My Eternal Surrender

ZOVADA

Silk sheets, and warm, delicious pressure against my body as his fingers danced up my thigh. The wind caressed my flesh, the bed groaned beneath us while lips kissed the sensitive area of my collarbone--the spot where his mark should be, all weaponized toward sensory overload. I chuckled. “Well good morning…planning to finally mark me?”

A shudder went through his body as his husky voice replied, “Oh Goddess, how I wish.”

His fingers pushed my legs wider to accommodate his hips. He was nude, while I was dressed. Just like always, my rules of propriety hadn’t changed. Simon Parker was well aware that he was not getting inside of me until I bore his mark. Yet, he consistently tested those boundaries, and every single day my resilience waned further. My eyes fluttered to distract me from the thoughts. His hands explored the rest of my body reverently. 

 “I am not the one stopping you Si….” I whispered. My body tingled at his touch.

He perched on his knees to look down at me, his blue eyes sparkled. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

I blushed. “You’ve said that before.”

“Have I? I thought maybe you forgot.”

“I remember everything you have ever told me, Simon.”

Simon lowered his face to mine and kissed me deeply. “Everything?”

“Everything. Down to the day we first met and you promised to love and protect me for all our moons.”

Simon offered a nostalgic smile; he pressed his forehead to mine before his lips found mine again. “I can’t wait until you let me take you.”

“Mark me, and you can have all of me. I think I have waited long enough.”

He laughed. “You’ll be the death of me Zovada Sage. I don’t want to take you until I can properly wed you. You deserve a grand Luna ceremony before all of the pack.”

Something inside of me cracked. I don’t know if it was the laugh, or the sense of dread that something terrible was about to burst our cute little bubble. In that little slice of heaven, the only place in that pack house where we could just truly be..coldness oozed in, like a wintry draft you can’t quite locate in the walls. His hands spread up my arms like the chill that spread across my body until his hands clasped mine above my head. He buried his face in my neck as he inhaled my scent and teased the area that should bear his mark, unaware of the shift inside of me.

“For how much longer?” I whispered. 

He froze. “What did you say?”

I swallowed hard, usually, I never questioned him. My heart thundered in my chest, but I gathered my strength. “I said. How much longer should I wait?” My voice, despite the low octave, did not waver. It held a strength I did not recognize. 

Simon slowly lifted to his knees and stared down at me in confusion. He stared at me like he’d never seen me before. One of his eyes had turned the grey color of his Alpha wolf. 

“Zov. We’ve had this discussion.”

“Have we? Because you have been saying this for years. It’s always ‘later’, ‘we’ll do it later’and later never seems to come.” 

He drew in a deep breath. “Zov, what’s wrong? Why the sudden outburst?” 

“Sudden outburst? So easy to dismiss me?” 

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Do I? I feel like I don’t know anything anymore, because what it actually feels like is you are ashamed to have me as your mate.” 

Simon looked crushed the minute the words left my mouth but I narrowed my gaze at him. He released my wrists and pulled me into a sitting positon. He wrapped his arms around me as he hugged me tightly. I pushed back against him, unwilling to compromise and bend to his will as he pushed his soothing mate aura over me. “Have I neglected you too much lately? Tell me, what is going on?” 

I struggled against his hold, unable to match his strength and thus snuggled into him. “I have waited long enough. I am tired of hiding in the shadows. I am your mate. No one knows. I want to belong. What am I supposed to think? Tell me the truth. I am tired of guessing.”

“You just aren’t ready, Zovada.” 

“I am. Don’t tell me how I feel.” 

“I don’t mean your feelings. Your influence. Your….image. Your….”

“What?” I turned to look him in the eyes. A cold dread settled in my soul. 

“You need more power.” 

“Mark me and I will have it.” 

“That isn’t how this works. It isn’t that simple. You know the dynamics of pack politics. They expect someone who…”

There it was. The wound I’d fought so hard against my whole life. “Say it.” I replied. We both knew what it was. Those horrible words have identified with me since I came to this pack. No matter how much I did, how far I climbed, I could never outrun them. Wolfless. Orphan. Outsider. 

Simon laced our fingers as he caressed my cheek with the other hand, and pressed his forehead against mine.  “Zovada. You are my future Luna. No one can take that from you. Be reasonable. Have faith in me, in our bond. You deserve a grand Luna ceremony before all of the pack. Where I can properly wed you, introduce you as my mate, and give you the mark you deserve.”

 I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t care about any of that. I care about being yours. To love and protect for all our moons.” 

“For all of our moons. You are mine, Zovada.” He replied and kissed me gently. Despite my anger that still simmered, the passion ignited through the mate bond. We rolled over and I straddled him. My nightgown stretched across my body, and he groaned hungrily as he stared up at me. My red hair cascaded down my body, it looked striking against the white sheets. 

“Such a tease.”

I smirked. A tease? Let me show him what a tease truly is…

My hips pressed against his firm length. Slowly they ground into him as my fingers massaged down his chest and arms. HIs lips were feathery at first when mine connected, then they quickly became hungry, I gripped his hair in one hand and bit his lip.

He all but pushed me away, then bit his own lip before his fingers dug into my sides. “Zovada ... .careful.. I can’t promise I can stop if you keep teasing me like this…”

His eyes shifted between his human blue and the grey color of his alpha wolf again. My thoughts raced, Simon’s wolf, Oliver. We’ve always had a close bond. Realization struck me like lightning as I stared into those shifting grey eyes, he wanted to mark me.

Emboldened by Simon’s wolf’s attempted take over, I leaned in and whispered in his ear. “The only one stopping you…is you.” Then took the lobe into my mouth and bit it while I pushed my body into his like I was in heat.

His teeth elongated with a growl, his woodsy citrus bergamot scent permeated everything as he imprinted it on me. His mouth opened, ready to strike the marking spot, but then a knock on the door ripped us from the bubble we rebuilt around ourselves. 

“What!” he snapped and all but jumped off me. Oliver’s voice had layered over Simon’s, so I was right. A knot settled in my stomach as I stared at Simon’s hunched over form while he fought to regain control over himself. I could almost feel the pulse in my own veins, faint and distant. 

A disgusting saccharine voice seeped through the door and ripped me back to reality. “Simon dear, there is a… situation of sorts in the sitting room that requires your attention?”

If I had any hackles, they’d be raised against her presence, my mouth was already adjusted in a snarl without my knowledge. The mistress of Simon’s father. A trespasser in a sacred mating bond between Simon’s parents. A mistress playing house while the wife is bedridden, never ends well for anyone. 

“Why can’t my father handle it? I am busy?”

“He is meeting with a neighboring Alpha.”

He let out a growl of frustration for a moment. He chuckled  at me before he kissed my nose. “Adorable.”

I snarled at him before my mouth formed a pout. He shook his head and replied to Lisa. “I’ll be right there.”

She let out a sly chuckle. “There is also a surprise for you there, do hurry.” 

I growled again.

Simon rolled me onto my back and kissed me again. “Settle down, Zov.”

With a few deep breaths, I submitted to his calming alpha aura and snuggled into him. “Do you have to go?”

“Duty calls.”

He shook his head and padded to the closet on the other side of our suite. His muscles morphed and rippled while he pulled on a dressy but casual look that brought his bright blue eyes. He smirked and ran his fingers through his hair, he truly looked as though he should be on the cover of GQ. “How do I look?”

“Like I want to take a bite out of you.”

He chuckled and walked towards the door before he turned back to me. “Don’t forget the sales reports, and the accounting portfolios, not to mention the kitchen inventory for the Omegas. And the herbal research for Mother. Did you also return all the certified mails? The list of items for my father?”

I smiled brightly. “Yes. I also plan to visit the Luna Mother very soon.”

“I can always count on you, my sweet, reliable, Zov.” He nodded and walked out, the door clicked behind him. 

Loneliness crept in as I buried myself into the sheets for a moment, the door felt like the clanger of a prison cell. Why is Simon choosing to go against Oliver? Why won’t he mark me?I pressed a hand to my chest. My gaze settled on our wall of photos, the two of us together in many of them, but yet there were quite a few of them that the two of us had a third. A girl with hair so blonde it looked like she had the sun in her hair, her eyes so blue they looked like the sky–Regina. I stood up from the bed and walked over to one in the direct center of them all. 

I offered a sad smile, Simon was in the middle of us. I remembered that day too well. He stared at me like I was his whole world as he fussed over a flower crown that was stuck in my hair. I blushed and stared at him like we might kiss. Regina stood on the other side of him as she gazed at him like he hung the moon. It was the day of Luna Claudia’s birthday banquet, one of the last ones before she became ill and bedridden. Before everything changed.

That loneliness washed over me again as I hugged myself tightly and stared at the wall of photos, something I had never noticed before–just how much Regina was up there. 

Suddenly a voice carried through the air, Zovada… can you hear me? 

“Hello?” I asked and looked around the room. 

When met with silence that lonely silence once more, I shook my head and looked at the walls again. 

“We need new photos, immediately.”

The alarm on my phone snapped me out of my thoughts. “Shit! I need to get going.”