Once up on an Us

"Yes, mother, I'm leaving school now," I said into my phone then flip it shut.

I look up at the stone building of St Augustine, the most prestigious boarding school for girls. It is now the first day of summer, and no, I will not miss school, but I will miss my best friend and roommate. Christine Smirnoff, one of the nicest people I know.

I feel bad that I only get to see her during school days, but I guess that's what makes our friendship so strong and we always have wonderful stories to share after the break was over.

"Royal-Reign." The driver to my limo nod, before opening the door for me.

"Thank you, Andrew." I smiled at him.

"Your parents said to bring you straight to the mall. They have a surprise for you."

"Will my little brother be there as well?"

"He is already there with them."

"Lovely."

I sat back in my seat, watching the trees and buildings blur by, smiling at the surprise my parents had for me.

"Can you turn the radio up, please?" I ask, after hearing a song that I enjoyed coming on.

But a breaking news interrupted the music.

(I am live at the Frankfield mall-) the news announcer was cut off.

I smiled to myself, thinking that it was because of the presence of my parents that was causing the excitement.

(It started with a mass shooting, but several booms exploded, causing a section of the mall to collapse.) The announcer rushed when he came back on.

My heart skipped a beat.

(The local authorities doubt that there are any survivors and are urging everyone on the outside to leave. This is now ground zero.)

There was another loud explosion, cutting off whatever else the announcer had to say.

I must have fainted, because when I wake again, I am in a white room strapped down to a bed. With a woman in a white lab coat asking if I know where I am.

(Life comes at you when you least expect it to. It's like a rush or a blur of how it all happens. Leaving you in a daze if you are not strong enough, but in the end, you either come out stronger than before or maybe even more messed up in the head.)

With me, I don't know which I am. Unstable on most days, ok on some. I could be better, but this cruel thing called life had not been so kind to me.

It had this hilarious way of holding my hand and letting me go when I need guidance the most. But it was up to me to either turn back, keep going, or stay exactly where I was.

"Can you untie me?"

(Are they allowed to do such thing? I'm only thirteen and never have I been treated like this.)

"I'll get the doctor."

****

I don't know what to do. I know I should go on, but I just don't know how. It's like I have forgotten how to walk.

(Never did I think I would be left alone, no family, hardly any friends. In a world so cold, life had taken all that I knew, leaving me stuck in this place. I felt lost, both mentally, emotionally, and physically.)

(One day I was doing ok, happy and smiling, enjoying life and had it all planned out. The next, it all came crashing down like a house of cards.)

(I don't even think I can go back to that school or house. The memories that they hold are just too much, too painful, too lonely.)

As I stood at my parents' and brother grave side, no tears came to my eyes. 

(It was like I was an empty shell, just a skeleton of the person I once was.)

I know they didn't want this for me. I know they would want me to keep going, to keep their business alive.

(But how can I?)

"Royal-Reign," a gentle voice called.

I turned my brown eyes to the pudgy man, that was standing behind me.

"It's time for the reading of the will." He said.

I already know how this will go. I'm their only child that was alive, and I don't know of any family. I already know that everything will be left to me.

I gave a nod, following him to where a sliver car was waiting. He opened the passenger side for me and wait until I clumsily got in, before he entered the car as well.

He drove slowly and cautiously back to the city, neither of us saying a word.

(But what was there to say?)

I leant my head on the window, watching the World rush by.

I tried to fight off the feeling but yet, it still came, just like it did when I was in that hospital room, just like it did two days ago.

My breathing came out in short, deep breaths. I could feel my chest tightening, my head pounded, until I couldn't hold it in anymore.

My panic attack, my anxiety, my depression. Everything was hitting me at once.

I must have blocked out, because now that I'm awake, I find myself in a room with bright lights, strapped down to a bed with a nurse changing my IV.

Just like that day, and I know what was to come.

They will deem me unstable, say I won't have any access to my inheritance until I'm myself again.

(But what was I like before this?)

(I hardly remembered what I looked like.)

(Was my hair still red and down to my waist?)

(Was my lips still bow shaped and naturally pink?)

(Was my skin still fair and free of any blemishes?)

(Or maybe I had aged, appearing older than I really am.)

(Maybe my face was no longer heart shaped, but long and filled with wrinkles.)

(What was life?)

(Was I me?)