Psycho Secrets

“Congratulations Mrs. Velasquez, you're 8 weeks pregnant!” Tila tumigil ang mundo ko sa mga katagang binigkas ng OB ko.

I have a hunch na baka buntis ako, but now that I heard it hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. I’m happy, and afraid at the same time.

I’m gonna be a mother! Magkaka-anak na kami ni Desmond.

I can’t wait to see his reaction.

“COME home early tonight, Desmond. We’ll have dinner together.” I was planning to tell him on our special day about our soon-to-be baby.

“Okay.” Sagot ni Desmond sa kabilang linya. Ilang linggo na rin simula ng malaman ko na buntis ako. Hindi naman naging mahirap ang pagpipigil kong sabihin kay Desmond kasi may business trip siya ng mga nakaraang linggo at sakto uuwi na siya ngayon.

Tonight, on the last minute of our wedding anniversary, I'll tell him about my pregnancy.

FOR the nth time I look at the clock,It’s already 9PM pero wala pa rin siya. I tried calling him but he never answered.

I’m getting worried so I called Enzo, one of Desmond’s best friends.

“Hi Mrs. Velasquez, what’s the matter?” He energetically greeted me as soon as he answered my call.

“Hi Enzo, Kasama mo ba si Desmond?” I ask as I walk back and forth in our living room.

“Oh no, I’m with Nick. Why?” I bit my nails because of nervousness as I look at the hand of the clock that keeps ticking.

“Hindi pa kasi umuuwi, can you call me if ever calls you.” I anxiously said. Nag aalala na ako sa kanya, he wasn’t like this before.

“Copy that ma’am!” Enzo replied and I ended the call.

I called him non-stop at napatayo ako sa kina-uupuan ko ng sumagot si Desmond. Thank God!

“Nasaan ka na? Pauwi ka na ba?” Sunod-sunod kong tanong. Pero para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ng nagsalita ang nasa kabilang telepono. It’s her…

“Hello, my dear sister, how are you!? I missed you!” Hindi ako naka sagot agad. I composed myself first before talking, ayokong mag-overthink dahil lang dito.

It might be just a coincidence.

“Are you still there my dear sister? Sorry Mondy is still in the bathroom so he can't talk to you.” I don’t know what to say or to react. Hindi rin ako makapagsalita, tila ba may nakabara sa lalamunan ko.

“I suggest that you shouldn't wait for him, He’s so tired from our trip kasi.” No she’s lying!

“No, I don’t believe you! He was on a business trip!” I shouted.

“Who’s that Sam?” Narinig kong sabi ng boses sa kabilang linya. It’s him. It’s my husband, Desmond.

“Nothing important, babe.” She said and hung up the phone. I wasn’t able to talk again when I heard his voice pero walang tigil na tumulo ang mga luha ko. My husband was with my sister, he lied to me.

But why? I thought I already replaced her in his life?

~~

“Mondy! Are you going? Can't you stay? We just got back from our flight. You should stay with me and rest.” She said as I walked to my luggage. I missed her. But there's a part of me saying that this is wrong. My wife is waiting.

“Please? I was so tired from our flight, I need you.” She pleaded and hugged from behind. Wake up, Desmond… Isn’t this what you want for a long time?

Ang makuha ang atensyon ni Samantha, the girl you truly love.

“Okay.” I held her hands and kissed her forehead. “Let’s rest.”

I CHECK my phone at bumungad sa akin ang messages at missed call ni Yvonne. 

“Umuwi ka ng maaga ha, I'll cook dinner. Hihintayin kita”

“I prepared our dinner!”

“I can't wait to see you!” 

“I miss you! Ingat sa pag uwi!”

“Nasaan kana?”

“I'm worried”

“Call me when you read this.”

“Why are you not answering? Are you okay?”

These are just some of Yvonne's messages. I looked at Samantha who was sleeping beside me. 

I didn't know why I threw my phone away, the only thing I know is that I felt betrayed and angry from what I saw. It was Yvonne, my wife with a man, kissing. She's kissing the man I hate the most! 

How could she do this to me?? 

Isang malakas na pagsara ng pinto ang gumising sa akin, nakatulog na pala ako dahil sa sobrang pag-iyak.

“YVONNE!!” a familiar voice called my name, Desmond… Paulit-ulit niyang sinigaw ang pangalan ko. Dali-dali akong tumayo para salubungin siya.

“D-Desmond? You're here!” I hugged him so tight but he pushed me away.

“Bitawan mo ako!” his eyes darkened as he met my eyes. 

“Nasaan ang kabit mo! Nasaan!” sigaw niya ng makalapit siya sa akin. He reeks of alcohol and his hair is messy even his polo.

Why is he accusing me like this? Ako nga ang dapat magalit dahil ilang linggo niyang kasama ang sister ko sa ibang bansa, while I'm here alone pregnant with his child.

“Ha? Anong sinasabi mo?” I ask him angrily. 

“You're the one who is with my sister!” Kita sa mata niya ng pagkagulat, pero agad rin itong nawala ng kunin niya ang cellphone niya at tinapon papunta sa akin. Muntik na akong matamaan nito, buti na lang at naka-iwas ako.

“Now, tell me that it's not you!” I pick up the phone and check the photo he’s saying. 

It was me…with Nick. Kissing.

Napalingon ako kay Desmond, he looks pissed, disappointed and angry. 

Where did he get this?

“Hindi ako ito Desmond, maniwala ka.” I reached his hands and pleaded, it wasn’t me. I never met Nick for the past weeks. I was busy designing Yan-Yan’s room, our child’s room.

“Anong hindi ha!? Ayan na oh, yan ang ebidensya! Don’t lie to me!” Inalis niya ang kamay kong nakahawak sa kanya at tinalikuran ako.

“Hindi ako nagsisinungaling! That’s edited!” I followed him to our room.

“The person who sent you that photo just wants us to fight! Please believe me, Desmond. I would never cheat on you.” Desmond ignored me and packed his clothes. 

“Where are you going?” He looked at me blankly. Tila ba wala itong ganang sagutin ang tanong ko.

“And who do you think in their right mind would do that?” He said ignoring my question

“SI SAMANTHA! Siya lang naman ng gusto kang maagaw sa akin!” As I mentioned her name he walked towards me and pinned me to the wall. Napapikit ao sa sakit ng likod ko dahil gulat sa ginawa niya. I look at his eyes na halos matunaw na ako sa sobrang talim ng tingin niya sa akin.

“I was never yours, Yvonne. Don’t you dare accuse her again.” He said and turned his back on me to get his luggage. 

“Desmond, I’m sorry… Please, I'll do everything. Don’t leave me, I need you!” I hugged him from behind, pero inalis niya lang ang kamay kong nakapulupot sa kanya at lumabas ng kwarto.

I call his name multiple times but he never looked back, para bang hinihintay niya lang na magkamali ako para maiwan niya ako. But that wasn’t me…

I never cheated. He did.

~~

“ANO ba yang ginagawa mo sa sarili mo?” Pagsesermon sa akin ni Allyson ang bestfriend ko.

It's been 2 weeks since Desmond left and never came back, Allyson stayed with me and never left my side. Kung hindi dahil sa kanya ay nabaliw na siguro ako sa pangungulila at lungkot, pero umaasa pa rin ako na baka bumalik siya at maging okay kami ulit.

I can’t lose hope. Not now.

“Tama na, Yvonne. Ikaw na lang ang lumalaban, simula noon ikaw na lang lagi ang lumalaban sa relasyon niyo!” Niyakap niya ako ng tumulo ulit ang mga luha sa mata ko.

“Tama na! Hindi lang ikaw ang naapektuhan! Nasasaktan akong nakikita kang ganyan!” I didn’t speak and hugged her back.

It hurts… Hindi ko alam kung paano ako babangon ulit.

“Kahit hindi na lang ako ang isipin mo, alang-alang na lang diyan sa bata na nasa sinapupunan mo.” Lalo akong napahagulgol sa sinabi niya. Hinaplos ko ang aking tiyan na unti-unti ng lumalaki at nagiging halata ang baby bump.

“What did I do wrong, Ally? What am I missing?” I ask her with tears falling down on my cheeks.

“I gave him everything, halos wala na akong itira para sa sarili ko” For 2 years that we’ve been together my world revolves around him. At ngayon hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. I thought he would learn how to love me if I gave him everything, but I was wrong I could never replace her in his life.

“Choose yourself and your child.” Allyson patted my head, calming me down.

Maybe this is the time na sarili ko naman ang unahin ko, at ang magiging anak ko. I’m tired of forcing someone to love and accept me from who I was. I'm tired of begging for love.

—

Desmond,

I'm setting you free. Please be happy with her. I'm sorry for being a burden to you. I hope you live the life you always wanted. Take care, I love you…always.

~Love,

Yvonne.