Chapter 7

‘visited Chance on the 19th of November.’ That was the last thing she wrote down before snapping the small diary shut and stuffing it into the pocket of her ash coat. She unfastened her seatbelt and climbed out of Marley’s ford. They had agreed to go see Chance before heading to Marley’s apartment.

It was dreary and grey clouds hung very low in the sky. It wasn’t the perfect weather for a visit to the psychiatric home because it was common for patients to experience winter blues. The Osward home for the sick sign dangled from the top of the gate. Marley fell in step beside her. He had been silent since the ride over here. She understood the silence, so didn’t feel the need to make small talk.

They walked into the compound together. They were met by a marbled trail. The click-clack of their shoes on marble was the only audible sound. Side by side on the trail, stood hulking green ash trees. Their branches sprung out in diverse directions, providing ample shade and giving an eery feel to the trail.

The bleak atmosphere made Clarissa pensive. Osward home always gave her the creeps. She couldn’t imagine staying here for the rest of her life. Even the façade she would put on here was just for Chance. All for Chance, she thought.

The trail opened into an open space.

The smell of freshly mowed grass hit her nostrils. Who the hell mowed grasses in winter?

They rounded a corner and made for the administrative block. They walked up the stairs and the door creaked open. A familiar looking guard stood beside the door.

‘Good day.’ He said as he ushered them inside the building. Clarissa nodded in acknowledgment, she didn’t feel it in her to deal with social niceties. At least, not just yet.

The hallway reeked of antiseptics which barely managed to mask the musty smell emanating from the damp walls. She resisted the maddening urge to pinch her nostrils close. The guard led them to the waiting room and left them to their own devices.

She let Marley deal with the nurse manning the front desk. Even after years of frequenting here, she could never get used it. She scanned the crowed room. It was contrary to what the world outside knew. Different faces, different colors, all here for the same reason. To see a loved one. She took a seat very close the door. She wanted to avoid talking to anyone. She had her burden to bear. The last thing she needed was someone using her as a shoulder to cry on.

Someone settled in beside her. An old woman. Seventy maybe. Her scrawny face spoke of untold hardship than age. She smelled like Durian, the fruit that smelt like gym socks. Her hair, grey with age, was grubby and greasy. Clarissa forced down the bile that had found itself to her throat as she took in the sight which was the old lady.

‘They never get better, do they? Her voice sounded like sand against iron, scratchy and cracked. ‘The doctors promise they’ll get better with time, but they never do. She’s been in here for ten years. My daughter. And, with each passing year, she looks like a shadow of herself.’ She sniffed and blew her nose into a dirty bandana.

She didn’t deem it necessary to speak to the old lady. They had met many others like her over the years. She was used to laments like hers.

‘I have to take care of her child, my grandchild. She’s the only one I’ve got left. You see the girl? The one in blue…’ Clarissa followed the lady’s gaze and found the girl. ‘That’s my little Penny. Penelope. She comes with me every time to see her mother. A mother who barely recognizes her anymore.’

Clarissa stared at the girl. She looked twelve or thirteen. She sat, regarding everyone with a cool look of indifference. She wondered how Penny felt knowing that her mother could barely recognize her. She wondered where her father was. Not that she would ask the old lady though.

A wave of pity surged through her. Her mind drifted to her thirteen year-old self. She wondered if there was a time when people looked at her and saw a Penny. She shook her heard to clear her thoughts.

‘you seem like a pretty decent young lady. You should come visit me sometime. Penelope could use a sister figure in her life.’ The old lady said with a smile which showed off her tobacco-stained teeth.

They sat outside, in the courtyard. She had chosen a spot encircled by Ixora. It gave her a sense of privacy.

Soon, a nurse they had come to know as Vivian came bearing Chance. His black hair had grown a bit longer since the last time they had seen him. His cheekbones were a tad prominent and the skin on his face clung to the bones, making his face seem angular. Dark circles ringed his eyes and his once bright chestnut iris looked dull. Clarissa noticed that his straight nose now appeared crooked. The black hoodie and brown pants he wore hung loosely from his body. He was whole lot thinner than before.

Clarissa adjusted the seat by her left, so Chance could sit beside her. After that, Vivian left them but stood somewhere close by, just in case.

Chance would be thirty in three days, yet he looked more than his age sitting beside her. It seemed years in a mental institution had sped up his aging.

It was Marley who spoke first.

‘How are you, Chance?’

‘I feel good. Sane, I think.’ He said with a tight smile.

‘You’ve not been eating fine.’ Marley stated. ‘Why is that?’

She was glad that Marley had noticed how thin he looked too.

‘The days, I have no desire for food. The drugs they give us make everything taste the same. I could eat my shit and it’d taste like pizza to me.’

‘That’s disgusting.’ Clarissa said at last feigning disgust, a little smile playing on her lips. She took his hands in hers and began stroking it affectionately.

‘What’s been going with you two? Tell me all I’ve missed so far.’ Chance said.

‘All you’ve missed so far is….’ Clarissa said rummaging through her bag. ‘… it’s your birthday in a few days, so I got you this’ She stretched her hands to give Chance two books which he accepted beaming with smiles. Chance looked at Marley expectantly.

Marley scratched his ear and muttered a miserable ‘I forgot. I’ll get you some next time.’

‘That’s what he always says.’ Chance said and Clarissa burst out laughing at the look of exasperation on Marley’s face.

‘Thank you, Rissa. And, you too,’ he said, this time to Marley. ‘…for the clothes you sent. I think I might enjoy the books you brought this time. The last ones you brought… the romance in it was really cringey.’ He said making a scrunched up face and Clarissa laughed lightly.

Marley watched hid siblings from across the table. He knew how much Clarissa had adored Chance as a child. How much she still adored him even now, despite his illness. His eyes strayed to Clarissa’s hand gently stroking Chance’s like it was the most the natural thing to do in the world. He hadn’t been close to Chance while they were little. He had preferred being alone. So while Chance had played the doting elder brother to Clarissa, he had been the lone wolf of the trio.

‘Marley?’ he heard Clarissa call. He blinked his eye several times to clear his thoughts.

‘Yeah.’

‘Are you okay?’ she asked, concern lacing every word. Chance gave him a piercing stare that made it look as though he could straight into his soul.

‘I’m okay. Just spaced out for a bit. What were you too talking about?’

‘Okay. We were wondering if the doctors would let us celebrate Christmas together. We could take Chance to some fancy restaurant in town, treat him to a nice meal and later, we bring him back. Do you think they’d let us do that?’ She asked with that puppy eyes she made whenever she wanted to get people to do whatever she wanted.

Marley’s eyes widened at Clarissa’s suggestion.

How could Clarissa make such a proposition? What? Chance acts normal for thirty minutes straight up, then he gets a pass to be reintroduced into the society. What if one of his episodes starts at the mere sight of unfamiliar faces? How would they manage him? He almost said a flat-out no. but, he caught himself before he did. A negative response from him might elicit a corresponding negative reaction from Chance, who was staring him like a hawk. The last thing he needed was him having s schizophrenic meltdown. There was so much that a guy could deal with.

‘we could do that, maybe…’ he said instead, then added with emphasis, ‘with the doctor’s approval, of course.’

He gave Clarissa a pointed glare that said they would talk about this. Whether she got the memo or not, she turned and whispered something to Chance who howled with laughter.

It was weird being here. Being the one with the final say. If Chance had been well, it would’ve been him. It also felt weird not knowing what his siblings were whispering about.

Clarissa suddenly stood. ‘I’ll give you two some guys-time alone. I’d like to speak to Nurse Vivian too.’

With that, she walked towards Nurse Vivian who was miling about behind a shrub that she had no idea what the name was.

‘Hi.’

A startled Vivian turned to face Clarissa, her glasses rattling in her oval face.

‘I’m sorry for Startling you. I’m Clarissa Cavendish, Chance’s sister. I’ve heard so much about you from my brother.’

‘Ohh, is that so? Then, I guess you know my name then.’ Vivian said in a small voice.

‘I do. We haven’t had much time to talk properly because previous times, you and a few others have had to drag him indoors.’ She explained.

Vivian nodded.

‘I just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve been doing. He tells me that you read to him, that’s really nice.’

‘Don’t stress it. I get paid to do that.’ She said waving it off.

‘So, tell me, how bad has he been lately? I know he’s just putting up an act. And, with you milling about, I know something is terribly wrong.’

Vivian winced, pulled off her glasses and stuffed into her breast pocket.

‘Really bad. Really bad. Sometimes, it takes days for him to snap out of one episode. But, the upside is this. He can stay coherent for hours or days. But when it starts, it’s really bad. You see his nose got broken. One of his episodes started and before we could get it under control, he attacked another patient. That patient broke his nose. We got it fixed but still… if it gets worst, your visiting pass could be revoked or you’d get to see him all chained up.’

None of those options seemed appealing to Clarissa. The thought of seeing Chance in chains made her shudder.

‘Has been taking his drugs?’ Clarissa asked.

‘He takes them but they don’t seem to be doing anything to help him out. And, we have to very careful with those drugs. An over dose could kill him. We’re already giving him doses which are higher than normal. Only the sedatives seem to be working on him. Anti-neurotic drugs don’t work anymore, so we’ve stopped those.’

Clarissa folded her lips into a thin line. This was serious.

She forced a smile on her face.

‘Help me do something. Make sure he takes enough food and fruits. He looks too thin. Can you do that for me?’ she asked and the Nurse nodded.

‘Thank you so much.’

With that, she walked back to Marley and Chance, her mind heavy with swirling thoughts.

In the car on their way back, an uncomfortable silence settled between Clarissa and Marley. Each of them caught up in their own taught.

Clarissa broke the silence this time.

‘You know he’s getting worse. This is the calm before the storm.’ She saw Marley tighten his hold on the wheel.

She continued ‘I wonder when he’ll finally break. I just wonder.’

‘You knew he was getting worse, why’d you give him force hopes about re-entering the society? Why did you get his hopes high?’ Marley said through gritted teeth.

‘He was trying to be normal for you. Couldn’t you see it? I saw his eyes lids twitching and his fingers shaking. I just to make him believe that we didn’t see through the façade. He needed us to be normal and not dwell on his illness.’

‘I hope you tell him that when he’s screaming down the whole ward saying he wants to go spend Christmas with us.’ Marley said a little bit coldly.

A terse silence settled between them again.

Clarissa gently rubbed the bracelet on her wrist to calm herself. It wasn’t the first time she had argued with Marley. He would come around later to see reasons with her.

Her hand strayed to the piece of paper in her pocket. The old lady whom she had come to know as Mrs. Beatrice frost, had sneaked into her pocket as they walked past the waiting room. She had written down her address on it. She remembered the old lady saying that they were still waiting for the nurses to convince her daughter to come see them. There was every chance that her brother could end up like that Mrs. Frost’s daughter. She shuddered at that thought.

Mrs. Frost’s question echoed over and over in her mind.

They don’t ever get better, do they?

Marley watched Clarissa fiddling with something in the pocket of her coat. Her face looked drawn, she had lost a few pounds this past month. He had known his sister as being stubborn. That hadn’t changed either. Their little heated argument had proved it.

He pondered on Chance’s last words to him before they’d left the osward home.

‘They’ve started coming for her, right? You have to make sure you take care of her.’

Those ominous words reverberated over and again in his mind. Who were the they? Or were they just the ramblings of demented man. He wouldn’t put it past him to make up something from his imagination. Still he had sounded like Chance and not like a raving man.

The clutched the wheels tighter than he had earlier, so much that his knuckles went white. He hated not knowing things. He hated puzzles because they drove him crazy. He wouldn’t… couldn’t rest till he had his answers, clear and right in front of him.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He wouldn’t let those thoughts spoil his thanksgiving. He had planned to introduce Clarissa to his girlfriend. All he had to do was put everything that had happened here inside a box and stuff it where he kept others like it.