I never got myself in trouble before. Maingat akong tao kaya kampante ako sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay. Hindi rin ako sanay na pinapahiya ang sarili. I know how to get out of situations. I am that smart, as my Mom would say. Pero lately, parang gusto ko na lang ikahiya ang buong pagkatao ko.
Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong nakatingin kay Zandrey na nasa harapan ko ngayon. I can see him suppressing a grin kaya mas lalo akong nahihiya. Gusto ko na lang magpalamon sa lupa at this very moment.
Kung kanina ay malakas na ang tibok ng puso ko, ngayon ay mas lalo pang lumakas.
Ngayon pa naisipan ng utak kong tumigil sa pag-function.
"Are you okay?" Tanong niya.
Alam kong alam niya ano ang sagot sa tanong niya sa akin. Kaya hindi ako sumagot saka tumayo na lang nang maayos. I tried looking away. I can't keep on looking at him when he looks so amused. Mas lalo lang akong nahihiya.
I heard him chuckled. "Kumain ka na?" He asked.
"I was going to," sagot ko na lang. "Nakuha mo na ID mo?" Tanong ko. This is me trying to change the topic.
"Yeah. Thank you," he replied. I tried to look at him but I quickly looked away. "Although I was hoping I'd see you."
Because of what he said, agad akong napatingin sa kanya with knitted brows.
Sinasabi ng taong 'to?
Upon seeing the reaction on my face, he laughed. Heto na naman ang manly na tawa niya.
"I was just kidding," he added. "Pa-lunch na rin ako. Gusto mo sabay na tayo?"
First of all, iniiwasan ko nga siya. So bakit ako sasabay?
I was about to reply when I heard someone call my name.
Isa pa 'tong nagpatigil na naman sa utak kong mag-function. Seriously, when is he gonna stop?
Nilingon ko si Charles and I saw him looking at Zandrey. Nalipat naman ang tingin ko kay Zandrey and saw him also looking at Charles. None of them spoke a word.
"Charles," I began. "This is Zandrey... friend ko?" I added. I wasn't sure about the friend pero iyon pa rin ang sinabi ko. I looked at Zandrey and saw him looking at me now with a suppressed smile. "And Zandrey, this is Charles."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ipinakilala ko pa sila. Mukha naman silang walang planong makipagkaibigan sa isa't-isa. But still, I thought it was some courtesy.
"Nice meeting you, Bro," I heard Zandrey said as he offered his hand to Charles. Tinanggap naman iyon ni Charles.
But why do I feel like it was the most awkward shake hands ever?
When they stopped shaking hands, Charles faces me. "Are you free tonight?"
Putangina. Akala ko makakatakas na 'ko sa sitwasyon ko with Zandrey, pero dumagdag naman itong si Charles.
"I was just hoping if I can take you out tonight? One of my fratmate's having a party. Baka lang gusto mong sumama," he said with a smile.
I'm really not sure about Charles' intentions toward me. Sinubukan ko naman siyang kilalanin and when I realized there's really nothing, I rejected him nicely. Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ay kung bakit aya pa rin siya nang aya kahit ayoko naman talaga. I already explained that to him. Pero mukhang bingi siya sa mga paliwanag ko. He's still here, still asking me out, still approaching me like this. And this is making me uncomfortable.
"Uhh, actually we're going somewhere tonight," Zandrey butted in. Mabilis akong napatingin sa kanya with a question mark on my face. Pero hindi niya iyon pinansin.
"Is that right?" Charles asked. Nabalik ko iyong tingin sa kanya.
"Yeah, I'm sorry," I just answered.
"Too bad," he murmured. "Next time, then," he added. "I'll go now, Ai. I guess I'll see you around?"
I faked a smile at him, willing him to go. And hopefully, he did go.
Mabilis kong nilingon si Zandrey. "What was that? Wala naman tayong lakad. You didn't ask me and even if you did, I would say no," I mumbled continuously.
"I saw the discomfort on your face," he answered.
"Ha?"
"When that guy asked you, I saw the discomfort on your face. Like you were pressured on answering him. I just thought ayaw mong sumama and you just didn't know how to decline," he explained. I can't believe he read me well.
I expelled a sigh and looked up to him. Ang tangkad niya kasi. "Thank you," I just said and tried to smile at him.
"No problem," he replied. "So what about lunch?"
I felt like I owe him something kaya pumayag na lang ako. Medyo nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng hiya sa kanya dahil sa mga nangyari from last time and kanina, but I feel like I was slowly warming up to him. And somehow, I'm starting to feel comfortable with him.
"So what's the deal with that guy?" He asked when we started walking towards the student center.
"Si Charles? Nanliligaw sa akin. Binasted ko na, but I don't know bakit lapit pa rin nang lapit sa akin," I answered.
Zandrey chuckled. "He likes you that much."
"Doesn't matter," sagot ko. "I already said no."
"Also doesn't matter when the guy's persistent," he grumbled.
We finally reached the student center. Medyo nauna si Zandrey para pagbuksan ako ng pinto. That made me arch a brow, but I went inside anyway. He was just being chivalrous.
"Ganyan talaga kayo? Hindi pa rin titigil kahit sinabihan na ng 'hindi'?" I asked as I look for a vacant table. I found one kaya dumiretso na ako doon. Nakasunod naman sa akin si Zandrey.
"Nadamay pa 'ko," I heard him said laughingly.
We reached the vacant table so I hurriedly sat. Kaso naalala kong kailangan pa naming mag-order. Bakit natatanga ata ako ngayon?
"Bag mo," I mumbled, gesturing for him to give me his bag.
"Aanhin mo?"
"Ilalagay ko sa upuan para 'di tayo maagawan ng table. O-order pa tayo," I replied.
"No," he quickly said. I was just about to argue when he cut me off. "Just sit there. Let me order the food. What do you want?"
Matagal pa akong tumitig sa kanya with my knitted brows. This situation suddenly feels weird and overwhelming for me. Ganito na ba kami ka-close nang hindi ko namamalayan?
"Come on, humahaba ang pila," he mumbled.
"Kahit ano," sabi ko na lang. Tumigil na naman kasi sa pag-function ang utak ko.
"Girls with your 'kahit ano' and 'kahit saan'," he commented. That made me roll my eyes at him, which made him chuckle.
"Sisig, one rice, saka kahit anong gulay. Tubig na rin saka isang leche flan," I answered. That made him smile.
"Alright. Your order's coming up Ma'am," he said with a smile before he left to go to the counter.
I was just staring at his back when I realized I was smiling. With that realization, I bit the insides of my cheek and looked away.
Parang tanga.
Sitting pretty lang ako doon habang hinihintay makabalik si Zandrey. To avoid getting bored, I opened my phone and checked my messages. There was an announcement on the group chat that our instructors for the next classes won't make it to our classes. May emergency meeting daw faculty namin. So that makes my previous class my last class for today. Sasaya na sana ako kasi maaga akong makakauwi pero naalala kong Archi student nga pala ako. Wala akong time para magpakasaya kasi marami pa akong plates.
Malulungkot na sana ako but Zandrey came with the food, kaya nabuhayan ulit ako.
Naka-dalawang balik siya sa counter to get our food. Nag-offer akong tumulong but he didn't let me kaya hinayaan ko na rin.
"Magkano utang ko?" I asked as we began eating. Hindi ko na-realize na ganoon na pala ang gutom ko.
"Nah. It's on me," he replied.
"Babayaran ko 'to," I insisted. "How much?"
"No, it's okay," he argued.
"Zandrey, magbabayad ako," matigas na sabi ko. I guess it was effective because he finally said 'okay'.
"Pero mamaya na. Let's eat first." It was me who said 'okay' this time.
"Hindi mo 'ko sinagot kanina," sabi ko. I just felt the need to talk para maiwasan ang awkwardness.
"About what?"
"Kung ganyan ba talaga kayong mga lalaki," I replied.
"Well, to asnwer your question, no. May mga nakakaintindi din naman kung ayaw talaga ng babae."
"How about those who don't understand a girl's no? What can make you stop?"
"He really got into your head big time, huh?"
"Yes. And it's scary and creepy... and annoying."
"I'm not sure if this would work, but I think I know one way."
"Ano 'yan? Madali lang ba 'yan?"
"I guess..."
"So ano nga? Kailangan ko bang ipabarang? Ganun?" That made him laugh he had to drink so much water kasi nabulunan siya. His face was so red when he stopped and looked at me.
"God, no! And is that even real?"
"Ang barang? I don't know, but it might be."
Napailing na lang siya sa sagot ko.
"So ano nga?"
"Have your boyfriend deal with him."
"Boyfriend?" Naguguluhan kong tanong. "Wala naman ako 'non!"
"Then start looking for one."
"Ayoko ngang mag-boyfriend tapos hahanap ako para tigilan ako ni Charles? Parang tanga naman."
"Not exactly. You can ask someone to pretend to be your boyfriend."
Now that idea's absurd.
I snorted. "No, thank you!"
"Come to think of it, Aira. If he can't respect your words, then perhaps he will respect another man's words."
And that made me stop moving. I just stared at him with a troubled look thinking about it.
"Saan naman ako hahanap-"
I paused when he looked at me with the same intensity.
I squinted my eyes at him. "Are you offering yourself to me?"
He laughed at my choice of words. Nagtinginan tuloy ang mga tao sa gawi namin.
"Grabe naman sa offer, Ai. Hindi ko naman iaalay buong pagkatao ko sa 'yo," he said after laughing his ass out. "I'll just help you out until he stops harassing you."
I still find the idea absurd. Saka hindi pa naman sigurado kung magwo-work talaga because I don't know Charles that much. Hindi ko siya ganoong kilala para malaman kung hanggang saan ang persistence niya.
"Okay, how about this..."
"I'm listening."
"Let's give it a try. Say... for one week? I'll pretend to be your boyfriend, to protect you from that Charles guy. And if it doesn't work within that one week, then we'll find another way."
Now that made me think. But still, hindi pa rin dapat ako basta-bastang pumapayag sa mga ganito. I still feel like there will be something at stake here if I say yes. I needed somebody else's perspective on this.
"Give me time to think about that."
"Okay," Zandrey mumbled. "As long as you want. Just text or call me. You know my number," he responded and went back to eating.
Now that I think of it, the events happen so fast. Earlier, I was just trying to hide from him, pero ngayon, andito siya sa harap ko at kasabay ko pang kumain. This situation is very much weird, but somehow I still find myself sitting comfortably in front of him. Like I trust him enough. Like I know him enough.
If Daisy sees me now, she'll surely tease the hell out of me.
I tried to shake it off my mind and just continued eating.
Bahala na. Paglalaanan ko na lang ng oras mamaya itong mga nasa isip ko.
After that lunch with Zandrey ay kanya-kanya na kami ng lakad. He still has his classes, while I have to go home. It was still weird for me to be friends with him. Hindi naman kasi ako friendly lalo na sa mga lalaki. Nagtataka pa rin ako how everything happened so quickly. Kanina lang I was determined to avoid him and now we have this weird connection.Or maybe he was just that good in making friends.I still have plenty of free time kaya nang makauwi ay tulog agad ang inatupag ko. But I set an alarm for two hours. Hindi naman pwedeng tutulog lang talaga ako maghapon. Hindi ako pwedeng mag-cram sa mga gagawin ko kasi mababaliw ako. I'm not much of a multi-tasker.When I woke up from my nap, I proceed to doing my plates hanggang sa makaramdam ako ng gutom. Timingly, Daisy was done with her classes and texted me she's on the way. Nagpa-take out na lang ako ng pagkain so we can eat it together."So you're telling me na he suggested to be your pretend boyfriend para tigilan ka na ni Char
Para akong lutang nang matapos lahat ng klase ko. Ilang beses pa akong nakabangga kasi tatanga-tanga ako.Kasi naman eh!Even when the classes are ongoing, all I could think about was what happened earlier. Unang araw pa lang ng plano namin ni Zandrey pero pakiramdam ko hindi ko na kayang panindigan. Dagdagan pa ng text ni Daisy na nag-aaya ng dinner. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung tatanggi ba ako o magpapanggap na lang na may sakit para lang makaiwas.Seriously, this should be easy. I just don't know why things are starting to be complicated.I just continued walking, unsure where I'm going. Ayaw ko pang harapin sina Daisy. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako makakatagal kung nasa harapan ko si Zandrey. Tatakas na lang siguro ako.With my tote bag on my right shoulder and books on my left arm, I walked cautiously. Panay ang tingin ko sa paligid, checking if someone can see me right now. So far, wala namang Daisy o Zandrey na umaaligid.I heaved a sigh. Para naman akong may atraso nito."Hey."Ay, puch
It's Wednesday and it's just the second official day of our deception. While I think it's still cringe, I also think it's quite effective.The entire day yesterday, even if I know Charles is just a few classrooms away from me, he did not come to see me. Noon kasi, lagi siyang dumadaan para magpapansin sa akin, kausapin ako, and all sorts of things he can do to make his appearance be known.Right then, I thought it was a red flag. Ilang beses ko na kasi talaga siyang tinanggihan and even explained myself, but he really can't understand or maybe he does, but he chose not to understand me. The thought of him being overly persistent is bothering me and giving me the creeps.Zandrey and I agreed on this deception to happen only in school, or wherever and whenever we need to. Pero itong isa, kahit walang taong nakatingin, sige pa rin.Just like now.I just woke up and when I got my phone to check it, a notification which says he sent me a message was the first thing I noticed.Good morning!
There were multiple texts from Zandrey when I opened my phone after that particular class. Pero hindi ko muna binuksan and just headed straight to my next class. Pagkatapos nito, bakante na ako so I can go and meet him, before I have lunch with Daisy. Pagkalipat sa next class ay siniguro kong mukha akong busy para hindi makalapit sa akin si Risa. I'm still not ready to continue whatever we talked about earlier. Kapag talaga itong si Zandrey may sabit tapos pa-offer-offer pa na magpanggap na boyfriend ko para layuan ako ni Charles... I will really kick him in the balls! Nadadamay pa ako eh. While the class was going on, I tried to listen as intently as I can. Kaso iyong utak ko ayaw talaga mag-concentrate at kung saan-saan napapadpad. Buti na lang nakapag-d******d na ako ng advance slides at nasilip ko na kanina ang magiging lessons ngayon kaya medyo hindi na ako nag-alala. Hindi naman siguro magpapa-surprise quiz itong si Prof. Hopefully... Kaso hindi talaga sang-ayon sa akin ang
I received a text from Daisy telling me she's at the the new cafe near gate 2. So after talking to Zandrey, doon agad ako dumiretso kasi may klase pa ako.I don't have any idea what it is that she's going to tell me. I don't know if it's that important, but I went anyway. Daisy's stories sometimes keep me sane. Sa dami ng stress ko sa buhay, from school stuff to personal life, I was glad to have someone like her who makes me forget those things. Kasi kung hindi, I might have gone crazy.The moment I got to the cafe, nakita ko siyang kumakaway sa akin, that's why it was easy for me to spot her. She was sitting at a corner.Habang papalapit sa kanya, I look around the place. Okay naman. The ambiance was okay, and there's just a few people. Siguro kasi bago pa at hindi pa masyadong kilala."Bakit nakangiting-aso ka na naman?" I asked as I sat on the chair in front of her. Ang laki kasi ng ngiti niya na para bang hindi maalis-alis."Hindi kasi ako stressed," she replied."Good for you," I
"How did you know I was there?" I asked.When we got out of the building, I almost fell to the ground because my knees were so weak. Kinailangan niya pa akong alalayan para maupo ako sa bench malapit sa entrance.It's indeed already dark. May mga estudyante pa pero kokonti na lang. When I looked up, marami nang bituin sa langit. It would be nice to just look up and watch them twinkling. But I couldn't shake the fear off from what happened just a while ago. Kung hindi dumating si Zandrey, I couldn't imagine what could've happened."I tried reaching you but you were not answering," he replied. "So I asked Daisy and she told me you're probably still in class. So I went there," he added."Bakit mo 'ko pinuntahan?""I was gonna ask about dinner," he replied. "You didn't reply to my texts," he added.I nodded, still looking up above."Are you okay?""I wasn't until you came."This time, I looked at him and tried to smile. But as I smiled, the tears fell. They were inevitable. I was holding
Siguro kung may nakatingin ngayon sa akin, iisipin niyang ang laki ng problema ko sa buhay dahil sa haggard at sa laki ng eyebags ko. I know and I can see it because I'm staring at myself through the mirror.And I don't like what I'm seeing.Gulo-gulo ang buhok ko. Halata sa mukha kong hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos kagabi. How could I ever sleep when that kiss kept on coming back to my mind?Kung dati, nagwo-worry akong hindi ako tigilan ni Charles, ngayon nag-aalala akong baka hindi na mawala sa isip ko ang nangyari kagabi. Hindi ko alam kung may mukhang maihaharap pa ako kay Zandrey.Malandi na ba ako kapag ganoon? Pero kasi! I know I don't have any reference as to how it should feel but at that moment, I just knew it felt so good. I never kissed anyone and I never thought it would feel like that. I thought it was gross and disgusting and whatever because hello? You're exchanging saliva with other people! I was so conscious about even touching someone else's saliva before and now
I've heard people confess to me before- saying they like me and that they want to court me. Upon hearing those confessions, I instantly said 'no' because I know all too well that I don't feel the same towards them at ayokong sayangin nila ang oras nila sa akin.All those times, I thought I was incapable of liking someone.But then here's Zandrey telling me he kissed me because he likes me.And I don't know what to say. I don't know how to comprehend my feelings.Gusto ko rin ba siya? Are the feelings mutual?I'm not sure."You're not required to say anything, Ai," he said. "I just wanted to tell you because I don't want to keep things from you. I want to be honest with you."Okay. Anong isasagot ko dito?I heard him heave a sigh. "Now it feels lighter now that it's out."Paano naman ako? I don't know what to say!Sumandal siya sa upuan, his arms stretched out in front of him. Napatingin ako doon and can't help but admire his arms. God, I'm in a serious situation and now I'm admiring