6. Painful memories

Hope

I wake up gasping, the feeling of falling wraps around my skin like old skin. The tension in my chest claws and wraps around my lungs.

No. No. No.

My wolf whines, distressed by the nightmare riding our consciousness to waking hours.

I slap my hand against the cradle of my throat and take it into my childhood bedroom. The books stacked in my bedside table. The soft pale pink carpet at the foot of my bed. My collection preserved flowers along my shelves.

No magic, no whispers, no blindness.

Just me, and the worry knotting inside.

I rub my temples, recalling the broken shards of last night’s dream—or was it a memory?

I push myself out of bed, and scramble for my clothes. I shove my legs into a pair of black camps and stuff my feet into my boot. Then I quickly twist my long black hair into a ponytail.

Giving myself a once over in the mirror I decide it's good enough.

I have to see Emma, our pack healer and Bens mother, today. If anyone could give me a clue as to what is happening she can.

Emma isn't just an ordinary healer, she comes from a magical line of shifters. Her access to magic not only helps her heal mortal wounds but it helps her identify magical interference happening within a body.

I sneak past Tessa’s door. Even though it's closed I know she’s awake and I don't need her questions right now.

I need to get answers before I can decide what to do with my secrets and with my new future.

The infirmary is in a two story cabin. The top floor serves as recovery rooms while the examination and operation rooms are on the first.

I move down the chilly stone corridor lit by flickering torches. It's early. Emma will probably be in her apothecary working on healing elixirs. Each step echoes, each echo pounds in my ears. It doesn't escape me that Emma might have answers I don't want to hear.

I take a deep breath at the door, stealing myself and walk inside, the door creaking on its hinges behind me.

“Hope,” Emma says sweetly. “I wasn't expecting you.”

She looks up from her mortar and pestle, her soft hazel eyes widen just a fraction, worry and curiosity dancing there, as she takes me in.

“I came back early.”

“I see. Come sit,” she orders patting the chair beside hers.

Her silver-streaked hair is tied back neatly, hands dusted in dried herbs. Beside her, fresh bandages and tinctures line the walls.

I sit on the edge of the chair unsure of how to start the conversation.

Do I just come out and say I'm back in time or whatever.

My wolf snorts.

She brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear capturing my attention. “You look pale,” she says.

“I feel it,” I whisper. “ I— something happened.”

Emma maternal protectiveness flares. “At the Lotus Pack? Did some hurt you? I swear on the goddess I’ll—”

“No. It isn't like that. It’s…I shouldn't be here.”

She frowns. “What are you talking about?” She lifts my hand, presses her fingertips to the pulse at my wrist checking my pulse. “You're talking nonsense.”

I wince. “Last night—I dreamed—no, I remembered my future.” The furrow in her brow goes deeper. “Fuck. I’m making a mess of this.”

The room suddenly feels too warm, the air too tight around my lungs.

“Shh,” she murmurs, turning my palm upward. She cups it in both her hands. I feel warmth seeping in. “Breathe.”

I close my eyes. “I lived it, Emma. The next three years of my life. And now I'm here again.”

My voice is shaky but the warmth of her magic keeps me grounded.

“Tell me everything,” she says calmly.

And I do.

Every beautiful, twisted, painful detail. I left nothing out, ending right when I woke up this morning.

She tips her head, studying me, vulnerable. “ May I check over you?”

I do my best to keep my voice steady. “Yeah.”

Emma hovers her palm a few centimeters over me moving her arms along the contours of my body. I can feel the warmth of her magic as she moves up my arm, across my shoulder, down my chest, my stomach, my legs before coming back up to my left arm.

“Humm… This is surprising but… not,” she says thoughtfully before standing and tuning to a shelf of books behind her.

“What do you think it is?” I blurt out.

“I can't say for sure right now but the Blue Rock Pack’s ancestors had witch blood,” she says softly. “Certain families… gifted in both healing arts and magic.” She pulls out a leather bound book and sits back down as she flips through the pages. “There was one in particular. The one who introduced magic to the Blue rock pack, Elena Knight.” She stops and turns the book towards me.

I look at the book and my breath catches in my throat.

“She was our ancestor.” I swallow looking back in Elena's eyes. “I remember my mother telling me stories. She bridged the chasm between healer and witch. Brought those powers into the Alpha’s bloodline. It was why my mother had visions.”

Visions I lied to my father about having to come home.

Thoughts whirled in my head, pounding against my head like thunderous rain. What if I did have gifts?

The corner of Emma’s lips twitch as if she could hear my thoughts. “If you possess Elena’s power—then what you saw, what you felt you lived, could be a vision.”

“ But how? I was there every day. I felt and saw everything. How could that have been a vision?”

“Have you ever heard of waking memories ?”

“No.”

“It's a rare and powerful gift. One Elena specialized in. It allows the holder to be unbound by time. To live and experience one of the paths their lives or the lives of their subjects can take.” She places her hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “While it's powerful it could also be dangerous. If you don't learn to use it you could trap yourself in a waking memory. It sounds like you were in that one for quite some time.”

I stare at the pages—ancient handwriting and faded sketches of herbs intertwined with magical symbols.

“When I woke, I felt this pull. Like something in me…shifted. It made me see things I missed the first time.”

Emma is silent as she thinks for a moment. “Like I said, I can't say for certain now. We'll have to learn more, see if we can tap into the power if it's there. But there is also another possibility. Elena…she might have brought you back.” She lets the thought trail off. “Rebirth isn't unheard of.”

My breath catches. “Why would she do that?”

“I don't have the answer, perhaps as a warning or maybe as a mercy. It could be a number of things.” she says. “But I can say this—I’ll do everything to help you. We must be careful. We might not know the reason but we know something nefarious was waiting for you. It was why you were blinded.” She points to a row of glass bottles. “This salve, morning. That incense, before bed. It will help ground you and work to start bringing forth any abilities you may have. We'll meet three times a week.”

I hold the slave and incense to my chest. “I’m scared, Em.”

Emma’s features soften. “I know. But you’re here now. And I won't let anything happen to you.”

I nod, tears threatening. Emma takes a cloth and wraps the paraphilena in it. Right. We better hide it if we want to keep it secret. “We’ll start slowly. No heavy magic until we’re sure. If the witch’s blood is stirring, I’ll trace it… isolate it. Then we’ll guide it. No trial by fire.”

I swallow. “But what if it’s all true? What if I live this life over again—and I can’t save Tessa? What if I can't save myself?”

Emma’s gaze steals. “You are the daughter of Rose Brown. You are not helpless so don't let anyone make you believe otherwise.”

A knock at the door interrupts my response.

“Come in,” Emma says, giving me a chance to collect myself.

Ben steps inside. He glances between me and Emma. “Hope.”

“Ben,” I whisper.

“Well this saved me a trip.”

“Oh yeah? Is Tessa looking for me?”

“No. Alpha Clinton’s back and I’ve been sent to get you,” he says his voice off.

“What's wrong?” I say standing.

“Your father is not alone. Alpha Keith—he’s returned with him.”

My heart lurches. I risk a glance at Emma whose face is an impractical mask.

“Oh and what would Alpha Keith be doing here so soon after his ascension?” Emma asks her son.

Ben frowned for a fraction of a second before school showed his features. “I’m not sure. But I can't imagine there are too many reasons for him to travel here.”

His unspoken words were clear. Alpha's only travel to other packs for a handful of reasons, celebrations, alliances, war or matings.

My pulse rockets.

Ben glances at his mother and gives her a tight smile then he meets my eyes. “They’re at the clearing. We should head out.”

“Sure.” Before I step out Emma grabs my hand and whispers. “Think, Hope. You are here to see what you didn't before. Don't make any rash decisions.”

I tip my chin and give her a small smile before following Ben out of the healing cabin.

My wolf paces beneath my skin.

It looks like running isn't going to work.

It’s time to face my mate.