LOGINWillow Southfield, my wife, hated Luke Xavier, my childhood friend, the most. Luke hated her too. Whenever we met up, they would argue. Luke was half an hour late, and the first thing he said when he came through the door was, “Your makeup makes you look like you came straight out of a horror movie.” Willow threw his car keys into the ice bucket. “Fish them out and clear your mind.” My friends said that they were like oil and water, and I was always stuck between them, playing the peacemaker. Back then, we had been married for years, but we had no children. I told Willow that I was not in a hurry, but the idea of being childless hurt like a knife in my heart. Later, the doctors said that her fallopian tubes were blocked, and her chances of getting pregnant were slim to none. I was worried about her suffering from IVF, so I stopped our families from nagging at her to get pregnant. Meanwhile, Luke said to me, “Get a grip. You won’t be able to stay together for long if you’re childless. Just divorce her.” I was so mad that I nearly cut ties with him. But the next day, Willow approached me with an IVF form. With teary eyes, she said, “I’d like to try and have a child of our own.” On the day we learned that she was pregnant, I hugged her and cried. I thought that things would change for us. Then, three months later, Luke accidentally sent me a voice message while drunk. The voice was Willow’s. She sounded amused. “He touched my stomach today, and he looked so stupid.” “Did my baby kick him?” Luke asked in a whisper. When I finished listening to the voice message, I did not ask any questions. I just deleted the names that I had come up with for the baby.
View MoreTwo years later, I moved my photography studio to the entrance of an old street. An apricot tree stood right outside my door.Every spring, its branches burst into bloom.One day, I took a family photo for a young couple who were celebrating the birth of their one-month-old baby. The baby was tiny and was covered in a red blanket. He was crying so much that his face was all scrunched up. The father was flustered. “Mr. Stane, I don’t dare to hug him. I’m scared of hurting him.”I went over and taught him how to hold the baby’s back. “You can hold him steadier this way.”The man did as I taught him, but he was so nervous that his forehead was covered in sweat. “This is my first time being a dad. I still have a lot to learn.”I pressed on the shutter. When the camera flashed, I saw Willow standing outside. She wore a light gray trench coat, and her hair was slightly longer. A paper bag hung from her hands.She did not come in. I opened the door after the family left. “What
Seven months after Willow’s miscarriage, we finalized our divorce.She wore a black trench coat and sat across from me. Compared to the last time I saw her, she had grown even thinner. Her grip on the pen was so tight that her knuckles turned white.The courthouse clerk asked, “You’ve both gone through your cooling-off period. Are you sure you want to go through with the divorce?”“Yes,” I said. Willow stared at me. She was still trying to find some hesitation on my face, but there was none. She looked down. “Yes.”When we walked out of the courthouse, she handed me a leather envelope. “I sold the house. This is the transaction record.”I did not take it. “The lawyer has already divided our assets.”“I’m not dividing our assets,” she whispered. “I’m just returning what I owe to you.”I stared at her. “Willow, don’t use money to make up for your sins.”Her hands trembled, and the envelope fell to the floor. A stack of documents slipped out. There were the house sale cont
Willow stayed at the hotel across from my photography studio for three days. Not once did I accept the ginger tea and hot compresses she brought me. When I opened the door, I saw her standing at the roadside with a reservation form. The Mother and Child Center in town was working with me for a charity photoshoot for new parents. She must have seen the poster at the entrance. [Reserve your first family photo for your future baby.]Willow stared at the words on the poster and teared up. I stepped past her to open the door. “Samuel, can I help with something?” she whispered. “You don’t have to.”“I used to set up the lights and hand you the lenses.”I stared at her. “That was in the past.”Her hands trembled, and she stopped talking. The first pair of customers I had in the morning were a young couple. The wife was seven months pregnant and struggled to walk. The husband was flustered, unsure whether to support his wife. A thin sheen of sweat had broken out across
Willow finally found me in Northland two months after her miscarriage.That day, I was in a photography studio, taking a family portrait. The boy refused to look at the camera and was crying so much that his face was covered in snot and tears. I squatted down and put the camera on his neck. “Why don’t you take a photo of me?”He immediately stopped crying and clumsily clicked on the shutter. The camera flashed, and I smiled. Willow stood at the door. She was terribly thin and had cut her hair short. She held a paper bag in her hands. Her eyes were bloodshot, a clear sign that she had not slept along the way. When she saw me playing with the little boy, she stood still for a long time and shuffled in after the customers left. “Samuel…”I put my camera away. “What is it?”Willow put a paper bag on the table. “Your medicine. You have a knee injury, so you need to put a hot compress on your wounds during cold days.”I did not touch the bag. Her voice turned even softer.






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