Butterflyless

ELLE

“Hi, Elle. I know writing to you is weird but I can't keep it to myself any longer. I really do like you. I've liked you since fourth-grade but I just couldn't say it, not until now. I'd like you to be my girlfriend, if you don't mind.

~ Liam.” 

Cassie read the letter out. 

“What?!” She shrieked. 

“For goodness sake, Cassie. This is a  public space.” Already frustrated, I cried. 

“I'm sorry.” She winced as she placed the piece of paper on the table. “I just - I'm surprised! Liam Hayes, the class wizard, has liked you since fourth-grade. That's very - I don't know but what will you do?” 

My brows raised. “What will I do?”

“Yes—” 

She picked a slice of pizza. “What's going to happen to — this?” Her fingers pointed at the table - the piece of paper. “You're not going to leave him hanging, are you?” 

“If I knew what I'd do, I wouldn't show you.” 

“Really?” My best friend chuckled. 

“You keep forgetting we have rules, Elle.”

How could I forget?

“That aside, I think you should give it a try. Liam is a nice guy, you know. And he said he has liked you since fourth-grade.” 

“What does that even have to do with anything? Liking me since fourth-grade.” 

“Everything.” Cassie sat up. 

She looked around before facing me. “It tells how intentional about you he is, how he won't do anything to hurt you. And it's Liam, hellooo. Liam Hayes. Come on, Elle Bennett.” 

“I don't know, Cass.” I shrugged. “I don't know if you're right, but I don't feel good about it.” 

“Look.” 

I looked at her. 

“You've never had a boyfriend.” 

“Have you?” I asked. 

“Yes. Only once and you know about him.” 

“Right.” 

“What I'm saying is, you should give Liam a chance. Why? So you can have a taste of what relationships are like. Didn't you say you can't wait to be asked out by a boy? Well, finally, one is here and you cannot reject him. This is not because it's from any boy. It's from Liam, the same Liam Hayes we know. He's a gentleman, do you even realize that? And a book wizard - he gets to do our homework.” 

There was silence at our table. 

Other students moved about the cafeteria with plates and cups while I pondered. 

“Remember—” Cassie interrupted my thoughts. “This is not Jack or Billy, the class bullies. I'm never letting you go out with them if they ask you out. It's Liam.” 

Right, it's Liam. 

But I didn't even feel that way towards him. ‘That way’ was the least of the ways I would feel towards him in many years to come. Or maybe I wasn't sure - but right now, no. 

“I'm not - in love with him. I don't see him that way, Cassie. Do you now see my point?” 

“Yes, but these things happen. They just - come with time. You don't expect it to come immediately - all of a sudden. No, Elle.” 

Once again, she had a point. 

And for the last time, I thought about it. 

I didn't want this relationship, but Cassie says my feelings will come with time. 

And by the way, it's Liam Hayes, the class nerd and wizard - so many students would do anything to have him around. 

I was sixteen, with no boyfriend experience. This was an opportunity for me to find out what it looked like. Cassie would call it ‘exploring men’. “Fine! I'll accept.” 

“Good!” She groaned, picking up the letter. “He's such a romantic. Jack and Billy could never.” She resumed eating after handing back the piece of paper. “You should see him soon and talk things out, mm?” 

“Yeah, sure. When school is over.” 

“I'll tell you how to hold the conversation. Don't mess things up. I'll be waiting outside the class - meet me when you're done.” 

“Yes, ma'am.” 

When the bell rang and everyone ran out of the class, I stayed back. 

Everyone except Liam. 

He was busy packing up his books and arranging them into his bag when I called. 

“Hey, Liam.”

He looked up, adjusting his glasses as he looked in my direction. “Hi, Elle.” 

“Do you have a moment?” 

“Yes!” He dropped his bag and caught up with me. “Do you - you want to talk?” 

“Yes. You should take a seat.” 

In seconds, we were both settled - seated very close to each other. It was the first time in forever I'd sit this close with a boy. 

After Christian. 

“What did you want to talk about?” 

“Yeah.” I adjusted so that I could look at him. “I read your letter, Liam. I thought we should talk about it before tomorrow.” I shifted again, this time so I didn't see his face. “You said you have liked me since fourth-grade.” 

“Yes.” His tone was sharp. “I have.” 

“Wh—why didn't you say anything?” 

“We were younger. It was probably - infatuation. And when I knew it wasn't, I was scared to talk. Not until tenth-grade.” 

A smile came alive on my face. 

All this while, there was someone who liked me so much and I was bothered that I was never going to have a boyfriend. 

Now what? 

“Elle?” 

“Mm?” I looked at him. “I don't know. I just haven't done this before, but I am willing to give it a try with you, Liam.” 

He had a smile on. 

He was happy and I could tell. “Thank you.” 

“You're welcome.” Silence came next. 

“Does this mean you accept being my girlfriend?” He looked at me for the first time in a while. “And - we tell people?” 

“Yes, Liam. I accept being your girlfriend. People get to know about this relationship too.” I got up and picked up my bag. “Is there something else you'd like to say?” 

“No—no!” Liam jumped to his feet also. 

It was an awkward moment. While one part of me hoped I wasn't making a mistake, especially because I didn't feel a thing, the other part of me believed this wasn't a mistake. Cassie had given me points - reasons to accept to be his girlfriend, and I trusted her - everything she's ever said. 

“Thank you, Elle.” 

He looked around before facing me. “I'll see you in school tomorrow.” He walked over to his chair while he continued packing his books into his bag, and I hung my bag on my shoulder while I caught up with the door. 

As expected, Cassie was there. 

She rushed me as fast as she could. “Tell me about it already. Was it successful or not?” 

“You need to calm down—” I said with my teeth as I grabbed her with me. “You're going to make him uncomfortable if he hears you.” We rushed down the hallway, and when we reached the school compound, I let her go. 

“Tell me about it, Elle Bennett.” 

“I have a boyfriend.” 

“Yes! Yes!” My friend cried, hugging me. 

“You're never going to regret this.” 

Well, what if I did?