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Chapter 8: Loser Like Me
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Not Like Me Chapter 9: From A to Z
A week goes by. Three more days and the start of my junior year will commence. I'm not the sort of girl who wants to fall in love with two boys. I am pretending with Aiden Buckland. He makes my breath stop. But he's not the one for me. We have only been on one date so far. The parameters of our dating seem endless. I think he wants to go to all the bases with me. He's a guy, so it must be true. My parents would flip knowing my plans. Little tomboy Ash is turning into somebody. I hope all the nobodies notice me. I notice them. My phone buzzes and beeps. It's Aiden. Aiden: Hey you. Me: Hey.Aiden: We haven't been on a date in a while. Want to get food? Me: Sure. Pizza? Aiden: Always. How's 6:30? Me: Sounds good. Aiden: Want to go to my soccer game? Me: When? Aiden: Tomorrow at 7? Me: Sure. Aiden: There will be lots of people there. You can wear one of my hoodies if you'd like. Me: Aww, sure. Aiden: ByeMe: Bye. My insides are mourning. Wishing deep down that these texts we
Not Like Me Chapter 10: Pretend or Real?
Zander Hogan's text message beeps on my bed. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm torn between two boys. I am excited to be with Aiden. Our date involves food. I like watching him eat. The sweat pours from his body when he eats. I lust after Aiden. I know I do. All the girls fond over the Adonis that he is. He is chiseled in stone. The gods handcraft him. I decide to put on one of my mom's sundresses. I'm still avoiding Brit. Aiden is my surprise. I am excited to have a surprise to show everyone. He will be a great asset to my womanhood. I sound like a tool again. Now I'm the man-eater. And damn, it feels good to be shallow and lusted after for once. Aiden needs a girl on his arm. And now I'm that girl-the product of lust and longing. So, Aiden, here I come. The sundress stretches and is hot. It's blue with stars. My red hair bounces on my shoulders. Dresses are not like me. Only when I danced ballet did I dress up. Now I am lost in the void of womanhood. I don't know who I a
Not Like Me Chapter 11: Show Must Go On
Aiden Buckland and I are getting serious. Too serious, if you ask me. It's not that I don't like him. He is a kind young man. And I love that about him. But I need to stick to the plan, the plan to be as fake as make-up.Make-up is shallow for the faint of heart. I never wanted to be a shallow girl. And yet, here I am, being as shallow as the cheerleaders. The first day of school is upon us. And I feel my legs fill with jelly at the thought. Being jelly is disturbing. Jelly is weak. Jelly floats on the surface of shallow waters. I feel the shallowness within me. I put my regular outfit on. The one I always put on. It feels flirty this time, flirty, fake, and forced. Feeling girly is not like me. I haven't been me in ages. Ever since I considered joining ballet again, I have felt girly. Barf. Gag. Vomit. Spew. Aiden Buckland's fancy car pulls into my driveway. His blonde locks are flowing again. His light brown eyes find mine. I like hanging out with him. Even if we are only friends
Not Like Me Chapter 12: Possibly Forever
I feel bad about Zander. I didn't want to make him sad. I didn't want to make him cry. I am not one-hundred percent certain; he did cry. But I did. I want to imagine we are empaths. Our emotions are cousins, and we can feel each other's pain. I know that that's not the case, though. The first bell rings. Zander isn't in homeroom. I see him drive away from the second-story window. I must have hit a nerve. Sorry Zander, but I don't remember you asking me out. And Brit would hate me. Leslie Thompson sits down next to me."That was so savage."I am a bit startled by her comment. Is she talking to me? "Excuse me?" I ask. I fold my hands on my desk. "You and Aiden Buckland. Damn, I never thought he'd choose someone like you."She glances at me up and down. I know I am not good enough. I'm the ugly duckling being interviewed by a swan. Swans are bitches. They are beautiful and meaningful. "If you're trying to scare me, you can fuck off," I snap. "Whatever, watch yourself. Once Aiden is
Not Like Me Chapter 13: Facing the Truth
I give Zander all the space he needs. Space is the best medicine. He's put a boundary around me, and it's for the best. Brittany finds me after school. "So, you're dating Aiden? Spill."I hate that I have to tell her everything. It's at this moment when I realize I don't want to be friends with Brittany anymore. Being best friends with a control freak is wicked hard. I want a new friend. "Yeah, I almost ran him over with my car at the mall a little while ago. We ended up going on a date, and it just took off from there.""Well, it's about time. I'm glad to hear it. For a moment, I thought you were trying to date Zander. You know, when I found you in his room." "Brit, you ditched me to have sex with Kyle. Zander offered to watch some guy movie with me. But yeah, Aiden and I are a thing now.""Well, I'm glad you and Zander didn't happen. Then you and I couldn't be friends anymore."I don't understand her backward logic. I want to understand where this terrible idea stems from. What i
Not Like Me Chapter 14: Stephanie Returns
The backwoods have always been my safe place. After a hunt with my dad, I would come here and relax. It was the best place on earth to be...to calm and chill. I remember cleaning my gun on that bench. Zander sits down on my sacred bench. I'm not sure how to feel. The pretense of Aiden and I was all a con to get Zander's attention. I fear Aiden will want it to go on for longer than a week or two. Aiden and I have gone on a few dates these last few weeks. And I have enjoyed it. I have enjoyed eating food and laughing with him. I have enjoyed his company. It's been more than pretense at times. But now that I have Zander's attention, I don't know what the fuck to do. "Why am I here, Zander?" I know it's stupid to ask. I'm the one who wanted to chat with him in the first place. I'm the one who wanted Zander to hold me forever. I fell into the arms of another man to get to this conversation in the woods. Well played, Ashley..."I think you know."His eyes look at me the way they did thi
Not Like Me Chapter 15: Aiden's Game
It's good to be around Steph. She's a breath of fresh air. She's more like me than Brit ever will be. I'm the tomboy, and Steph is the punk. She's almost goth without being emo about it. She still wears all black and has her hair straight down her back. As we get in my car, I see the purple and red streaks in her hair. She has a spider web tattoo on her wrist. I'm sure it's real. Her mother was always into letting Steph do whatever she wants to her body. "So tell me about Aiden?" "Well, he's a hot soccer player now. His hair is curly and blonde. He's tall. He's sexy.'"Gross. I get the picture.""Steph, there's a lot I need to tell you. Could you and I have a sleepover this weekend?" "Sure, will Brit be there?" "No, just you. I want one with just you. Brit knows all about boring old me.""Is there something going on that you don't want her to know about?""Well...." I don't even bother finishing that sentence. "Got it. Sure, I can come over, just like old times. You always did k
Not Like Me Chapter 16: A Little Bit Longer
In life, we all have roles to play. Lover, musician, teacher, athlete, daughter, son, or friend. We all have a story in this wonderful thing called life. There are many paths to take, many what-ifs to follow. And sometimes not enough reason to go on. My life is a path with a two-way fork in the middle. The trail for Aiden is straight, predictable, and as clear as glass. The path for Zander is covered by thornbushes, with twists and turns in the road. Zander gave me a choice. It's time I talk to Aiden. But first, I need to be a good friend and be there for Brittany. I've always been there for her. I wish she could be there for me. Stephanie Burnham coming back into my life was no accident. It was fate intervening on my behalf. Steph and I get out of the car. We knock on the Hogan's large door. Mrs. Hogan answers. Luckily, it's a Friday night. I'm sure a sleepover is in my future. I wanted a sleepover with just Steph. Unfortunately, Kyle had to break up with Brit at the worst possibl
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