Chapter 13

Ryder’s POV

 

Steam lifted the sweet smell of hot chocolate into my nostrils as I walked out of the kitchen, cup held a safe distance from my shirt as the heat contrasted with the cold patch of drying tears that stuck the fabric to my skin.

 

Carefully, I walked up the stairs to my room and pushed the door open to find Zach blowing his nose into the wipes I’d handed him.

 

He looked up at me and his eyes still had that puffy look that made my chest tighten.

 

I couldn’t figure out why, and the memory of pressing his head against my chest still burned into my head. A part of me wanted to feel guilty for it but at the same time, it felt like that was the right thing to do at the time.

 

I have never been so confused.

 

“Here,” I kept my voice low as I handed him the cup carefully. It had taken a lot of effort to get him to come upstairs, and even more for him to agree to the hot chocolate.

 

He took it with a mutter of thank you and I grabbed a seat, keeping some distance between us as I sat.

 

I told myself that it was because I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea, but in truth, I didn’t want to give myself the wrong idea.

 

What he needed right now was a friend. There was no arguing that I was just another spoiled brat, but at least my mother had taught me when to recognize that.

 

“And when a person is sad, sometimes the best thing to offer them is some silence and a cup of something warm.” Her words rang in my mind, making me smile.

 

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Zach’s voice split through my reverie and I turned sharply to him.

 

“Now what makes you think that?” I asked defensively.

I hated it when he antagonized me these days, I knew I had a huge part to play in it but it didn’t feel good.

 

Usually, I couldn’t care less what anyone thought of me, but for some reason I wanted him to see me differently.

 

He shrugged. “You just seem like the kind of guy who likes to drink the tears of the vulnerable.”

 

I scowled. “Apart from that being gross, it’s just not true.”

 

“Really? Cause you really fit the role.”

 

“If it were true, I wouldn’t be trying so hard to stop you from crying now, would I?” I raised a brow and he stopped mid sip.

 

“You might be unto something there… or perhaps you’ve had your fill and now it’s just annoying.”

 

A scoff escaped my lips and I rolled my eyes. “You’re a headache.”  He chuckled, taking another long sip.

 

He was a headache, but at least he wasn’t crying anymore. That felt good.

 

“You make a mean cup of hot chocolate, I’ll give you that,” He said. His voice slowly regained its usual timbre. “It’s not rocket science.”

 

“A person like you even knowing the function of a kitchen is, trust me,” He taunted.

 

I rolled my eyes. “I should’ve just shut the door on you, you know I thought about it for a second.”

 

He scoffed. “Please, you needed me.”

 

My eyes widened with genuine amusement and I scoffed lightly. “I. needed. you? Wow, that’s rich.”

 

He laughed. It was the first time I ever made him laugh.

Actually, the evening was filled with a lot of firsts.

 

The first time he’d seen me mad. The first time we’d stayed more than thirty minutes without trying to eat each other’s heads off. The first time I hugged him.

 

I wish I could say it was the first time I’d seen him cry.

 

My mind flashed to that day at the courtyard, the way everyone laughed and pointed at him, the betrayal in his reddened eyes when he turned to me.

 

The tears; hot, angry… helpless.

 

Maybe that’s why I couldn’t watch him cry today, maybe it’s why I was doing everything in my power to get him back in his usual mood even if it meant us fighting again.

 

Because I have never been able to get over that day, I still haven’t forgiven myself for the part I played in his humiliation.

 

And I never want to see him like that again.

 

“What are you always thinking about?” he asked, his cup nearly empty now.

 

You. “Well right now, I’m wondering how to take care of this mess with Gigi. It really shouldn’t be a big deal, I’m sure Britt had it coming, but her dad’s friends with the dean so I know he’s going to escalate this.”

 

“Shit.”

 

I lean forward and place a hand on his knee before I could stop myself, the contact lingering in my mind. “You don’t have to worry about anything, I’ll protect you.”

 

The words landed between us with a weight neither of us could ignore and we just sat there in the silence that followed.

 

Finally, he nodded. “Thanks. I need this time to focus on this project, anyway.”

 

Swallowing, I pulled away from him and nodded. “Yeah, that. I’m guessing there’s no time to do anything now.”

 

Placing the now empty cup on the table, Zach stood up and stretched. “Yeah, I should probably start heading home. I’ll get some sleep and then get back on it at night.” Rising after him, I smiled. “Text me if you need help with anything.”

 

“You’ll probably be dead asleep by then.” “I’ll stay up,” I replied quickly. Too quickly.

 

He looked at me then, really looked at me. And I held his gaze while actively trying hard to look away.

“I’m… gonna go.”

“Yeah, sure. Okay.”