My only boss

I was so in love with Thiago — with his way of walking and talking; his sweet and gentle voice. He was an elegant, polite gentleman, the man any woman dreams of having. Unexpectedly, I had met him while doing a photoshoot for one of my friends who works at his modeling agency. There, I learned that despite his arrogance, he would give work to anyone in need. It was only for that reason that he had taken pity on me. And even though I wasn't a professional photographer, he hired me whenever an opportunity arose. I fell in love with his green eyes that sometimes looked at me with desire and sadness — a gaze that haunted me every night when I thought about my humble and hardworking situation and his life as a millionaire businessman; two worlds so unequal.

I, on the other hand, was a simple twenty-four-year-old woman with a desire to find a man to share my chaotic and unstable life. I had just finished my degree in Business Administration, but the only thing that truly interested me was photography. Though, as my mother would say, that wouldn't provide a livelihood — and she was right. However, what obligations did I have? None, just myself, and that wasn't too complicated. With photography, at least I could afford a pair of heels I liked, treat myself to an ice cream, or buy gas for my little red motorcycle and cruise around the city, hoping to catch a glimpse of Thiago driving his Ferrari. That's how simple my life was, just like me.

He, on the other hand, was a thirty-year-old man with a completely stable life, an arrogant and slender wife who manipulated him with her victim scenes to get the only thing that mattered to her: money. The Siluetas modeling agency was one of the most famous in the city. Thiago also harbored selfishness and pride. I'm not sure why those were the things that attracted me to him. What truly hurt was knowing he was married to a woman who didn't love him. I had realized that five months ago, when he attended one of the fashion shows. I noticed the disdain in her eyes — my father used to say love shows through the eyes, and she was showing love for money. In the photos I managed to take of them, Thiago looked discontent, with a stern expression and a forced smile. Hers was even more feigned. Thinking about that was incredibly draining. It was June, and the rain covered the white walls of my room with dampness. I saw that the clock was already at seven in the morning, and I hadn't managed to sleep well. But I had to go to the Women's Health Clinic to receive the results of a medical checkup I had done the previous week due to the ongoing abdominal pains I was experiencing.

I hurried to get ready and set off on my motorcycle. During the journey, I did nothing but look around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Thiago. I even decided to pass by the avenue where his agency was located. I stopped by the gates, and through the window, I saw him walking with his imposing arrogance, his shiny sneakers, and his perfectly matched gray coat. He was searching for a book in the huge library that occupied half of his large office. I removed my helmet for a better view, but in my distraction, it fell to the ground. The sound caught his attention, and he looked in my direction. He opened the window and stared at me.

—"What are you doing here, young lady?"— he said, furrowing his brow. At that moment, I felt like my heart was about to leap out of my chest. I looked at him with the eyes of a lamb, hoping for mercy. But my nervousness incapacitated me. I tried to put together the words to respond.

—"I wanted to know if there's any work for me,"— I replied, trying to avoid his gaze that tormented me, as he continued to look at me as if I were a strange creature.

—"When there is, we'll call you,"— he responded, his annoyed voice strangely tender. —"You're interrupting me. I have many matters to attend to, and I'm wasting my time,"— he added. My face turned red with embarrassment. I didn't know what else to say. My presence there was uncomfortable, but what made it worse was that he had caught me staring at him, utterly ridiculous. In truth, I wished the ground would swallow me.

I turned away without looking at him. I only heard the sound of the windows closing. Then I realized that people were watching me. Some of the employees had come out for lunch and had witnessed that pathetic moment. Their sardonic laughter felt like a wind pushing me toward my bike. I started it immediately and continued on my way, hating myself for going there. However, every ridicule had been worth it because my eyes had seen his eyes, and my ears had heard his wonderful voice. I couldn't bear that embarrassing moment alone, so I went to find my friend Laura. She accompanied me to the clinic. Along the way, we did nothing but laugh about what had happened — about Thiago's expression and my incompetence at spying on him. I felt foolish, like a love-struck teenager.

The laughter and the image of Thiago disappeared when a nurse approached me with the results.

—"Congratulations; you're pregnant,"— she said abruptly, as if it were something to be joyful about.

—"Pregnant?"— I asked, furrowing my brow.

—"Yes,"— she confirmed, surprised.

—"You're mistaken,"— I shouted. —"I haven't been in a relationship for six months."— "No!"— I cried, gripping my hair in anger. —"This can't be happening to me!"

I sat on the floor overwhelmed by the immense despair I felt. The nurse could only stare at me. Then I remembered that on the day of my appointment, the clinic had been crowded with patients, and the doctor I had agreed to see wasn't there. So, another doctor had attended to me.

—"This is a terrible mistake,"— I argued, with my voice breaking. Laura helped me up and gave me water to try to calm me down.

—"Repeat the tests,"— Laura demanded. Hearing her words, I felt my soul returning to my body. It must be just a mistake, I thought. I took a deep breath, telling myself that a child at this moment was far from pleasant. However, despite everything, the hope of someday falling in love with Thiago hadn't died within me.

The nurse led me to another room and took a blood sample to verify that result. She told me to wait for two hours. Physically, I didn't move from that waiting room, but mentally, I was wandering into a future that now seemed uncertain. Laura tried to console me, but I couldn't suppress the urge to cry. She knew that my main concern was becoming a woman who could match Thiago's stature, and an unexpected pregnancy would ruin any kind of plan I had. After some time, the woman appeared again.

—"You're pregnant due to In Vitro,"— she clarified. —"You came here for it."

—"No,"— I shouted again, grabbing the envelope with the result. —"I came for a general checkup because of abdominal pain,"— I clarified. —"This has to be a fatal mistake,"— I said, crying.

I demanded that they search for my file, and upon reviewing it, I realized that they had actually made a mistake due to a mix-up with the records. The nurse explained that on that day, due to internal problems at the clinic, she had accidentally switched records with another nurse, and all the files had gotten mixed up. In her haste, she didn't bother to double-check, and since the doctor was a substitute, he wasn't aware either. This only reinforced the one truth: I was pregnant due to In Vitro.

I felt my legs trembling, my heart pounding, and my head in a tumultuous turmoil where only the image of Thiago and me being pregnant crossed my mind. I did my best not to collapse and die right there. I didn't know how to react to such a tragedy, and neither did my friend. She just held me tightly as I touched my sweaty forehead. The nurse was trembling with fear too.

—"I'll have to report them,"— I said in a very low voice.

—"Let's go right now,"— Laura confirmed.

—"Ma'am, wait,"— I heard the nurse say, but I continued on my path. After all, there was nothing more I could do.

The sound of the motorcycle only reminded me of my tragedy. Laura didn't say anything. The silence, filled with noise, was terrifying. I didn't even dare to look at the street where the modeling agency was. I knew I was crying, and the wind covered my face, but I didn't feel it. It was like agonizing while knowing that death had already arrived. I was thinking about how I would explain this to my parents, even though they didn't even live with me, or simply where I would find the strength to face Thiago again.