that almost sounded like pride.But the other part of me keeps looping the sight of phones held up during my turn, tiny red dots blinking at me from the corners of the room. Recording, posting and sharing my words and my face already beyond my control.By the time class ends, my head is buzzing and my stomach feels tight, like i have just swallowed an elephant. I shove my stuff into my bag and slip out before anyone can try to talk to me, letting the chatter of the hallway drown me out.The air outside is brisk enough to sting and the cold is the kind that makes me tuck my chin down and walk faster towards home, warmth. I am halfway to the dorm when my phone starts
Alex~It’s the presentation day already and I am feeling super jittery.The room is already buzzing when I walk in. People are half-settled in their seats, chatting over the tops of laptops, chewing gum, shuffling slides. The projector hums quietly overhead, casting a faint glow over the front row. Jordan’s already there, naturally. He gives me a small nod, like we’re teammates passing the ball off mid-game, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to he already did the work. The editing, the stitching, the last-minute subtitle alignment. I’m just the one opening my mouth in front of thirty people.My mouth feels like it doesn’t belong to me and so does my arms. I clutch my bag too tightly and try not to look like I’m gripping it for stability. I finally sit down, watching the professor go through attendance with his usual half-hearted rhythm. His glasses keep slipping down his nose that he doesn’t bother fixing them anymore. I look down at my shaky hands, maybe I should’ve aske
Alex~To ‘cheer me up’ Seth invites me out, he doesn’t say where we’re going just glances at me from where he’s tying his boots, eyes flicking up beneath the curve of his lashes like he’s gauging if I’ll come willingly. Knowing he isn’t going to answer, I don’t ask, I just pull on my hoodie, even though the evening’s already warm, and follow him out.We don’t talk much as we cut across campus.As we walk, I feel like the weight between us has shifted again, it’s not exactly heavy. Just… full. I stay close to him as we walk, his hands brushes mine once, accidentally, but neither of us pulls away.By the time we cut through the side alley behind Leo’s building, I know where we’re headed.“Sneaky,” I murmur as he pulls out the key Leo left him ages ago. “Didn’t peg you for sentimental.”For some reason, despite knowing the past between him and Leo, I don’t even feel jealous.“Don’t give me too much credit,” he says, pushing the door open. “I just like the view.”We get in and climb up
Alex~I don’t expect the knock.It comes in the middle of a quiet Sunday afternoon where the clouds overhead are stilled and there’s barely a breeze outside, the clouds are the kind of gray that turns the dorm hallway into something hushed and suspended. Seth’s out running errands. I’m halfway through microwaving leftover rice, trying to force myself to eat something that isn’t dry cereal or cold Pop-Tarts.Then i hear it at the door two soft knocks, hesitant and careful.I pause with my hand on the microwave. I listen for a second, I just stand there, not moving, then I wipe my hands on a kitchen towel and head to the door, already assuming it’s someone from our floor who forgot their key card or another RA with a clipboard.Only when i open the door, it’s not either of these people, it’s Tracey.She’s wearing a green knit sweater I recognize, it’s one of the ones she used to wear on movie nights, the kind I once tugged off her shoulders with my teeth. Her hair’s down, her eyeliner
Alex~I wake up with the taste of his name still soft in my mouth and Seth’s arm slung low across his side of the bed he’s not touching me, but it’s close. I don’t know how the night ended exactly. At some point, his laugh had dissolved into sleep and I’d stayed awake, counting the rise and fall of his chest like it might explain something about my own.Outside, the morning filters in like it’s not sure it’s welcome. I blink into the low gray light and try to make peace with the ache in my chest not sadness just the weight of the incoming.Seth stirs, and I watch him blink himself awake slowly. His hair’s a mess and he stretches out on the bed, yawning like he owns the world then looks over at me and smiles.“Still here?” he asks, voice all scratchy and warm.I nod. “You snored.”He grins wider. “No, I did not.”“You did. Once just once and then you talked in your sleep.”“Oh no,” he groans, rubbing his face. “What did I say?”I hesitate, lips pulling into something between fond and
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