kabanata 1

Jhonalyn's Point of  View

I LET OUT a hollow laugh, taking another swig of my drink. Nasa bar kami ng mga kaibigan ko. After the conversation between me and my dad, ay dito ako dinala ng aking mga paa. Tinawagan ko lang itong mga kaibigan ko para samahan ako.

“Jana,”

“I'm okay, ano ka ba,” I said and let out a bitter laugh.

I know I haven't been the perfect daughter. I've made mistakes. But is that enough reason for them to marry me off to a stranger just to boost their business?

"Jana, tumigil ka na sabi sa kakainom eh.” Saad ni Rhea.

"Why not?"

“Hindi ka pwedeng maglasing kasi kailangan mo pang kausapin ang mga magulang mo bukas.” Tumawa ako nang mahina. Hindi ko pinansin si Rhea at muling sumimsim sa alak ko.

"I don't want to face them. Why would I? To beg them not to go through with this arranged marriage to someone I don't even know?” Puno ng pait na ngumiti ako. "Their decision won't change. It's all about their company; they'll do anything to make that damn business grow. Para sa kanila, mas mahalaga ang negosyo kaysa sa anak nila." Dugtong ko. Mariin akong napapikit dahil umiikot na ang paningin ko.

"Carlyn, please, kunin mo na ang alak kay Jana." Napadilat ako sa utos ni Rhea kay Carlyn.

Tiningnan ko siya nang may pagtutol. "Give me this night, guys, please. Tonight's the only time I can drink like this because I can't accept that my parents would sell me off for their stupid business. So please, I'm begging you…" Saad ko at inubos ang laman ng bote ng alak na hawak ko.

Gusto kong umiyak pero pagod na ako. I cried myself out earlier when I was alone in my room. Do I really deserve to be treated like I'm worthless to them?

Wala ba akong karapatang piliin kung sino ang gusto kong pakasalan? Kung sino ang gusto kong mahalin? Wala ba akong karapatang tumutol sa mga gusto nila? Mahal na mahal ko naman sila, ah! Pero bakit hindi nila makita 'yon? Siguro, dahil hindi nila ako mahal. Dahil hanggang ngayon, ang kapatid ko lang ang mahalaga sa kanila. Ang kapatid ko na nakukuha ang lahat! Atensyon, ang lalaking mahal ko na inagaw niya, at ang pagmamahal ng mga magulang namin.

But to be honest, hindi ko naman talaga totoong ina si Tita Carmen, step-mother ko siya. Pero kahit na ganoon, tinuring ko pa rin siyang parang tunay kong ina. Dahil lagi s'yang nandyan para sa akin nung mga panahon na kailangan ko ng isang ina.

I was 10 when my mother died in a car accident. One year later, my father brought Tita Carmen home and introduced her to me. I didn't object because I wanted my father to be happy again. I wanted to see him happy like he was when Mom was still alive. A month later, they got married, and then Althea came along. Hindi ko siya tunay na kapatid, anak siya ni Tita Carmen sa dati nitong asawa.

Years passed, and our relationship was mostly fine. Althea and I became close. Until one day, we both got into a car accident.

Ako ang sinisi nila sa lahat. Sabi nila, kasalanan ko kung bakit hindi na makapaglakad si Ate Althea. Ni minsan ay hindi man lang nila ako tinanong kung ano ba talaga ang totoong nangyari sa aksidente.

I was 19 when the accident happened. I was dead on arrival at the hospital, but they only worried about Ate Althea. They said Ate Althea needed their care more than I did. I didn't demand anything; I told myself it was okay because Ate Althea was the one who was more seriously injured. I even apologized to Tita Carmen, even though it wasn't my fault. Then, after we were both discharged, they moved me to a different room. Ate Althea used my room, the one Mommy had organized when she was still alive.

I never demanded anything. I'm the real daughter, the real Lopez, but Daddy valued Ate Althea more.

Then, when Ate Althea asked for my boyfriend, I gave him to her, even though it broke my heart. But I think that decision was right because one day, I caught them talking. It turned out they'd been having a relationship before the accident. It's been too long. I feel empty and bruised.

I wiped away the tears I didn't realize were falling.

I don't want to cry. I'm tired. Tired of pretending to be strong. Tired of bracing myself. I'm too tired to hope that we can ever be a family again. I'm so tired… exhausted, utterly exhausted.

I am capable of dealing with life. I'm actually good at it. I managed to continue living even though I feel like I'm a worthless person.

Narinig ko ang munting pagbuntong hininga ni Carlyn. "Fine..."

I smiled. The loud music pulsing through the bar energized me. The smell of cigarettes and mixed drinks was overwhelming. The bar was crowded; loud with people dancing and shouting on the dance floor.

Inisang lagok ko ang laman ng baso ni Rhea bago tumayo. "Hindi niyo ako kailangang bantayan. I can handle myself. Kung pinapauwi na kayo ng mga sugar daddy niyo, goraaa na. I'm having some fun tonight. I need to let loose – things have been pretty crappy lately." I grinned, then walked toward the dance floor as they hesitantly nodded.

Paniguradong nag-aalala sila sa kalagayan ko ngayon. Noong araw na nakilala ko sila, ang araw na naramdaman kong may nagmamahal sa akin katulad ng kung paano ako mahalin ni mommy noong nabubuhay pa siya. Sa kanila ko nakita ang wala sa pamilya ko. At sila lang ang bukod tanging itinuturing kong kapamilya na alam kong mapagkakatiwalaan ko. Sila ang mga kaibigan kong pinapahalagahan ako.

Nag-eenjoy ako habang sumasayaw sa ritmo ng musika. Ito ang gusto ko, ang makaramdam ng kalayaan mula sa anumang kalungkutan at problema. Every beat of the music, every sway of my hips feels like satisfaction to me.

A gasp escaped my lips as I felt a firm hand circle my waist. This is a bar, we're on the dance floor—it's normal. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was different this time.

I closed my eyes and continued dancing, feeling the heat between our bodies.

I was so ready to face the stranger so I turned around to see who it was. My lips parted as I absorbed his face. His perfect jaw clenched as he watched me check him out. His eyes were hooded and so dark as if he is the darkest fantasy I have.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa mapupula niyang mga labi. Ang mga labi niyang di hamak na mas mapula pa ata kesa sa akin. I gasped softly. I felt my stomach turn with the way he looked at me.

Both his masculine hands are all over my body.

Suddenly, I felt turned on. ‘Seriously? This fast? What is this? What is this man making me feel?’

‘Shit!’ Bigla akong nakaramdam ng hiya nang walang dahilan. Humiwalay ako sa kanya at akmang aalis na nang bigla na naman niya akong hinapit sa bewang, kaya tumama ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya.

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A/N: Hello 👋 I'm not a perfect or a famous author kaya kung may makikita kayong mga typos or words na 'di niyo maintindihan, pagpasinsyahan niyo nalang po 😊😁

Thank you & God bless Everyone 🙌

Xoxo 💖😘