CHAPTER 4

“Your silence is really scaring me, you know?”

But I still didn't get an answer.

"Come on, Livie, you haven't spoken to me in twenty minutes.” I kept insisting.

Livie had arrived about forty minutes ago, half of which had been silent after I told her what had happened.

She had only stayed lying on bed and since then she had only dedicated herself to looking at me, an action that made my hair stand on end so I had moved away from her until I ended up with my back leaning against the wall in front of the bed, waiting for an execution order to be issued against me.

"Well.” I continued saying when I didn't get a response "I'll go and make something for dinner.” I headed for the door.

"If you move.” Livie finally said "I swear I'll throw you a shoe, Richard Marcus Sanders.”

"Come on, Livie, you know it's not my fault, I have no way out, do you think I'd rather work that day than spend it with you?” I asked, sitting at the end of the bed.

“It's just not fair, Marky!” She exclaimed sitting down next to me. "Stupid Samuel! Couldn't he get sick until Friday? I hate it...”

"Livie.” I tried to talk without showing my amusement, "I don't even know that boy to insult him.”

“I don’t care!” She answered in the middle of her tantrum, "he's stupid and I hate him! Couldn't one of your teammates cover you?”

“You think I didn't ask them?” I blew out the air abruptly “Nick has to visit his grandmother and Samantha has a Ballet performance, I did what I could, darling.” I said, putting an arm around her shoulders “besides, it's all your fault, you know?”

“My fault?” She repeated confused, "how can it be my fault that you work that day?"

"Because thanks to my personal trainer’s wonderful idea​​.” I looked at her accusingly, "I was fifteen minutes late, which Mr. Fitcher used against me.”

But instead of arguing with me, Livie just stared at me disapprovingly.

“Did it take you thirty minutes to get to work when that route is not even fifteen?”

"That's not the point of all this.” I said quickly "the point is that thanks to your brilliant idea I won't be able to be with you that day, but.” I spoke again before I opened my mouth, "Mr. Fitcher said he would give me two days off so...”

"So...”   she prompted expectantly.

“Well, Nick's family has a house in Santa Monica and well, he told me if I wanted, he could lend it to me the next week and...”

“WHAT?!” She yelled before she continued speaking. "Really?"

“Of course I’m serious, woman! What liar do you take me for?” I said, pretending to be offended.

“Marky!” Livie exclaimed throwing herself into my arms “that's great! Oh, God, oh, God” she was elated until she seemed to remember something “oh, God” she said now less excited.

“What's up Livie?” I asked worried.

"It's just... Mark, my dad won't let me go alone with you no matter how much he trusts in you.” She said.

"Don't worry about that.” I stated with a self-satisfied smile.

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean.'' I started by saying “as soon as Nick made the offer to me, I spoke with your father and although at first he didn’t agree, in the end thanks to my powers of my self-conviction, I managed to persuade him and let us go '' Livie gave another enthusiastic cry that made me laugh “but there's a condition, sweetie.”

“And that condition is...?” she prompted me to keep talking when I stayed silent.

I shook my head coming out of my stupor, I had lost myself in her gaze, I swore that whenever I saw her with such joy, I’d get lost in her eyes.

"Well... he said that, if you went, we would take the whole load with us.” seeing that she didn't understand, I continued, "Your brothers Livie, we have to take your brothers with us.”

"And I imagine you accepted.” she said, holding back the emotion, the truth is that I got along very well with Livie's brothers, although Jacob, the oldest, had started college last year and I didn't see him as much as before.

“You imagine well, darling, because...”

I could not continue because Livie had released a new cry giving me a hug in turn which, from the impression of it, made me fall backwards onto the bed taking her with me.

“What is happening here?” Asked my mother entering the room. "Are you arguing again?"

"I was just explaining her gift to Livie, Mom.” I stated sitting down again.

"It must be the size of the building for the magnitude of the scream.” she said amused.

Shit, I hadn't said anything to Mom yet, so I started to change the subject, but before any words were out of my mouth, Livie came forward going towards my mother with little jumps along the way.

"Mark already told me about the trip Gloria, is no wonder, don't you think?"

“What trip?” She asked curiously.

From one moment to another the happy Livie had become Emily Rose's double, turning her neck almost one hundred and eighty degrees. If I wasn’t already nervous for my mother's reaction, I’d have found that act very funny.”

“She doesn’t know?” Livie said accusingly.

"No.” I replied swallowing.

“What trip, Richard Marcus Sanders?” Mom asked again.

Double shit, they had called me by my name twice in a space of forty minutes, this was a new record.

“Well, you see, dear mother.'' I began persuasively “as you well know, Olivia’s birthday’s on Saturday and because I have to work I won't be able to be there, therefore, I proposed her to go to Santa Monica next week and spend the weekend there, and before you ask” I kept saying quickly when I saw her intention to interrupt “I spoke with his father and he said he was fine, but that we would be accompanied by her brothers.”

“Really?” She asked, surprised.

"Yes, Gloria.” Livie responded excitedly.

"Okay, but... what about school?” She asked raising an eyebrow “You can't be missing classes if you're ending...”

“We would only be absent on Friday, plus the final tests have not yet started and the only thing awaiting would be the math tutorials and I can tell my student to change them to any other day.”

"And I’d just leave a language workshop awaiting.” Livie explained "but I can ask my teacher if I can present is before”

"Well.” she said, not quite convinced yet, "and when would you leave?"

Mom was certainly a fan of questions...

"We would leave on Thursday after work.” I explained, "Livie and her brothers would be waiting for me and...”   I said anticipating another question, "we would be returning on Sunday at noon to avoid traffic.”

Surprisingly, my mother didn't ask any more questions, she just gave us a strange smile which Livie had returned and I just looked at them strangely… it actually scared me.

"Well, I hope you have a great time and bring me something nice.” Mom was the best even though she was as questioning as she was.

"That’s for sure Gloria.” Livie said jumping up again. "Well, I better go.” she said, stopping the jumping and heading to the bed to proceed to put on her shoes.

"See you tomorrow, darling.” my mother said, leaving the room and leaving us alone again.

When Livie finished putting on her shoes she came over to hug me tightly.

"It was the best birthday surprise you could have given me, Marky.” she whispered in my ear.

"Well, it'll be even better when the surprise comes true, Livie.” I whispered back to her, she broke away after kissing me on the cheek and walked through the hallway with me behind her.

"I doubt that I’d sleep tonight.” she said, reaching the front door, I just looked at her smiling "Well... Goodbye Marky and thanks again.” and with that she closed the door leaving me staring at it.

“When are you going to tell her how you feel about her, darling?” Mom asked leaning against the kitchen counter.

 She was the only one who knew what Livie meant to me.

"Possibly never, Mom.” I replied, turning to look at her face.

"I didn't raise a coward, Marcus.” She scolded staring at me.

"It's not cowardice.” I replied, knowing I sounded defensive.

"Scared then.” She expressed instead.

“It's the same, but with a different name, mom” I looked at her with amusement, but when I saw that she wasn't daunted, I had no choice but to be honest “Okay fine. Yes, it’s fear, I’m afraid things will change, afraid that I’ll lose the only thing she offers me: her friendship, and I’m afraid that she will make fun of my feelings.

"You'd be surprised what that girl can say to you when you take that step, son.” she answered mysteriously.

Did she know something that I was ignoring?

"No, Mom. I’m not what Livie wants.”

“If you don't ask her what she wants, you'll always make assumptions, Marcus.”

"Well, what you can be sure of is that my feelings will stay like this, with me.” with that I headed back to my room.

"Marcus.” She called me, making me stop, but I didn’t turn around, “Fearing the unknown is totally normal, what is not normal is that you let yourself be bent by it. If you don’t face it, you will always live with the doubt of what would have happened if.”

"Thanks for the advice mom, good night.”

And without further ado I locked myself in my room with my head made a mess. Apparently Livie would not be the only one who wouldn’t sleep that night, although she’d be exulting with happiness and I’d be full of conflict.

She’d be daydreaming about the trip, I’d be having nightmares about her telling me that she loved me, but only as a friend.

Life definitely sucks.