I could feel my face heating up in embarassment. Halos hindi ako makatingin sa kanya! Kung saan-saan ko tuloy naibabaling ang tingin ko. Para na akong tanga!
"I'm sorry," I heard him said. Wala namang may sadya 'non diba? Pero bakit kasi!
"I'm sorry too," I said. Saglit lang akong tumingin sa kanya and looked away hurriedly. Nakakahiya talaga!
"Should we go back inside?" He asked. Mabilis akong tumango. Pakiramdam ko nahimasmasan na ako dahil sa nangyari.
We went back to the KTV and it was the most awkward walk of my life! Buti na lang naisip kong hindi naman na kami magkikita after nito. Saka malaki naman ang University! Hindi naman ako nagagawi sa college nila. Iiwasan ko na lang din lahat ng mga nakaputi!
Pagkarating namin ay medyo hindi na ganoon kagulo. Nakatulog na nga si Daisy. At nakasandal pa kay Jed! Para-paraan talaga ang bruha.
Nag-aya na akong umuwi at sumang-ayon naman silang lahat. I had to retrieve the rest of my stuff from Daisy's car after getting the keys from her saka ibinigay iyon kay Jed pagkatapos. Daisy was already drunk so we decided to just take a taxi. Iyong mga lalaki na daw ang bahala sa kotseng naiwan namin.
Nang makasakay sa taxi ay saka lang ako nakahinga nang maayos.
Ugh. I knew this night will do me no good.
•●•
Mahimbing pa ring natutulog si Daisy sa kama ko. Dito ko na lang kasi siya pinatulog sa condo ko dahil sa sobrang kalasingan niya.
Mas maaga akong nagising kesa sa kanya kaya heto ako ngayon at nakatayo sa harap niya, hinihintay ang paggising niya. I want my face to be the first thing she'll see once she wakes up.
"Oh. Good morning, Ai," she greeted smilingly upon seeing my face. I arched a brow at her. "Bad mood yarn?"
"Last na ''yong kagabi," I muttered. She sat up and looked at me while furrowing.
"Hindi ka nag-enjoy?" She asked. She doesn't know what happened to Zandrey and me last night pero akala ko iyon ang ibig niyang sabihin.
"NO!"
Nakita ko ang gulat sa mukha ni Daisy dahil sa mabilis at medyo malakas na pagsagot ko. But she recovered quickly and even looked at me weirdly.
"Weird mo," she mumbled. "Akala ko pa naman nag-enjoy ka sa company ni Zandrey. Chika kayo nang chika eh."
"HINDI-"
"BA'T KA GALIT?"
"Hindi ako galit," I said, this time, in a soft voice.
"My God, Ai, mas lalong sumasakit ang ulo ko sa 'yo," she mumbled as she stood up. Lumabas siya ng kwarto saka dumiretso sa kusina. Sumunod naman ako.
"Basta, hindi na ako sasama sa 'yo next time!"
"Edi 'wag!"
"'Wag mo 'kong pipilitin!"
"Hindi na nga!"
Pareho kaming natahimik. Hindi naman kami nag-aaway. Ganito lang talaga kami mag-usap most of the time- halos puro sigawan.
"Anong mukha 'yan?" Natatawang tanong ni Daisy. Nagtitimpla siya ng kape samantalang ako ay nakasandal sa kitchen counter habang pinapanood siya.
"Wala," I muttered dismissively.
Tapos na 'yon. Nangyari na. I can't do anything to erase it. And that really sucks! Kasi kahit anong gawin kong paglimot ay bumabalik 'yon sa isip ko.
I'm really blaming Daisy for this!
Padabog akong umupo sa upuan and took the bread on the dining table. Ikakain ko na lang kasi baka gutom lang 'to.
"Nasan phone ko?" Daisy asked.
"Malay ko," I replied.
"Ai naman," she said with a pout. "Hanapin ko lang kasi baka may text si Jed," kinikilig na dagdag niya saka tumakbo sa kwarto ko. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin and rolled my eyes when she disappeared in my sight.
I chose to just enjoy my bread and forget it for once. Masisira lang ang araw ko kung patuloy ko 'yong alalahanin.
Sure ba 'yan?
I slapped the side of my head when that thought came to my mind. Nasira ata ang utak ko dahil sa nangyari! Pero bakit ba ako sobrang affected? It's not even a kiss as in kiss! And it wasn't intentional. Ugh!
Suddenly I heard Daisy screamed. Matataranta na sana ako but it was followed with "Oh my God! He texted me! He texted me!" I could even imagine her jumping in joy.
I rolled my eyes again.
•●•
The day went... normal. Well, I tried my best for it to be normal.
Daisy spent more hours in my condo but she had to go home because she's meeting Jed later. Magpapaganda daw siya. Si Jed kasi iyong nag-asikaso ng sasakyan niya kagabi. Ihahatid daw sa kanya.
So I was left peacefully alone in my crib again. I took out all my materials and decided to do some plates. I have a lot of hobbies but I'm an Archi student and I don't get to spend my time on my hobbies anymore. Because of plates. Freaking plates.
My brows were knitted together when I heard my phone beeped. It's just probably Daisy. So I didn't pay attention.
But then a few minutes later, it beeped again. It was annoying. Kaya kinuha ko na lang 'yon to check who was texting me.
Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko when I saw it was from an unregistered number. I opened it and suddenly, I felt my heartbeat doubled its pace.
Hi, Aira! This is Zandrey. I was just wodering if you're free today?
Or tomorrow? Whatever works for you.
I just want to ask if I can have my ID back? I can't enter the school premises without it.😅
Shet na ID 'yan! I should've given it to him when I got my things from Daisy's car last night para hindi ko na kailangang makipagkita pa sa kanya! Kaso atat na rin akong makauwi kaya nawala na sa isip ko.
Now I have to reply. And meet him to give his ID. Ugh.
Hi, Zandrey. Is it okay if I give it to you on Monday? Before class. What time is your first class? Busy kasi ako.
And it's just a matter of seconds or perhaps a minute when I received a reply from him.
Sure. First class ko is 9 am. Is it okay if we meet at 8:30?
Yeah. I guess that will be fine. Let's meet sa Gate 1.
Okay. Great!
See you, then.☺
Yup. See you.
Okay. That will be just once. Last na 'yon. After it, I don't have to see him anymore. Sure, maliit ang mundo. Pero sisiguraduhin kong magaling akong magtago at umiwas.
•●•
The most dreaded Monday came. Papunta pa lang ako sa school pero hindi na ako mapakali. I tried to think of ways or excuse para hindi ko siya makita. But nothing came to mind. I'm good at this! Bakit ngayon pa 'ko nablangko?
Wala pang 8:30 ako nakarating sa may gate kaya may ilang minuto pa akong pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Or better yet, think of an excuse.
I looked around and saw the guard house. I smirked upon finally being able to think of something.
Wala pa naman si Zandrey kaya lumapit ako sa guard house at doon iniwan ang ID niya. I texted him and told him I have an emergency meeting with my groupmates so I left his ID there. I smiled widely when I entered the school.
See? I'm good at this!
I then went to my classroom for my 9 am class. It was a minor subject. It was the kind of minor subject na feeling major kaya hindi pwedeng hindi ka pumasok. Because once you fail to attend even just one meeting, ang dami mo nang na-miss. Ayoko namang mag-self study sa minor kasi marami na nga akong major na kailangang i-self study, dadagdagan ko pa? I also have a lot of plates to do.
After that class came another class tapos vacant ko na. I have two hours of vacant until my next subject which means more time to spend sa Library.
The journey to the Library was never easy. Kasi ang daming naka-all white! Para akong aatakihin sa puso kapag nakakakita ng lalaking naka-uniform na puti. God, this is not good for my anxiety!
I managed to get inside the Lib without bumping into him kaya medyo nagkaroon na ng peace. Sa pinakadulo pa 'ko pumwesto, my back facing everyone else. Ayokong napapatingin sa paligid kasi marami pa ring nakaputi. Hindi ako makakapag-concentrate kung nakaharap ako sa kanila.
When lunch time came, nakatanggap ako ng text mula kay Daisy. Kakain daw kaming lunch. Papayag na sana ako but then she mentioned she's with Jed kaya humindi na lang ako. Hahayaan ko muna silang magka-alone time.
The plan was to eat lunch quickly and go back to the Lib. Iniwan ko kasi iyong mga gamit ko doon kasi babalik naman ako at saka para walang pumalit sa pwesto ko.
I was still being so careful. Too careful to the point na pakiramdam ko ang weird ko na kasi panay ang tingin ko sa paligid habang naglalakad at kapag may nakakasalubong na nakaputi ay agad lumalayo. Seriously, this is making me look like crazy. Pero ayoko talagang makita siya kasi nakakahiya pa rin iyong nangyari last time!
Malapit na 'ko sa student center nang makita ko siya. He was approximately 6 meters away from me and I'm not sure if he saw me or not kasi agad akong nagtago sa likod ng isang puno. Medyo may kalakihan ang katawan ng puno kaya feeling ko naman kaya niya akong itago mula kay Zandrey.
Pinagtitinginan ako ng mga estudyanteng dumadaan malapit sa akin. Gusto kong tusukin mga mata nila kasi baka mahalata ni Zandrey na may tangang nagtatago sa likod ng puno. Alam kong ang weird ng ginagawa ko ngayon pero sana naman makaramdam sila. Hindi ako safe dahil sa mga tingin at lingon nila!
Naghintay pa 'ko ng ilang minuto bago sumilip sa gawi ni Zandrey. Wala na siya roon kaya napahinga ako nang maluwag.
"Who are you hiding from?"
Ganoon na lang ang panlalaki ng mga mata ko at ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko nang marinig ko ang boses niya mula sa likod ko.
Putangina.
I never got myself in trouble before. Maingat akong tao kaya kampante ako sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay. Hindi rin ako sanay na pinapahiya ang sarili. I know how to get out of situations. I am that smart, as my Mom would say. Pero lately, parang gusto ko na lang ikahiya ang buong pagkatao ko.Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong nakatingin kay Zandrey na nasa harapan ko ngayon. I can see him suppressing a grin kaya mas lalo akong nahihiya. Gusto ko na lang magpalamon sa lupa at this very moment.Kung kanina ay malakas na ang tibok ng puso ko, ngayon ay mas lalo pang lumakas.Ngayon pa naisipan ng utak kong tumigil sa pag-function."Are you okay?" Tanong niya.Alam kong alam niya ano ang sagot sa tanong niya sa akin. Kaya hindi ako sumagot saka tumayo na lang nang maayos. I tried looking away. I can't keep on looking at him when he looks so amused. Mas lalo lang akong nahihiya.I heard him chuckled. "Kumain ka na?" He asked."I was going to," sagot ko na lang. "Nakuha mo na ID mo?" Tanong ko. Thi
After that lunch with Zandrey ay kanya-kanya na kami ng lakad. He still has his classes, while I have to go home. It was still weird for me to be friends with him. Hindi naman kasi ako friendly lalo na sa mga lalaki. Nagtataka pa rin ako how everything happened so quickly. Kanina lang I was determined to avoid him and now we have this weird connection.Or maybe he was just that good in making friends.I still have plenty of free time kaya nang makauwi ay tulog agad ang inatupag ko. But I set an alarm for two hours. Hindi naman pwedeng tutulog lang talaga ako maghapon. Hindi ako pwedeng mag-cram sa mga gagawin ko kasi mababaliw ako. I'm not much of a multi-tasker.When I woke up from my nap, I proceed to doing my plates hanggang sa makaramdam ako ng gutom. Timingly, Daisy was done with her classes and texted me she's on the way. Nagpa-take out na lang ako ng pagkain so we can eat it together."So you're telling me na he suggested to be your pretend boyfriend para tigilan ka na ni Char
Para akong lutang nang matapos lahat ng klase ko. Ilang beses pa akong nakabangga kasi tatanga-tanga ako.Kasi naman eh!Even when the classes are ongoing, all I could think about was what happened earlier. Unang araw pa lang ng plano namin ni Zandrey pero pakiramdam ko hindi ko na kayang panindigan. Dagdagan pa ng text ni Daisy na nag-aaya ng dinner. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung tatanggi ba ako o magpapanggap na lang na may sakit para lang makaiwas.Seriously, this should be easy. I just don't know why things are starting to be complicated.I just continued walking, unsure where I'm going. Ayaw ko pang harapin sina Daisy. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako makakatagal kung nasa harapan ko si Zandrey. Tatakas na lang siguro ako.With my tote bag on my right shoulder and books on my left arm, I walked cautiously. Panay ang tingin ko sa paligid, checking if someone can see me right now. So far, wala namang Daisy o Zandrey na umaaligid.I heaved a sigh. Para naman akong may atraso nito."Hey."Ay, puch
It's Wednesday and it's just the second official day of our deception. While I think it's still cringe, I also think it's quite effective.The entire day yesterday, even if I know Charles is just a few classrooms away from me, he did not come to see me. Noon kasi, lagi siyang dumadaan para magpapansin sa akin, kausapin ako, and all sorts of things he can do to make his appearance be known.Right then, I thought it was a red flag. Ilang beses ko na kasi talaga siyang tinanggihan and even explained myself, but he really can't understand or maybe he does, but he chose not to understand me. The thought of him being overly persistent is bothering me and giving me the creeps.Zandrey and I agreed on this deception to happen only in school, or wherever and whenever we need to. Pero itong isa, kahit walang taong nakatingin, sige pa rin.Just like now.I just woke up and when I got my phone to check it, a notification which says he sent me a message was the first thing I noticed.Good morning!
There were multiple texts from Zandrey when I opened my phone after that particular class. Pero hindi ko muna binuksan and just headed straight to my next class. Pagkatapos nito, bakante na ako so I can go and meet him, before I have lunch with Daisy. Pagkalipat sa next class ay siniguro kong mukha akong busy para hindi makalapit sa akin si Risa. I'm still not ready to continue whatever we talked about earlier. Kapag talaga itong si Zandrey may sabit tapos pa-offer-offer pa na magpanggap na boyfriend ko para layuan ako ni Charles... I will really kick him in the balls! Nadadamay pa ako eh. While the class was going on, I tried to listen as intently as I can. Kaso iyong utak ko ayaw talaga mag-concentrate at kung saan-saan napapadpad. Buti na lang nakapag-d******d na ako ng advance slides at nasilip ko na kanina ang magiging lessons ngayon kaya medyo hindi na ako nag-alala. Hindi naman siguro magpapa-surprise quiz itong si Prof. Hopefully... Kaso hindi talaga sang-ayon sa akin ang
I received a text from Daisy telling me she's at the the new cafe near gate 2. So after talking to Zandrey, doon agad ako dumiretso kasi may klase pa ako.I don't have any idea what it is that she's going to tell me. I don't know if it's that important, but I went anyway. Daisy's stories sometimes keep me sane. Sa dami ng stress ko sa buhay, from school stuff to personal life, I was glad to have someone like her who makes me forget those things. Kasi kung hindi, I might have gone crazy.The moment I got to the cafe, nakita ko siyang kumakaway sa akin, that's why it was easy for me to spot her. She was sitting at a corner.Habang papalapit sa kanya, I look around the place. Okay naman. The ambiance was okay, and there's just a few people. Siguro kasi bago pa at hindi pa masyadong kilala."Bakit nakangiting-aso ka na naman?" I asked as I sat on the chair in front of her. Ang laki kasi ng ngiti niya na para bang hindi maalis-alis."Hindi kasi ako stressed," she replied."Good for you," I
"How did you know I was there?" I asked.When we got out of the building, I almost fell to the ground because my knees were so weak. Kinailangan niya pa akong alalayan para maupo ako sa bench malapit sa entrance.It's indeed already dark. May mga estudyante pa pero kokonti na lang. When I looked up, marami nang bituin sa langit. It would be nice to just look up and watch them twinkling. But I couldn't shake the fear off from what happened just a while ago. Kung hindi dumating si Zandrey, I couldn't imagine what could've happened."I tried reaching you but you were not answering," he replied. "So I asked Daisy and she told me you're probably still in class. So I went there," he added."Bakit mo 'ko pinuntahan?""I was gonna ask about dinner," he replied. "You didn't reply to my texts," he added.I nodded, still looking up above."Are you okay?""I wasn't until you came."This time, I looked at him and tried to smile. But as I smiled, the tears fell. They were inevitable. I was holding
Siguro kung may nakatingin ngayon sa akin, iisipin niyang ang laki ng problema ko sa buhay dahil sa haggard at sa laki ng eyebags ko. I know and I can see it because I'm staring at myself through the mirror.And I don't like what I'm seeing.Gulo-gulo ang buhok ko. Halata sa mukha kong hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos kagabi. How could I ever sleep when that kiss kept on coming back to my mind?Kung dati, nagwo-worry akong hindi ako tigilan ni Charles, ngayon nag-aalala akong baka hindi na mawala sa isip ko ang nangyari kagabi. Hindi ko alam kung may mukhang maihaharap pa ako kay Zandrey.Malandi na ba ako kapag ganoon? Pero kasi! I know I don't have any reference as to how it should feel but at that moment, I just knew it felt so good. I never kissed anyone and I never thought it would feel like that. I thought it was gross and disgusting and whatever because hello? You're exchanging saliva with other people! I was so conscious about even touching someone else's saliva before and now