Chapter 7

Hate

I don’t know what’ve gotten into me and why I did that. I just felt the need to rely on someone, to ease the heaviness inside me. And he was the one who’s there, in front of me.

His manly scent filled my nose. It’s intoxicating that I almost forgot why I am actually doing this.

It took me awhile to calm myself. Nanatili naman siyang nakayakap sa akin, inaalo ako. Silence filled both of us until I realized what I just did. Daglian akong kumalas at mabilis na nagpunas ng luha.

“I’m sorry,” my voice hoarse from all the crying.

Ngayong nahimasmasan ay saka ko lang na-realize kung gaano ka nakakahiya ang ginawa ko. He didn’t say anything. Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin, nakapaskil sa mga mata ang awa. Seeing him pity me is insulting. Pero kahit sino naman siguro ganoon ang mararamdaman, ang kaawan ako. After all, he heard my confession and how I got rejected, not just once but twice.

“Don’t pity me. I don’t need it. Isa pa, hindi nagtatapos dito ang lahat,” matigas kong sabi.

He scoffed and smirked sarcastically, ngunit kita ko ang galit na agad bumalatay sa kanyang mukha.

“Pagkatapos kang paulit-ulit na tanggihan, hindi ka pa rin nadadala?”

Muling sumungaw ang galit ko sa sinabi niya. Ayos na sana eh. Maa-appreciate ko na sana siya ng kaunti kung hindi lang talaga matalas ang dila niya. I glared at him.

“Don’t act as if you know everything. Clearly, wala kang alam. At ano naman sa iyo kung ipagpilitan ko ang sarili ko sa taong mahal ko? As far as I know, wala ka na roon,” I said angrily.

Nilagpasan ko siya pero napigilan niya ako sa braso. I pulled my arm back but his grip only tightened.

“You really are a brat. Ba’t hindi mo nalang tanggapin na hindi ka niya mahal, at hindi ka niya mamahalin kahit ano’ng gawin mo?” Mariin niyang tanong.

Sa sobrang galit ay naitulak ko siya ng malakas. That was the last straw and I totally lost it!

“How dare you say that?!” Sigaw ko habang hinahampas siya sa d****b. “Damn you! I really hate you!”

He held both my hands and placed them behind me. Patuloy akong nagpumiglas hanggang sa tuluyang nanghina. My cheeks drenched with tears.

“Someone has to knock some sense on you! Masyado ka nang nabubulag ng nararamdaman mo sa kanya. You don’t see reasons anymore,” he sighed. Ang mga mata ay namumungay habang mariing nakatitig sa akin. “I’m sorry, I had to say that. Pero kung iyan ang gusto mo, eh di sige. Go ahead.”

He slowly let go of me. Nanghihina kong ibinalanse ang sarili. He stood not too far from me.

“You would still go after him, huh? Kahit ilang beses ka na niyang tinanggihan,” he nodded while looking away.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. For a moment, his words struck me. He’s making me feel hopeless. At habang paulit-ulit niyang pinamumukha sa akin kung gaano kaayaw ni Xander sa akin, nawawalan din ako ng pag-asa. Is it really worth it? To fight for something alone? To pursue something very uncertain?

But the hard-headed and stubborn in me is saying otherwise. That I should go for it despite the uncertainty, despite the rejections and pain. Para wala akong pagsisihan sa huli.

I slowly turned my back on him and walked away.

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“You girls go ahead. Ihatid ko lang itong mga libro sa locker ko,” I said to them when the last class for the day ended.

Tumango naman silang dalawa.

“Hintayin ka namin sa parking,” Elize said.

I nodded and continued arranging my things. Sa kabilang building pa ang locker room kaya matatagalan pa ako. Girls locker room is separated from the boys. Naroon din kasi ang mga restrooms kaya pinaghiwalay.

Iilang mga estudyante rin ang nakasalubong ko. Ang ilan ay kung hindi maiilang, ay kakaiba naman ang titig na ipinupukol sa akin. I ignored their stares and continued walking.

Tahimik ang buong locker room nang makarating ako. Tanging ang pagbubukas ko nito ang naririnig kong ingay.

Patapos na ako sa paglalagay ng mga libro sa loob nang makarinig ng mga yapak mula sa labas. I closed my locker and turned to see who came. Bahagya akong natigilan nang si Trina ang nakita. My brows shot up and glared at her. She’s alone, wala ang kanyang mga alipores.

“Hi, Cianna!” She smirked.

“What now?”

“Wala naman, gusto lang kitang makausap.” Her look menacing.

Sarkastiko siyang ngumiti habang tinitingnan ako mula ulo hanggang paa. I did the same, but I made sure it’s more insulting and sarcastic.

“By the way, I heard an interesting news. Don’t worry hindi ako narito para makipag-away. At hindi na rin ako nag-aalala na aagawin mo si Lance,” she smirked.

My brows furrowed. She scoffed then laughed.

“You’re crazy,” I said.

“Oh! I’m sorry. Natatawa lang talaga ako sa naaalala ko. Someone told me you confessed to Xander but got rejected. Hindi nga ako naniniwala eh, pero reliable kasi ang nagsabi sa akin. At siya mismo nakita niya,” she laughed again.

Agad binundol ng kaba ang d****b ko. My hand shook out of anger.

“Can you believe that?” Iling niya. “Anyways, I’m sure kalat na rin ang balitang iyan sa buong department niyo. Akalain mo iyon, the high and mighty Cianna Juarez got rejected?”

“You!” Gigil kong sigaw. I was about to drag her hair when she dodged.

“Opps! Ingat ka, baka ikaw ang mapatawag sa Counselor pag ginawa mo iyan,” she laughed evilly then walked out.

Gigil akong nagkuyom ng kamao. I was so close to dragging her hair like a savage beast! Kung sinuman ang nagsabi niyon sa babaeng iyon ay mananagot ng husto!

I ignored the curious looks the students throw at me as I walk towards the parking lot. Naghihintay sa akin ang dalawa.

“Let’s go?” Salubong ni Maisie sa akin.

They both looked at me innocently. Kung isa man sa kanila ang nagkalat noon, I would be really disappointed.

“Trina talked to me,” simula ko. They both turned to me, worried. “Nalaman niyang nag-confess ako kay Xander. And that I got rejected,” I continued as I watched their reactions closely. Pareho silang nanlalaki ang mga mata.

“What? Paano niya nalaman?” Elize asked.

“She said someone told her,” I sighed.

I guess it’s not them. Kung ganoon, sino?

“May nakarinig ba ng pag-uusap niyo ng araw na iyon? Or someone saw it?”

Pilit kong inalala ang nangyari ng araw na iyon. I was too down that day that I didn’t even think about someone seeing my confession. Si Santi lang ang nakita ko ng araw na iyon… Oh my gosh! Santi saw it! Ibig sabihin siya ang nagsabi?!

Hindi ko pa man nakukumpirmang siya nga ay malakas na ang kutob ko. I didn’t saw anyone that day aside from him. Uwian na ng mga oras na iyon kaya sigurado akong bukod sa kanya ay wala ng nakakitang iba.

My heart boomed with anger. I’m trying to justify what he did inside my head, kung sakaling siya man. Pero hindi ko talaga mahanapan ng magandang rason. What would he gain from it kung sakaling siya nga? I don’t know.

I tried to remember all our encounters. Ang tanging tumatak sa akin ay ang huli naming pag-uusap. He was angry. Dahil ba pinagpipilitan ko ang sarili ko kay Xander? Is that it? Sapat na ba iyon para hiyain niya ako ng ganito? Damn him, then! He messed up with the wrong person!

My grip on the steering wheel tightened. Nag-iisip ako ng gagawin kung paano makakaganti sa ginawa niya. I won’t just confront him with it. I want to get even. Childish na kung childish, wala akong pakialam. Iyon din naman ang ginawa niya. How dare he say that to everyone?!

I opened my window for some fresh air. Matatayog na puno ng mangga ang nadaanan ko sa gilid ng highway. Then I noticed a delivery truck in front of me. Puno iyon ng mga basket na may lamang mga hinog ng mangga. That’s when I remember their family business.

I smirked evilly when an idea flashed my mind. Of course it won’t be me who’s doing it.

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Maaga ako sa school kinabukasan. Having my revenge planned out in mind, I graced the hallways towards the school grounds. Hindi nakaligtas sa paningin ko ang bulong-bulongan ng mga estudyante nang makita ako. Lalo lang umigting ang kagustuhan kong makaganti.

Lance smiled at me when I got to where he’s sitting. Nasa mga mata ang pagtatanong at pag-aalala. Napatiim-bagang ako. I know he’d heard it too.

“Are you okay?”

Gusto ko siyang barahin sa tanong niyang iyon pero pinigilan ko ang sarili. I rolled my eyes. Pabagsak akong naupo sa tabi niya.

“Your offer still stands right?”

I asked while looking at the green field where soccer players are practicing. He became more attentive.

“Of course! Have you thought about it?” Excitement etched in his voice.

Marahan akong tumango.

“Sa isang kondisyon…”

I smirked when I saw his reaction. Magkahalong gulat at takot. Yes, that’s how evil my revenge is. Si Santi naman ang nagsimula ng lahat. I’m just returning the favor.

“Pero… hindi ba masyadong delikado ang pinagagawa mo?” Nag-aalangan niyang tanong.

I rolled my eyes.

“Oh come on! It’s not like you’re gonna kill someone. And beside, it’s your preliminary project that’s at stake here.”

Ilang sandali siyang natahimik at nag-isip. Inip ko siyang tinitigan.

“Are you doing it or not? Dahil kung hindi mo kaya, maghahanap nalang ako ng iba,” I said, impatient.

Akma na akong tatayo nang pigilan niya ako. I smirked.

“I’ll do it!”

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I can’t help checking my wrist watch every now and then. Malapit nang mag alas tres ng hapon. Nagawa niya na kaya?

I checked my phone once again at nang makitang walang text o tawag mula kay Lance ay ibinalik ang tingin sa professor. I stared at the wall clock and when it striked three, dali-dali kong kinuha ang cellphone at i-dinial ang number ni Lance.

“How is it?” I asked when he answered my call.

“Tapos na.”

I smirked. Tuluyan din akong nakahinga ng maluwag. I know it sounds stupid and childish but I felt a lot better now knowing I got even.

To be continued...