Chapter 4

Astrid:

The door to Damian’s office shut behind me with a soft click, the cold wood smooth under my fingertips. I stood there for a moment in the corridor, grounding myself. My heart was racing, too fast, but I kept my face blank. Calm.

That was the trick now, wasn’t it? Pretend.

But then again, this was how I really was. I was always poised, gentle, calm, content, and educated to treat myself and those around me like I was as a Luna.

 How is not to treat myself or others with cruelty? And I definitely was not rude. I knew not to slam doors, yell, raise my voice or cross limits that I should not.

I wasn’t Raven Storm anymore. Not visibly. Not to them. I was Astrid Vale. A name wrapped in scandal and laced with venom. A woman feared more than respected. She was everything - [x]  that to push me away from my own morals, even if I woke up in her body.

My steps were slow as I walked down the long corridor, but I could feel the weight of eyes on me. Watching. Whispering. Judging.

 Each one of them was curious about what had happened in the Lycan’s office. I could tell that even he was surprised by my reaction. 

I could tell that he did not expect me to be as calm. But I was not there to fight. I was there to simply speak to him, to listen to where he was telling me, to what he had to say.

Now one problem that I had was the fact that I did not know what Astrid’s duties were. But judging by his retro attack, could tell that they were not much. 

I was going to need to figure out and actually make them as real. At least play my role as Luna until I got myself settled and I'd love to manage to get my revenge.

A young maid appeared at the far end of the hall, balancing a heavy basket of linens. She startled slightly when she spotted me and stepped aside quickly, bowing her head. Her heart raced against her ribcage and I could tell that she was frightened.

“S-Sorry, my lady,” she murmured.

I paused. That fear in her voice, it was instinctive. Conditioned. And I could tell that each and every one of these servants here had the same fear. Even the maid who approached me this morning had the same fear.

“No need to apologize,” I said softly. “I should be the one watching where I’m going. You are the one carrying a heavy basket, not me.”

Her head snapped up, eyes wide. She blinked at me like I’d spoken in another language. It was as if she was trying to process if she had heard me correctly or if it was the same person that she was used to seeing.

“Are you… feeling alright, my lady?” She asked, looking down at her feet as if she had crossed the limit that she should not.

I gave her a faint smile and inclined my head, continuing on. “Never better.”

She stared after me in stunned silence, still clutching the linen basket like she didn’t know what world she had just stepped into.

I rounded the corner and caught the tail end of two palace staff gossiping in hushed tones. The moment they saw me, they went stiff, backing away as if preparing for a verbal lashing.

Instead, I met their eyes.

“Don’t let me interrupt,” I said, the corner of my mouth lifting just slightly. “I know how dull the halls are without a little conversation. Carry on with what you're doing.”

They blinked. One actually gasped. And I could tell that they were both trying to understand and process what they were hearing and seeing. Neither one of them expected this as an outcome or a situation.

I continued walking, leaving them stunned and silent behind me.

I had no intention in fixing whatever it was that they had fixed in their minds. I did not plan on changing whatever perspective they had in their heads about her. Me. At this point, all I knew was this. I was going to be different. I was not going to play the same role.

Rumors. That was all I’d ever known about Astrid Vale before waking up in her skin. I’d only seen her from afar, once in the great hall, once on a rare trip to the capital. She had been cold. Impossibly regal. Untouchable.

 She was a woman who stood with pride and strength, but it seemed to me that it did not come without a price.

From what I now knew, she was hated. And not only by her mate. It was even by those who served her. They were afraid of her. They did not respect her for who she was. She did not have their respect and that was the worst part of being a Luna. 

A Luna without respect often ends up being pushed away or cast aside, even rebelled against.

But I didn’t know the full extent of her cruelty. I didn’t know how deep the damage went. I did not intend to find out.

But I had to live in the wake of it. I had to be sure to try and maintain a certain order that she seems to have broken.

Two guards stood at the bottom of the stairs. One of them, older and broad-shouldered, bowed politely. The younger one looked at me nervously, his hand tightening on the hilt of his sword.

His heart raced against his chest, much like almost everyone's hearts did whenever they saw me. Well, technically her. If they saw me for who I was, they would not be in this situation. I have been Luna for quite some time. I did not allow anyone to fear me, it was against my nature.

The Alphas duty was to maintain order, was to inflict the rules. The Luna though she would hold on to that order, though she would be the one to poise it. She would also be the gentle side. It seemed to me that Astrid was nothing but like that.

“Good morning,” I offered gently. “I would assume that you've been training for quite some time.”

The older guard hesitated, clearly caught off guard by my tone. “Good morning, Lady Astrid.”

The younger one just stared, stunned. He did not expect me to speak to him or address him with any manner.

I kept walking, keeping my back straight, my hands folded.

Let them wonder.

Let them try to piece together what had changed.

I wasn’t trying to make friends. But I also couldn’t stomach seeing people flinch at the sight of me. That wasn’t who I was. I refused to be that.

Still, I had to be careful.

Too much kindness would raise suspicion. Too much change, and someone might start asking dangerous questions.

So I would walk this line carefully. I would give just enough to make them second-guess the monster they thought they knew.

Because if I was going to survive here, if I was going to rebuild and rise,

I needed them to believe in the possibility of a changed Astrid.

And soon… they would see.

This wasn’t the same woman.

*****

I watched as the healer left the room after he has checked up me. 

"You hurt your head and that must have caused the reasons for your change in personality. I will inform the Alpha about your condition." The words which the healer has said reminsced in my head.

Things must have been going just like the way I have imagined. Thank Goodness a lot of people wouldn't suspect things easily.

There were a lot of things I needed to uncover about Astrid also. Even though fragments of her memory were still in my head. I was yet to figure them all. 

The coronation will be tomorrow. I heard Killian would be attending since he was a little bit close to Damian.

I'd also be seeing Damian concubines. How terrible was it going to get?

I wasn't sure about what tomorrow held for me, but it wouldn't be good.