LOGINNadiaI slipped out of the hospital, no one paying me much attention. I started walking, no particular hurry, when a gleaming black car rolled up beside me. The window slid down, and Lord Aldous's face appeared, a warm smile creasing his weathered features."Nadia! Where are you headed?""The palace," I said. "I'm on my way to see Lyra.""Well, I'm headed the same way myself. Hop in."I climbed in and shut the door behind me. The interior smelled faintly of leather and pine."So how have you been, my girl?" he asked, pulling back into traffic."Busy," I said, and smiled. "You'd think working at the library would be quiet, but somehow it never is."He laughed. "Ah yes, the great peril of literacy. What is it this time, an uprising of overdue notices?""Worse. Someone tried to return a book with a sandwich pressed inside it as a bookmark."That drew a real laugh out of him, warm and easy. "A sandwich. Please tell me it was at least a good sandwich.""I have no idea. I was too busy tryin
NadiaMama rushed to Father's side, shoving past the nurses and doctors in her way. Their voices faded, replaced by the sound of my mother's weeping. Two female nurses tried to restrain her, but Mama fought them, tearing at the sheet draped over Father's still body."Let me go!" she screamed, pulling with all her might. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry!"A nurse, tall with curly brown hair, tried to grip Mama's arms. "Please, ma'am," she said firmly. "You can't disturb the body."Mama didn't seem to hear her. She kept pulling, kept crying, that terrible, rending wail pouring out of her. I could barely comprehend the words. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I should have stayed, I should have stayed."The sheet finally gave way, sliding from Father's body to the floor. Mama collapsed on top of him, her arms around his lifeless frame. She pressed her face to his chest, her thin shoulders heaving. "I'm so sorry, I should have stayed," she sobbed.I watched, unmoving.Mama's cries left me cold. A
NadiaThe smell of disinfectant and something bitter, like the burned popcorn the nurse station microwave always produced, hung in the air. I wanted to scrub it from my nostrils.I don't know how long I sat there, curled on the hard plastic chair, fingers pinched white from gripping the gurney rail. The metal made a soft complaint as I straightened my legs. Pins and needles prickled my thighs, biting like a swarm of wasps. I shifted, trying to shake them off, but they clung tenaciously.A sound, then: the squeak of wheels on a cart, somewhere behind me. One wheel needed oil, or a replacement, its protest rising and falling in an almost rhythmic melody.Then, as if some internal projector clicked on, I saw the room in full color. Gowned figures moved with precision, exchanging hushed words. My father's body, covered in a white sheet, lay still on the gurney. And there, one hand dangled from beneath the cover, its fingers curled gently.I stared at the hand, unmoving, transfixed. My fat
NadiaWhy do I always have to be the target of your anger? Why can't you just tell me what's really going on instead of guilting me? But I kept those thoughts locked down tight, saying nothing."I... it's fine," I finally said, hearing the exhaustion in my own voice.Lyra went quiet for a long moment. "Thank you," she said softly.I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "You're welcome." The words felt strange on my tongue, forced.There was another long pause before Lyra spoke again. "Will I see you soon?"I nodded, as if she could see me. "I'll come by before work tomorrow morning.""Okay..."We hung in the silence a moment longer, neither of us sure how to close this call. Finally, Lyra took a breath. "Goodnight, cupcake," she said, her voice tender. "I love you."Something about it felt off, and for a moment I couldn't quite place why. I was quiet a beat too long before responding. "I love you too."It was the truth, no matter how bad things had gotten in my own family. I couldn't imagine no
NadiaThe phone glowed on my bedside table the moment I sank into the mattress, its pale light cutting through the gloom. I was already on my feet, snatching it up almost instinctively. Lyra's name flared across the screen, and I froze. Speak of the devil.I stood there, watching the phone ring once, twice, before it finally stopped and Lyra's name faded to a missed call. I let the phone fall back onto the table and collapsed onto the bed.I loved Lyra, completely and utterly, but six days of silence had planted a seed of doubt in my mind. I'd begun to wonder if Lyra felt the same way about me. This last fight had been different, rawer than any before. We'd both said things we couldn't take back, things that laid bare the cracks in the facade we'd built around each other. And now the only way I knew she was still breathing was this call, missed because my hand had been too slow.I stared at her name until it blurred, my mind slipping back in time to another night. I'd been at Valdris
NadiaA long, vertical callus ran up my palm, the skin raised and thickened from holding a pen for hours on end. I stared at it, tracing the lines with my thumb, marveling at the way the crescent moon of my cuticle had grown out to meet it. It was an old habit, this fixation on minute details, and not the first time I'd lost myself in it. Mama called it distraction, Daddy called it a coping mechanism. I called it my sanity."You should have gone with them," he said.I glanced up reflexively, the sound of his voice cracking the spell. He stood as he ever did, rigid and straight, his hands clasped loosely in front of him. A thin line of blood had dried at the corner of his mouth. He didn't seem to notice it was still there.I sighed and turned to face him fully, taking in the haggard lines on his face, the tightness in his shoulders. He fell silent under my gaze, his eyes betraying none of what swirled beneath that impassive surface. I knew better than to take his lack of reaction for i
SeraNight fell fast, and with it, the temperature plummeted. We had three fires going, but the heat didn't seem to travel more than six inches past the flames. I sat on a log by the middle fire, pulling the wagon fur around my shoulders, shivering so hard my teeth were literally clicking together.
LyraShe ignored me. She dropped to her knees, her hands sliding down to the waistband of my trousers. She shoved her fingers inside the fabric, gripping my hips tight. With one sharp pull, she dragged the pants and my underwear down to my ankles. I stepped out of them, kicking my boots off in the
Lyra"Tell the girl to step into the room," he said."Leave her out of this," I said. My voice came out as a pathetic, raspy whisper. I cleared my throat, trying to find some spine. "She didn't do anything. It was my idea to come in here.""Tell her to step into the room," he said, his eyes going d
LyraThe voice didn't belong to Nadia. It didn't belong to me. It came from the metallic object resting directly behind my hip.Nadia froze. She pulled her mouth away from me and yanked her fingers out of my body. She stood up quickly, wiping her wet mouth with the back of her hand, her chest heavi







