Six

Ethan

My eyes grew alert immediately. His words hit me hard like a brick thrown to my forehead. It was painful and scary. This entire time, I had never thought of the event of a divorce. It hadn’t come to mind even once.

A life without Patricia. A life where I could see Nelly only on certain days of the week. No, I couldn’t picture it. “A divorce?”

Dad smiled weakly. “I can see you haven’t thought about it.”

He stretched his arms over the counter and placed his hands over mine. I bowed my head, trying to hide the other round of tears that threatened to fall.

“I can’t give you any sweet words, son,” he said. “It has always been one of my fervent prayers that you never experience what I did with your mother. A divorce might seem like the most reasonable solution, but it’s all up to you. If you can find a way around this…excellent, but if not, do what you must. In everything, just think about Nellana. That’s a sure way to know what’s best.”

I drew my hands back and cleaned my face.

Nelly was my sunshine. I couldn’t possibly let this affect her. I wouldn’t forgive myself if my misery got in the way of her happiness. “I won’t neglect her.”

“You shouldn’t.”

I took my glass and downed the rest of the drink, sighing as I put the glass down finally.

“How’s Patricia anyway?”

I stared down at my empty glass. “I don’t know.”

“Have you guys talked about this?”

 “Not really, but I can’t right now.”

“I’m really sorry you have to go through this.”

I scoffed. “Why are you sorry?”

“Do you think she’s remorseful?”

I pushed the stool back, getting up to collect the glasses. As I had guessed, he hadn’t touched his. “She’s acting the part for sure.”

Dad stood and faced me after I turned from the cabinet, matching my height. He looked me straight in the eyes with a serious expression on his face. “Do you think you can forgive her?”

At that moment, anger was all I felt. Maybe I wasn’t thinking straight, but I felt like I was being honest. Between Patricia and me, one of us had to be. “I don’t think so.”

******

I got home a few minutes to two am. All the inner lights were off, so I assumed they were all asleep.  I grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen before heading upstairs. I climbed the stairs leisurely, purposely stalling. I didn’t think I could be in the same room as her without going crazy.

I opened the door to Nelly’s room and walked inside. She was lying on her tummy, lips parted slightly as she breathed slowly. She was in her favourite nightie. It had faded so much, but she still didn’t want to give it up. I still couldn’t tell whether she took her stubbornness from her mom or from me.

I bent over and kissed her cheek, clearing her face of her hair before leaving the room.

The first thing I noticed when I entered my bedroom was the light that dimly illuminated the room. I looked towards the bed and realised the light was coming from Patricia’s phone.

I walked towards her side of her bed to turn her phone off. When I slid the phone from her hand, I realised she had been texting someone before she fell asleep.

Hey.

You don’t really have to respond. I just want to know if you're alright.

Where are you Ethan?

I'm sorry. Just tell me your safe.

She had been texting me.

I exhaled deeply and switched it off. I hadn’t ignored her on purpose. I didn’t even have the chance to. My phone was switched off. I looked from her phone to her face. She was fast asleep, but I could tell she had been waiting up for me. she looked innocent and beautiful as always. It was the first time in a long time that I had looked at her so intensely. I almost, almost felt like joining her in the bed and gathering her in my arms.

Wishful thinking.

I automatically imagined her cuddling in this same bed with Bryce Kenaz. I couldn’t see her as my wife anymore. She was now something far from my reach. A lost dream, a vanished hope. Someone else’s possession.

Would I be fine without you?