The Reckoning

ALEENA's POV

I lay on my bed, still feeling the touch of his fingers on my body. 

I tried to replicate the exact pressure of his fingers,but it was useless. My own touch was too soft and aware of itself. His fingers had known exactly where to go, exactly how much pressure to apply, and how to leave me wanting more.

I traced the line from my shoulder to my throat, but my body was still. It did not arch forward the way it did when Professor Lorcan's hand was on my skin.

I moved my hand lower, following the path his hands had taken down to the hem of the leather top he made me wear, while replaying the sound of his voice against my ear and the warmth of his breath against my neck.

I slid my hand beneath the waist band of my shorts and touched myself, still trying to get the feeling of his fingers by drawing circles against my thigh. It worked for a while, and I imagined it was his hand inside me, whispering in my ear, telling me I was beautiful, his other hand pressing into my hips and his warm lips finding my neck. 

I bit down hard on my pillow, trying not to make a sound because Mira was sleeping soundly beside me, and there was no way I could explain to her that I was fantasizing about Professor Lorcan touching me.

My breathing pace increased as I felt the weight of my release pool in the lower part of my tummy, and I increased my pace, biting harder on the pillow. My toes curled as I came undone, harder than I had in months.

A wave of ecstasy washed through me as I lay in the dark—my breathing returning to the normal pace, my hand still between my thighs.

I felt nothing but shame because I had started this whole thing as a revenge plan. I was supposed to be the one seducing him, not fantasizing about him. I was supposed to be the one in control, not the other way around. 

But I had touched myself, thinking about a man who had barely touched me at all. And the worst part was that I wanted more of it—I wanted to go back, I wanted him to look at me again, and whatever that came next, even though I did not know what it was. And I hated myself for thinking that way.

I fell asleep thinking about him.

********

The next morning, my phone buzzed me awake. I picked it up and saw that it was a text from an unknown number. “Did you sleep well Miss Marsh?” It read.

I remembered the scene from last night and my face heated up in embarrassment. I didn't respond to the text, I just deleted it, pulled the covers from my body and stood up to prepare for class.

I looked up and saw Mira staring at me wide eyed, the hot comb in her hand suspended in mid air.

“Geez girl, what text had you blushing so early in the morning huh?” She said and wriggled her brows playfully.

“Huh? what text?” I said, rubbing my eyes, feigning ignorance.

She tilted her head, “I dunno girl, but you've been kinda secretive lately. You used to tell me everything.”

I forced a smile, “It's nothing Mira, I'm just stressed about finals.”

“But finals are five months away and… you wouldn't tell me that it was a text about finals that made you blush immediately you got up from bed.” She said, raising a brow.

“No—It's about something else… I don't know… Ughhh, leave me alone, Mira.” I said in a wimpy voice, covering my face with my palms.

She giggled, “Oh, I'll leave you alone Aleena. But—you definitely won't escape telling me who that new boy is.” She nudged me with her shoulder.

“It's no one, okay. Now it's time for you to leave for class.” I picked up her bag from the bed, collected the hot comb from her, and pushed her out of the room. “Here, take this, I'll meet you in class.” I handed her the bag and closed the door, my back resting against it.

She laughed again, “You won't escape this Leena, I'll find out sooner or later.” Mira said and walked away.

I heaved a sigh of relief, then I went to prepare for class.

—

I walked into class that morning, my head held high. I had dressed carefully, not seductively, because the one person I was dressing up for had already noticed me. I wore a blue sweater that slipped off on one shoulder paired with baggy jeans. I let my hair down instead of its usual ponytail, and my bangs parted in the middle.

My eyes scanned the class and I saw Mira, sitting in the middle row and I walked towards her in confident strides and settled down on the empty seat beside her.

“Look who finally decided to come to me.” Mira said looking up from her phone, smiling.

“Ugh, not now Mira.” I said with a pleading gaze.

She nodded, “Yeah yeah, not now.” She said, intentionally dragging the ‘now.’

I was still talking to Mira when I heard loud murmurs in the class. I raised my head up and saw Xavier with another girl, walking into the class.

The girl was very pretty with full curves. Her hand was clung on his shoulders, her body leaning into him. She was laughing at something Xavier said, then he leaned closer to her his mouth brushing her ears. I watched them and I felt nothing.

That was the strange part—six weeks ago, If I had seen Xavier with another woman, it would have sent me into a spiral of humiliation and rage.

I would have analyzed every detail of her appearance and compared it to my own. I would have gone to my dorm, cried in Mira’s arm, looking for the moment where he stopped loving me, assuming I was the problem and maybe I was not enough.

But now I looked at him and saw a rich boy. A boy who had always tried to be like his professor because he had no thoughts of his own. A boy who cheated on me because he felt like he could no longer control me and needed a quick out. He was not worth the revenge I had planned, not worth the energy I had spent hating him, not worth anything at all.

As Xavier and the new girl walked towards their seats, he noticed me, then he winked and smirked at me. I almost puked from what he did.

“What the hell?” I scrunched my face in disgust as I turned to face Mira. “Did you see what he did? Oh my gosh, how dare he? Does he know how ugly he looked when he did that?” I said clenching my fists.

“Calm down girl,” Mira laughed. “He's just trying to get to you, so don't let him.”

“I'm not letting him get to me Mira, he just disgusts me suddenly and you know I even thought—”

“My oh my, he is definitely looking hot today.” Mira said, her hands supporting her cheeks as she smiled, looking forward.

I stared at Mira, my eyes wide in shock. “What? Mira are you silly? How dare you defend Xavier? Why would you say something like—”

She tapped me on the head slightly, “Shut up you fool, I'm not talking about Xavier.” She gestured to the front of the class, “I'm talking about him.” Her voice went soft as she placed her hand back under her cheek and continued smiling.

I looked forward and saw who she was talking about.

It was Professor Lorcan, standing at the podium, looking extremely dreamy today. I forgot how to breathe when he raised his head and his gaze landed directly on me.