Passionate Mistake

*click*

I positioned my body for another pose. I raised my face while showcasing a seductive look. Bahagya ko ring iniawang ang mga labi habang pagilid na nakaharap sa camera.

*click*

"Great job Cian! Ngayon naman move closer to your partner!"

This is the world where I belong. Where flashes are directed at me and fame seemed to be my only friend. I enjoy being the center of people's attention. I love to see their faces amazed and fascinated with me.

I lifted my gaze on Jacob. Marahan niya akong hinila at pinaglapit ang mga katawan namin. I cleared my throat when a memory flashed in my mind the moment our bodies touched.

I am wearing Ivory's main design for her lingerie line which will be released next month. Ako rin ang magiging cover ng magazine for the same month's issue.

I put my hand on Jacob's veined arms as I stare at him.

"Show me some passion and desire you two!"

He pulled me closer to him as he let out a soft sigh. He smirked at me. Marahan ko siyang itinulak palayo nang matapos kuhanan sa pose na iyon.

"Not in the mood?" Ngingisi-ngising aniya.

Sabay kaming humarap sa camera.

"Nope."

I rolled my eyes as we positioned for another pose.

"Then... can you join the party later?"

Hindi ako agad nakasagot. Iniisip ko pa kung magandang ideya ba ang uminom pagkatapos nito. Because the last time I partied and got drunk... something terrible happened.

"Elize and Maisie will be there, too. Palagi nilang tinatanong sa akin kung kailan ka ulit magpapakita sa kanila."

I have not been myself the past weeks. I admit that. Na-guilty tuloy ako nang mabanggit niya ang mga kaibigan.

"I'll contact them soon. I don't think I can join the party later, sorry."

"Cian, talikod ka ng kaunti kay Jacob. Jake, hold her waist from behind," the photographer commanded.

He went behind me slowly. Marahang naglandas ang kamay niya sa walang saplot kong baywang. I gasped when I couldn't ignore the flow of memories anymore.

I felt the familiar sensation I felt with that man's touch that night. Bawat bulong, bawat halik, bawat haplos. It all came to me like a storm.

Mariin akong pumikit para pawiin ang mga ala-ala. But the more I close my eyes, the more the memories became vivid.

"You're mine. Mine alone," he whispered dangerously against my ear as he claimed me over and over again.

Marahas kong binaklas ang kamay ni Jacob na nakahawak sa tiyan ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata nila sa ginawa ko. Doon lang ako tila natauhan.

"I-I'm sorry. C-Can we take a quick break?"

"O-Oh sure. Let's take a fifteen minute break," ani Lance habang marahang binababa ang hawak na camera.

Daglian akong nilapitan ng aking assistant. I covered myself with a robe and sat on the chair intended for me. Inabot ko rin ang bote ng tubig at uminom.

This is not me, I kept telling myself. I am always professional when it comes to work. I don't let my issues affect it in any way. Pero bakit parang kayhirap niyong gawin ngayon?

I massaged my temple as I tried to contemplate what I did. It was very unprofessional! Ano nalang ang sasabihin ng mga taong narito at lalo na ni Ivory? She trusted me with this and I can't let her down. I won't.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Jacob's voice woke me up from my reverie.

"Yup. I'm sorry, medyo napagod lang."

I managed to pull off the shoot kahit pa gulong-gulo ang isip ko sa mga ala-ala ng gabing iyon. I decided to go to the after party, too. Baka sakaling mabawasan ang mga naiisip.

"We thought you wouldn't come!" Maisie exclaimed when she saw me grace my way towards their table.

Naroon na rin si Jacob at ilan sa mga modelong kaibigan namin. Ang mga kaibigan ko lang yata ang naiiba dahil hindi naman sila models. I smiled at them both and hugged them tight.

"Sabi ni Jacob masama raw ang pakiramdam mo kanina," Elize said as she watched me closely.

I rolled my eyes at ibinaling ang tingin kay Jacob na nasa kabilang table lang din. He nodded at me and smiled. Marahan din akong kumaway sa mga kasama niya sa table.

"Pagod lang."

Bahagya akong nahilo sa patay-sinding ilaw. I guess I'm not used to it anymore, huh? Eh mahigit isang buwan lang naman mula noong huli akong uminom.

That mere thought brought back fragmented memories.

"I hate you," I whispered against his lips. Ang tingin ay hindi na mapirmi sa matinding hilo.

"You're seriously saying that when I can literally feel you trembling with my every touch," he smirked darkly and claimed my lips for a painful kiss.

I moaned in pain and pleasure as he pushed me against the wall.

"Cian? Are you okay? You don't look well."

I snapped back to reality when Elize said that. Ngumiti ako sa kanilang dalawa para ipakitang ayos lang ako.

"Yeah, yeah of course. May naalala lang," I smiled.

We started to drink. Inalis ko rin sa isip ko ang mga nangyari ng gabing iyon. That's what I should do. Lalo pa't iyon naman ang dapat.

We were in the middle of talking and I was on my second shot of tequila when my vision became a blur. Hindi pa nagtagal ay naduwal ako. I saw the worried expressions on my friends' faces but that's the least of my concern now!

I hurried to the comfort room at doon nagsuka. Wala naman ibang lumalabas kundi laway. Umiikot pa ang paningin ko nang tuluyang matapos.

Tigagal akong napatitig sa sarili sa harap ng salamin. I am not even tipsy yet at pangalawang shot glass ko pa lang iyon ng tequila. Imposibleng malasing ako sa iisang baso lang!

A thought flashed in my mind which I dismissed immediately. No, no. I can't possibly be... damn it! No way!

Saka ko lang din naalalang higit isang buwan na akong hindi dinadatnan. Tuluyang binundol ng kaba ang dibdib ko.

I tried to calm myself when I heard my friends calling me outside the cubicle. Nakangiti ko silang tiningnan, wala ng bakas ng matinding hilo at pagsusuka.

"Cian! What happened? Ayos ka lang ba?" Halos maghisterya si Maisie nang sabihin iyon.

"You know what? Kanina ko pa napapansin. You don't look okay. May sakit ka ba?" Si Elize.

I chuckled.

"Girls, I'm fine. Ano ba kayo? May nakain lang siguro akong hindi maganda. It's nothing serious," I chuckled as I wash my hands.

"Siguro dapat umuwi ka na muna at magpahinga. Baka dahil sa sobrang pagod iyan," Maisie suggested.

Iyon nga ang ginawa ko. Hinatid pa nila ako sa parking lot saka umalis din para umuwi na. I felt bad, really. Kung hindi lang sumama ang pakiramdam ko, hindi sana sila mapipilitang umuwi rin.

I can't help thinking about the possibilities. As much as I want to ignore it, pilit iyong sumisingit sa utak ko. 

I don't know what've gotten into me that I bought five pregnancy tests kit. Tila lutang pa ako habang binibili ang mga iyon.

I wanted to cry when I saw the result of the fifth one. Hindi ako nakuntento sa isa at sinubukan ko ang lahat ng iyon. Pero iisang resulta ang lumabas.

Two lines. Positive.

I might be hallucinating. I wish I was. I hoped everything that's happening is just a bad dream. I refuse to believe it. I can't. Iisipin ko pa lang ang mga maaaring mangyari pagkatapos nito, nawawalan na ako ng lakas.

I can't possibly be pregnant. Not with his child. Not with him.